Venting mom found my meto

[byebyered]

She literally never checks my packages but decided today she would get curious & see what I ordered. She's a nurse & flipped tf out saying how they rarely prescribe that medicine to patients because it has really bad side effects , can fuck up your brain & end up making you walk weird and uncoordinated? (Forgot the name of the illness)

Anyways , she took it from me , said wtf was I thinking buying random pills off the internet. I came up with some bullshit lie about me thinking I have acid reflux idk lmao she was mad as hell though. Can't believe that just happened. Guess I'll have to just take a Xanax with SN & wish for the best whenever that day comes.

She knows somethings wrong with me but in denial at the same time it's so frustrating. Everytime we argue it makes me want to CTB even more. I get so jealous seeing parents have good relationships with their kids. I get sooooo jealous ): my mom wouldn't even listen or care fr when I used to be very open about my feelings & mental health years ago.That's why I stopped and now she's trying to figure out what's wrong. THE SAME FUCKING THING THATS BEEN WRONG SINCE I WAS 13!!!!!! But noOoOoO "oh you'll get over it , just a phase" no mom it's not a fucking phase & guess what it's worst now!!! If somebody cared enough to get me help in my teens I would be pushing normal right now. I would be her perfect successful daughter she can brag about instead of being a stressful disappointment. She said I want to be crazy. I want to be miserable. She thinks I want this. She thinks I'm ENJOYING feeling this way. She'll sit there and tell me about depression like I don't know.
"Oh people with depression have trouble brushing their teeth, they never have energy…." Yeah mom you're describing me right now!!!! Stopped brushing my teeth consistently when I was 16. My hygiene isn't the greatest. I only take care of myself for others so I don't torture them if I KNOW I'm gonna be around someone. Anyways. I feel like my problems have been very obvious & it's too late trying to act like you care when she really fucking doesn't. She just doesn't want to feel like a shitty parent. I'm tired & ready to give up.
"your just lazy , your not depressed"
"EVERYBODY has issues, everybody has problems you just have to DEALS with it"
"Idk why your letting everyone surpass you in life"
"your selfish, manipulative, narcissistic "
"Self diagnosing is wrong but I think you might have x, y, z cause idk what the FUCK is wrong with you and I can't help you"
"OH you got in your VERY FIRST ACCIDENT & YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO…hmmm…FIGURE IT OUT BY YOURSELF TIME TO BE AN ADULT STOP FUCKING CRYING"
"You stress me out stop talking to me and let me watch tv"

 

[resolutory]

This is coincidental, my SN just arrived and my dad found it LOL. I relate with your situation, l'm hella stressing out about it!

 

[byebyered]

This is coincidental, my SN just arrived and my dad found it LOL. I relate with your situation, l'm hella stressing out about it!

Oh shittttt what'd he say ?? If she found my SN Idk what I'd do . I would hate losing the comfort of knowing I have a way out. Especially since it's getting hard to buy now

 

[resolutory]

Oh shittttt what'd he say ?? If she found my SN Idk what I'd do . I would hate losing the comfort of knowing I have a way out. Especially since it's getting hard to buy now

Fortunately i don't think he knows what it is. he asked me and i said it's more moulding plastic or something like that. he accepted the answer but i'm still hella stressed about it because i'm sure he must be suspiscious. it's annoying cause i wanted to buy some more as a backup because it's getting harder to get, but this has slightly put me off doing that...

 

[FuneralCry]

That must had been frustrating and stressful having what you ordered taken away from you, I'm sorry that you are going through all this. It also sounds tiring being trapped in that situation and having your suffering invalidated like that, it would be different if others could see life from our point of view and then they wouldn't be saying things like that but I wish you the best. Your feelings towards your situation are completely understandable.