Monday could be the day

[waste]

I've set dates a few times before, but have always backed out before the date actually came around. Something feels different this time, though. I think that Monday will be the actual day, for real.

I have powder from J that I ordered before that source went to shit, early last year. I was even able to verify that it is real Pentobarbital. I don't know why I've been sitting on this for so long. I've had an exit option for >18 months at this point. Oh well, better late than never.

If anyone's curious, I tried a small amount of it before, and it easily knocked me on my ass. J used to send people 25 grams of this stuff, so there's way more than enough for one person to ctb.

This is so fucked up. I'm excited to kill myself. What a waste of potential. I've done everything right and am outwardly successful in most/all aspects of life, but I experience no joy. I enjoy nothing, at all, period. My own death is the only thing I've looked forward to for years.

It's hard for me to get opportunities to post here, as I have to be secretive, so I apologize if it takes me a while to respond to anyone. I'd be happy to talk about the N if anyone's interested though.

 

[violetskin96]

Hey well, if you decide not too, i'd buy that powder off of you :) pretty jealous but wishing you well.

 

[Deafsn0w]

good luck :)

 

[Empty RN]

Best of luck. Do you mix the powder with water?

 

[worldexploder]

I wish you the best of luck on what ever you decide to do.

 

[throwaway777]

i wish you peace and love whatever you chose … <3

 

[waste]

Thanks everybody.

Best of luck. Do you mix the powder with water?

Yes, I mixed about 1 gram with a small amount of water. The taste was not as bad as I expected, but still not great. I was out of it for maybe 16-18 hours just from that.

I'm still aiming for Monday, currently. Fuck this.

 

[AndyCurious]

Does it really kill you, not just make you sleep for hours +++?
Best of luck :)

 

[waste]

Does it really kill you, not just make you sleep for hours +++?
Best of luck :)

I intentionally didn't take a lethal dose, as I was just experimenting. The actual lethal dose will be at least 10x that amount.

 

[AndyCurious]

I intentionally didn't take a lethal dose, as I was just experimenting. The actual lethal dose will be at least 10x that amount.

Thank you :)

 

[wanttodie]

god luck

 

[Retched]

Hope you find your peace.

 

[waste]

I know I'm not a real contributor to this site, but I wanted everyone to know that I will be attempting suicide sometime in the next few hours. I am in a hotel room, and everything is prepared.

Just because I am beyond hope does not mean this is the only way. I could have had a happy life, but fucked it up due to my own poor decision making. I tried to make up for it, but it was too late for me.

However, for those of you on the fence, there is still hope for all of you. Please don't follow my example unless you are 1000% sure that this is the way. I have been planning this suicide for literally almost 20 years. I am one of the few ashers left on this site, or really anywhere. I exhausted every possibility before ending up at this point.

My point is, I hope that there is hope for everyone here. I wish I didn't have to kill myself in my mid-30s. If there was a way I could survive, I would, but I can't.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I wish the best for everyone here, and I hope you all can find peace.

I love you [redacted].

Sincerely,
Reggie

 

[Retched]

I know I'm not a real contributor to this site, but I wanted everyone to know that I will be attempting suicide sometime in the next few hours. I am in a hotel room, and everything is prepared.

Just because I am beyond hope does not mean this is the only way. I could have had a happy life, but fucked it up due to my own poor decision making. I tried to make up for it, but it was too late for me.

However, for those of you on the fence, there is still hope for all of you. Please don't follow my example unless you are 1000% sure that this is the way. I have been planning this suicide for literally almost 20 years. I am one of the few ashers left on this site, or really anywhere. I exhausted every possibility before ending up at this point.

My point is, I hope that there is hope for everyone here. I wish I didn't have to kill myself in my mid-30s. If there was a way I could survive, I would, but I can't.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I wish the best for everyone here, and I hope you all can find peace.

I love you [redacted].

Sincerely,
Reggie

Best of luck and peace to you.

 

[Retched]

Thanks everybody.



Yes, I mixed about 1 gram with a small amount of water. The taste was not as bad as I expected, but still not great. I was out of it for maybe 16-18 hours just from that.

I'm still aiming for Monday, currently. Fuck this.

Best of luck and peace to you.

 

[Midnight]

I know I'm not a real contributor to this site, but I wanted everyone to know that I will be attempting suicide sometime in the next few hours. I am in a hotel room, and everything is prepared.

Just because I am beyond hope does not mean this is the only way. I could have had a happy life, but fucked it up due to my own poor decision making. I tried to make up for it, but it was too late for me.

However, for those of you on the fence, there is still hope for all of you. Please don't follow my example unless you are 1000% sure that this is the way. I have been planning this suicide for literally almost 20 years. I am one of the few ashers left on this site, or really anywhere. I exhausted every possibility before ending up at this point.

My point is, I hope that there is hope for everyone here. I wish I didn't have to kill myself in my mid-30s. If there was a way I could survive, I would, but I can't.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I wish the best for everyone here, and I hope you all can find peace.

I love you [redacted].

Sincerely,
Reggie

Wish you all the best. It's nice knowing that even after all those years one can still work up the courage to ctb (i'm the same boat)

 

[TiredHorse]

May you find your road safe and gentle, Waste.

 

[Dead Meat]

Good luck to you I wish you an extremely peaceful exit.

 

[Putridsoul]

I feel that if you consider your life isn't bad, you won't have the will to make it in the end. From what I have seen in my horrendously long experience as psychiatric patient, only intense desperation and hopelessness can lead to succesful attempts, because every attempt is violent and requires action and overcoming powerful instincts. Dying is never pretty. You agonize and shit yourself.

 

[tammyot]

Good luck and wishing you a peaceful journey.