Venting mom told me that if I don't want to live i should just die

[ecmnesia]

turns out my family is fed up with me and my complaints. i heard her talking with my brother, that she can't stand me complaining about life anymore. that i should stop crying out that I didn't ask to be born. that i am already old enough to make my own calls. that i should just die if I hate life that much.

i won't lie. that crushed me.

at the same time she is giving me a free pass to do cbt.

i wonder... I've barely started being honest about my feelings regarding existence, if they knew half the real true what would they say?

they'll probably travel this week. the bus might be coming for me.

 

[TheSomebody]

Your mom is a monster

 

[shay23]

I'm sorry you had to hear that, it's really sad and wrong that they would say that about you. I hope you're doing okay!

 

[opiatedreamz]

i'm terribly sorry that this happened to you. that is awful. no parent should be saying that to or about their child, ever. i send you my love.

 

[BLUE1970]

That's so sad, I'm so sorry you had to witness such cruel words. You're mum may not have meant what she said, understanding someone that is depressed / suicidal is difficult and can be very frustrating for those closest...especially if they have not experienced similar emotions at any stage in their life. Maybe you should sit your mum down and tell her exactly how you feel.

 

[OminousVaL]

My mother has made similar remarks to me plenty of times before so to an extent I understand.

 

[walktothewater]

I'm in a similar situation. I don't particularly want to die but my family are making my life unbearable of late.

 

[SmellyRat]

I told mine she should have just aborted me, and saved everyone the bother.

Hope you're ok

 

[ecmnesia]

it's ironic. i have been worrying all of this time about there well being. i pushed cbt away so many times because of them, and then there is this... i feel pathetic.
thanks for all the kind messages tho, i really appreciate them.
thanks for all the kind messages tho, i really appreciate them.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I wonder... I've barely started being honest about my feelings regarding existence, if they knew half the real true what would they say?

You already want to escape them because they're abusive, so I think making yourself vulnerable to them in any way such as being honest about your feelings is going to be met with more abuse. The last things you can expect from them are empathy, understanding, compassion, or support, certainly not at any meaningful or sustained level.

 

[Symbiote]

I had an inkling of hope that my mom would care about me. That proved false several dozen times over and over but I was too stupid to acknowledge it. I had an inkling of hope that my wife would care about me, but that proved false as well, but I was too stupid to accept the fact that I shouldn't have any hope for the future.

 

[Pengwin]

Brutal to hear that.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I know it's a TERRIBLE thing that your mother said, but do you think she really meant it? Can you talk to her about what she said?
Do you have anyone other than family who you can talk to about your suicidal thoughts, a counsellor or therapist? Maybe it would be best to talk about such things to them instead of family?

 

[depressedsally]

turns out my family is fed up with me and my complaints. i heard her talking with my brother, that she can't stand me complaining about life anymore. that i should stop crying out that I didn't ask to be born. that i am already old enough to make my own calls. that i should just die if I hate life that much.

i won't lie. that crushed me.

at the same time she is giving me a free pass to do cbt.

i wonder... I've barely started being honest about my feelings regarding existence, if they knew half the real true what would they say?

they'll probably travel this week. the bus might be coming for me.

I haven't spoke to you before as I'm new here. But that broke my heart reading that you poor soul. If you ever need to rant my inbox is always open my friend

That's so sad, I'm so sorry you had to witness such cruel words. You're mum may not have meant what she said, understanding someone that is depressed / suicidal is difficult and can be very frustrating for those closest...especially if they have not experienced similar emotions at any stage in their life. Maybe you should sit your mum down and tell her exactly how you feel.

So true this

 

[VivaldiBR]

I'm so sorry for you. Maybe she doesn't know that you are thinking abut CTB, and she imagines that you are just depressed, that is only a "phase".

Have you ever tried to tell your family about your CTB idealization? Maybe they wake up and help you, instead of minimize your pain. Or everybody knows that you are depressed?

 

[ecmnesia]

unfortunately, although my whole family is aware that I've been struggling with depression for years, it seems like they have yet to understand what it means. i never had any attempt, so maybe in there heads, even tho I constantly make remarks about death and not wanting to life, cbt was never a thing I'd consider.

i appreciate the help, but i don't feel comfortable to talk about those deep complicated stuff with my family, they are very narrow-minded and tend to restrict me when things get out of there control (that's what happened years ago when they found out about self harm and alcohol abuse). i quit therapy so that's not a possiblity either. the few friends I have don't actually stand this kind of talk, the best I could get out of them was a "it would be sad if you die" and that was it.

You already want to escape them because they're abusive, so I think making yourself vulnerable to them in any way such as being honest about your feelings is going to be met with more abuse. The last things you can expect from them are empathy, understanding, compassion, or support, certainly not at any meaningful or sustained level.

as sad as it is, i think that's the true.

honestly, i can only hope that she didn't actually meant it but knowing my mom, that's pretty possible thing. she always complain about my father to me, just as she is complaining about me to my brother, so yes, there might be some true on her words. plus whenever we talk about the past and things she and my father did, she tries to deny, pretend she doesn't remember or says that me and my brother are overreacting and inventing things. my mom unfortunately does not recognize her mistakes. knowing her, she would try to play the victim.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

whenever we talk about the past and things she and my father did, she tries to deny, pretend she doesn't remember or says that me and my brother are overreacting and inventing things.

That's called gaslighting.

my mom unfortunately does not recognize her mistakes.

More likely she denies them like what you wrote above. Which leads to...

knowing her, she would try to play the victim.

It's a common technique, DARVO: Deny, then Attack, then Reverse the order of Victim and Offender. "I never did that, you actually do/did _____, you're treating me _______."

 

[outofluck]

That's horrible. Please remember she is the horrible weak one, not you. She needs to demoralize her own child to feel a sense of self worth.

I can relate to this kind of mother all too well. I'm stuck with mine as a disabled adult rn. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me from attempting again is knowing she would get off on it because its what she's truly always wanted. This keeps me fighting at times, just to spite her. You do not deserve a mother like that.

 

[VivaldiBR]

unfortunately, although my whole family is aware that I've been struggling with depression for years, it seems like they have yet to understand what it means. i never had any attempt, so maybe in there heads, even tho I constantly make remarks about death and not wanting to life, cbt was never a thing I'd consider.

i appreciate the help, but i don't feel comfortable to talk about those deep complicated stuff with my family, they are very narrow-minded and tend to restrict me when things get out of there control (that's what happened years ago when they found out about self harm and alcohol abuse). i quit therapy so that's not a possiblity either. the few friends I have don't actually stand this kind of talk, the best I could get out of them was a "it would be sad if you die" and that was it.



as sad as it is, i think that's the true.

honestly, i can only hope that she didn't actually meant it but knowing my mom, that's pretty possible thing. she always complain about my father to me, just as she is complaining about me to my brother, so yes, there might be some true on her words. plus whenever we talk about the past and things she and my father did, she tries to deny, pretend she doesn't remember or says that me and my brother are overreacting and inventing things. my mom unfortunately does not recognize her mistakes. knowing her, she would try to play the victim.

Honestly, I dont know what to say, but i hope you the best. I would say that not everything is lost, but it will sound stupid. It's so hard when your mother, who should be a endless source of love, reject your needs. I cant even imagine how this could affected you. But there are ways to heal this area, if you find it possible.
In my case, my issue is with my father.
it took several years before I started the process of forgiving him.
If you need someone to talk, you can DM me. Pode ser em português. :)

 

[Antigonish]

turns out my family is fed up with me and my complaints. i heard her talking with my brother, that she can't stand me complaining about life anymore. that i should stop crying out that I didn't ask to be born. that i am already old enough to make my own calls. that i should just die if I hate life that much.

i won't lie. that crushed me.

at the same time she is giving me a free pass to do cbt.

i wonder... I've barely started being honest about my feelings regarding existence, if they knew half the real true what would they say?

they'll probably travel this week. the bus might be coming for me.

I understand, because that's my family. They don't know how I feel, but shit, I'm crying for help. I don't want to feel these things. I just do. Telling a person on the edge to jump is plain fucking stupid. But really they're stupid for not atleast trying to talk you about it. Sometimes I dont need anyone to stop me, but someone to talk with about this dark side that dominates my mind, someone who can understand. But dont let those things crush you, harden yourself. Not to everything, but to the things that encourage your destruction, no emotion is good. But more importantly, dont be afraid to cry, grab a shoulder, or take a really nice shower and let it out. And I mean out, snot and bloodshot eyes and all. But most importantly know that because they're not there for you, we are. Us citizens who belong to no nation.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with yet more abuse from your family. I am a firm believer in one should never say something they don't mean regardless of anger or other emotions. There are some things that are just highly inappropriate and cruel to say and should never be said. It probably is best if you don't make yourself vulnerable to them anymore since clearly it will just be met with more abuse. If you ever need to talk we are all here for you, and you can reach out anytime you need to.

 

[botanormal]

I'm so sorry this happened. Family are supposed to be people you can depend on no matter what, so when a parent says something this heartless, no matter what she was thinking at the time of saying it, it's very cruel. Some people have no idea how much pain can come from their words. Please know her words have nothing to do with who you are as a person, they're a reflection of who she is. Wishing you the best

 

[Nightowl]

So if I got this right, you want to die (since you don't want to live). And your mother said you should die becouse you don't want to live. So basically she said that you should do what you want to do. If so then what's the problem?

 

[ecmnesia]

So if I got this right, you want to die (since you don't want to live). And your mother said you should die becouse you don't want to live. So basically she said that you should do what you want to do. If so then what's the problem?

yes, you got it right. it is as I mentioned before, on one hand, she is giving me what I need to go for it, since I've been holding back because of her and the rest of my family. But even if I do want to carry on with it, it was just cruel to hear that from her. I tried many times to get better because I didn't want them to suffer with my choice, so far I have always put them first and those words made me confront the fact that all of my struggle was and is pointless.

 

[sadworld]

I'm sorry that you have a mom like that...

 

[tired1221]

I'm so sorry you had to hear that. People don't realize that the phrase "Sticks and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" never have been in a place where they indeed hurt worse then a knife to the heart. Especially when they come from the ones we love the most. I too have heard some pretty horrible things said to, and about me. I wish I could talk to you over some coffee to sit and reflect. If you ever need to talk, I am here.