siray
the crucified
- Dec 28, 2018
- 181
I am so broken inside I want to just hug my mom and tell her she'll be much happier if I was dead but she just can't stop crying tears, I feel extreme sadness at having done this to her, but I just had to prevent her from going into shock and maybe she may die from heart attack when she hears the news of my dead body being found on the rooftop of my building.
She spoke broken words to me, feels like she's having difficulty speaking as her throat aches from all that crying hysterically, she said she will die if I kill myself, or she'll live a tortured life as long as she's alive.
I then went to my room and locked, and she knocked after 20 minutes, she brought me a bowl of fruits and embraced me in her arms while tears ran down her cheeks, and she had packed her jewellery in a bag and gave it to me, she said go sell it and keep all the money and save your life, go live in another city but don't harm yourself and eat 3 healthy meals daily and call me on phone at least once a week so I hear your voice and tell you how much I love you my firstborn son, you are my baby and I won't let you die, and she just kept crying while saying this to me.
My heart has been broken into a thousand pieces, I can't move my soul has been paralyzed by what she said. She's even making omelette for me now, and she said she will give me more money, she said she'll look into her cupboard for cash.
OH GOD PLEASE MAKE THIS PAIN STOP I might choke on my extreme sorrow, I love her so much, but I can't keep on living in my ugly body, I have severe body dysmorphia and my upper back has irreversible skeletal deformity it hurts so bad I can't sleep all night I'm in neverending agony, I haven't felt calm in years.
There is no intelligent overseer, no god, no afterlife and all religious faith is delusion that people believe to make this tortured existence bearable for themselves, I'm condemned to this fleshly prison by blind necessity and chance, no one and nothing can be blamed for this tragedy because it always was meaningless agony to be alive in a conscious meat bone torture cell, it always was blind will that strives and creates more and more pain and suffering for an eternity.
She spoke broken words to me, feels like she's having difficulty speaking as her throat aches from all that crying hysterically, she said she will die if I kill myself, or she'll live a tortured life as long as she's alive.
I then went to my room and locked, and she knocked after 20 minutes, she brought me a bowl of fruits and embraced me in her arms while tears ran down her cheeks, and she had packed her jewellery in a bag and gave it to me, she said go sell it and keep all the money and save your life, go live in another city but don't harm yourself and eat 3 healthy meals daily and call me on phone at least once a week so I hear your voice and tell you how much I love you my firstborn son, you are my baby and I won't let you die, and she just kept crying while saying this to me.
My heart has been broken into a thousand pieces, I can't move my soul has been paralyzed by what she said. She's even making omelette for me now, and she said she will give me more money, she said she'll look into her cupboard for cash.
OH GOD PLEASE MAKE THIS PAIN STOP I might choke on my extreme sorrow, I love her so much, but I can't keep on living in my ugly body, I have severe body dysmorphia and my upper back has irreversible skeletal deformity it hurts so bad I can't sleep all night I'm in neverending agony, I haven't felt calm in years.
There is no intelligent overseer, no god, no afterlife and all religious faith is delusion that people believe to make this tortured existence bearable for themselves, I'm condemned to this fleshly prison by blind necessity and chance, no one and nothing can be blamed for this tragedy because it always was meaningless agony to be alive in a conscious meat bone torture cell, it always was blind will that strives and creates more and more pain and suffering for an eternity.
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