Misunderstood

[reapandsow918]

Does anyone else feel as if they are always being misunderstood? Nobody cares about your suffering or about your depression or about you in general. They say to keep a smile on your face, focus on the positive, get out more and be more productive. Are they truly that ignorant? Do they want you to keep suffering? Do they get pleasure off of it?

I just don't see how people ignore one another's suffering. As my date comes closer, I keep going back to the idea of how suicide will be the ultimate slap in the face to family and friends. It's sad to see that they only care when you are dead.

Is it selfish to think about myself for once and end it to finally be free?

 

[MeltingHeart]

Same!

 

[mediocre]

Yes I suffer physical pain every day yet I am expected to just go about each day like I don't. I'm always told "well we all have pain you just have to get on with it" I'm well aware there are a lot of people in the world that deal with pain daily and have to go about their daily life. But when you're undiagnosed and nobody seemingly wants to help you it's a completely different story. On top of that my aspergers and social anxiety debilitates me to the point of a panic attack. But still I'm told "you have to make an effort"

 

[noctiva]

Yes, especially if you are having an ok day, laughing at a friends joke, you always get a 'See, you can't be so depressed, you just laughed at my joke! See, you're getting better, see, no more suicidal ideations!'. Just.. no. That's not how it works. But I understand them, I understand that they want to see what they want to see.

It is hard to have a depressed suicidal friend. My friend is very depressed, suicidal moderately on/ off. But as someone who cannot read their minds, I also need to read the clues they leave, such as do they laugh easily, are they approachable today, do they stare out into space or do they look you in the eyes, have they taken care of themselves physically etc. Talking about pain can be good, but it's not a daily thing where you are sitting in a restaurant going 'So how are you really doing?', these conversations take place much less frequently and private, so at work, in public etc I need to try to read clues, which is hard.

As a depressed and suicidal friend, I understand that my negativity takes a lot of energy to deal with, so I understand when my best friend doesn't have the energy to ask 'How are you doing today?'. I often times ask her if she wants to know, and most of the time she says she wants the truth. Sometimes she has said that she cannot handle the truth today if it's very negative and to please be gentle. I have to respect that, her mental health is also not indestructible.

But yes, I understand. I don't know when or if to end it.
I have 2 people that know that I will ctb. They know. They fully KNOW know. But.. according to their actions, they don't care. Maybe they don't believe, maybe they don't want to believe, maybe they care deep inside and hide that feeling. But they will not do anything until I'm dead. It saddens me greatly. I have to die to be taken seriously, I have to die to be missed. I'm waiting at the moment because I am hoping that maybe they will miss me while I'm alive if I can wait long enough, but.. I'm running out of energy, out of the amount of pain I can take, and it doesn't matter.
It's my one and only struggle, when I should end it. I'm not going to be missed alive, but I would like to be missed while alive, so I can go back to my life, back home, and keep living my life. But I think it is less and less likely every day. I will be missed when I'm dead, that is when they will realize that they truly do miss me and want me back... And then they will hurt, thinking that I told them, thinking that they could have done something and they didn't.. they will be in pain. But my pain right now doesn't matter. I'm weighing their pain vs my pain, but in the end, my pain will win, because it's getting more and more every day, with every minute their propagate their uncaring actions.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Misunderstanding is applicable both ways. Other people cannot see your depression because it is an invisible illness. And sometimes the depressed person cannot understand others' behavior because their mental health is compromised. An illness is a dysfunction, a problem. And just like any problem, be it in math, or in society, or between countries or in relationship, there is an element of conflict.... lack of agreement, that's misunderstanding.

They say what they say because that's all they can say. There are very limited things that can be said in such situations, either things that are so called positive and inspirational or words of empathy. They won't kill you as much as you want your life to end. But that also doesn't mean they want you to keep suffering. There are implications in causing someone's death because of laws.

It's your life, your choice but how much do you value and care about your connection with this world and people... that dictates what outcome you'll have.

 

[Namenamename536]

I think that it is hard for anyone to truly comprehend another persons suffering. Maybe people do as much as they can when they try to offer advice. Perhaps they try to understand our problems in too simple terms and therefore the solutions are simple too. Being misunderstood is a part of being humans. We express ourselves and then that gets thrown, a bit distorted, into the filters of understanding in another person. And then out comes the twisted byproduct. And I imagine its even harder to understand something if you havent been through it yourself.

And sometimes we do ignore another person or animals suffering. Sometimes we just do not care. Maybe then the words are really empty, because we just want to move on down the line. So we throw out the words easy to say.

Anyway, suicide does not make you selfish. But if they care about you when you are dead, that means they love you, at least a little, now. Caring is not always easy.

 

[jgm63]

As a being of higher intelligence, you need to understand (which you already do), that everyone is at a different state of intelligence and spiritual evolution.
Also, people can only react to situations based on their own knowledge and experience, either gained during this lifetime, or from previous lifetimes, e.g. you might sometimes encounter a young person who seems to be very wise.

A being of higher intelligence (like you) will be able to understand that people can only do their best, and that everyone's best is at a different level.
Yes, that requires a tremendous amount of love in you, to be able to see that and to not get angry with those of a lower intelligence than you.
You will also be able to understand that in previous lifetimes you may have been the same unintelligent person, causing pain to a more intelligent person.
So when you go to judge others, you can pause and realise that we are all on the same journey, but at different stages.

In terms of what should you do ?
Only you can decide that, and that can be difficult, but that's life.

 

[sleepy dog]

Yes its done to me. Not smiling? "Smile, it can't be that bad."

 

[jgm63]

Yes, especially if you are having an ok day, laughing at a friends joke, you always get a 'See, you can't be so depressed, you just laughed at my joke! See, you're getting better, see, no more suicidal ideations!'. Just.. no. That's not how it works. But I understand them, I understand that they want to see what they want to see.

It is hard to have a depressed suicidal friend. My friend is very depressed, suicidal moderately on/ off. But as someone who cannot read their minds, I also need to read the clues they leave, such as do they laugh easily, are they approachable today, do they stare out into space or do they look you in the eyes, have they taken care of themselves physically etc. Talking about pain can be good, but it's not a daily thing where you are sitting in a restaurant going 'So how are you really doing?', these conversations take place much less frequently and private, so at work, in public etc I need to try to read clues, which is hard.

As a depressed and suicidal friend, I understand that my negativity takes a lot of energy to deal with, so I understand when my best friend doesn't have the energy to ask 'How are you doing today?'. I often times ask her if she wants to know, and most of the time she says she wants the truth. Sometimes she has said that she cannot handle the truth today if it's very negative and to please be gentle. I have to respect that, her mental health is also not indestructible.

But yes, I understand. I don't know when or if to end it.
I have 2 people that know that I will ctb. They know. They fully KNOW know. But.. according to their actions, they don't care. Maybe they don't believe, maybe they don't want to believe, maybe they care deep inside and hide that feeling. But they will not do anything until I'm dead. It saddens me greatly. I have to die to be taken seriously, I have to die to be missed. I'm waiting at the moment because I am hoping that maybe they will miss me while I'm alive if I can wait long enough, but.. I'm running out of energy, out of the amount of pain I can take, and it doesn't matter.
It's my one and only struggle, when I should end it. I'm not going to be missed alive, but I would like to be missed while alive, so I can go back to my life, back home, and keep living my life. But I think it is less and less likely every day. I will be missed when I'm dead, that is when they will realize that they truly do miss me and want me back... And then they will hurt, thinking that I told them, thinking that they could have done something and they didn't.. they will be in pain. But my pain right now doesn't matter. I'm weighing their pain vs my pain, but in the end, my pain will win, because it's getting more and more every day, with every minute their propagate their uncaring actions.

But what is it that you are expecting from other people ?
What could they say that would make everything okay ?
Could it be possible for you to be enough in yourself, and for yourself ?
So that you rely on you ?
It may sound like a cliche, but there is tremendous wisdom in the song "the greatest love of all".
The Whitney Houston or George Benson versions of the song are both beautiful.
Could you listen to that song and connect with its meaning ?
Once you learn to be enough in yourself and perhaps love yourself more, you might be able to make better friends.
Or you might expect less of your friends, and not be so disappointed when they don't meet your expectations.

 

[noctiva]

But what is it that you are expecting from other people ?
What could they say that would make everything okay ?
Could it be possible for you to be enough in yourself, and for yourself ?
So that you rely on you ?
It may sound like a cliche, but there is tremendous wisdom in the song "the greatest love of all".
The Whitney Houston or George Benson versions of the song are both beautiful.
Could you listen to that song and connect with its meaning ?
Once you learn to be enough in yourself and perhaps love yourself more, you might be able to make better friends.
Or you might expect less of your friends, and not be so disappointed when they don't meet your expectations.

I know. I get that a lot, 'You need to learn to love yourself, you are enough already, you only need yourself in your own corner to back you up!' except it is not true. I'm no one, there's no one home 'here'. I am a robot and have been my whole life, I can follow the instructions for life, go to school, do the science thing, eat healthy, exercise, brush your teeth,.. I can do that like clockwork, perfectly repeated every day. But.. there's no one home, here, in me. I don't feel anything, it's boring, it's empty, it's in a vacuum. I've gone to the museums alone, I've gone to bars alone, there's nothing, no happiness, no joy, just a continuous flat underlying sadness. I've done it with friends. Same thing. It's flat, stale, somehow a bit better, there are some feelings, some ups and downs in my mood when doing it with my best friend. But I don't expect anything from my friends, their company can be nice, but I am still a robot with them.
I actually don't dislike myself. I look okay, I'm not my type, but I look okay, I am okay with my body, I don't hate it, I actually care for it, eat well, exercise, don't do any drugs, not even alcohol or coffee. I don't think I'm stupid, I don't think I'm bad. I am me, and I am who I am. That's fine. But the monotony of my life kills me. The constant flat, stale boring everything. I can go to a rollercoaster, and I'll still feel nothing, I can go on vacation to a different country and I feel nothing (except annoyed that I wasted the money on that), I can go to a really good restaurant and order an amazing tuna steak, and it's .. nothing. There is no one home in me, there's nothing going on that would be 'life'.
I had a family until 2 months ago. It changed everything. Suddenly I felt things, suddenly life became worth living, there was colour, there were heaps of ups and downs, there was passion, there was purpose, there was fun, there was sadness, there was love, there was everything! Life was wonderful, for 2 years life was absolutely wonderful. My robot schedule was thrown off by miles, my life was unpredictable to some extend, and it made it exciting, alive. That is what I think my life should be, this vivacity, that is what I want and need to thrive, to live. It also made my life safe. It made me feel supported, understood, heard, belonging.
Now I'm supposed to find my way back to being a robot. I have the predictability, the time, to do all the things again. Run from 4 pm to 6 pm. Make dinner, eat dinner at 6:45 pm, 8 pm shower and brush teeth, be in bed at 9:30 pm, read a book until 10:30 pm, sleep until 6:45 pm.. etc etc etc etc etc over and over and over, it is the perfect life, if you want to be healthy and fit and thin and smart and more or less successful. But it is stale, it is boring, it is empty and void. It has no love, no happiness, no fun, and now even more sadness, knowing what I've lost. I refuse to become this person again, this dead inside robot, not seen, not heard, not wanted, all alone and isloated.

EDIT: What one could say, that would make everything okay, is 'Come back home, love.'.

 

[waterbottleman]

Does anyone else feel as if they are always being misunderstood? Nobody cares about your suffering or about your depression or about you in general. They say to keep a smile on your face, focus on the positive, get out more and be more productive. Are they truly that ignorant? Do they want you to keep suffering? Do they get pleasure off of it?

I just don't see how people ignore one another's suffering. As my date comes closer, I keep going back to the idea of how suicide will be the ultimate slap in the face to family and friends. It's sad to see that they only care when you are dead.

Is it selfish to think about myself for once and end it to finally be free?

My family cares about me, no one else does though.

Yes I feel misunderstood (story of my life) and I know people don't give a damn about my well being which feeds into my loneliness and sense of meaninglessness in life. Pretty much every time I've spoken candidly about my feelings online or irl at best all I receive are the canned typical responses in which you can tell that the person is polite but doesn't really care. Although usually I'm just told something about how I need to stop whining and that I'm entitled. There's hardly ever a recognition that I'm a person with feelings who is struggling and I'm not looking for anyone to solve my problems I'm just looking for someone to actually show me compassion, show me that they recognize my humanity and care. However I'm way past ever expecting that at this point which plays a part in why I have closed myself off to people.

The lack of compassion is crushing, although honestly this phenomena is widespread in society so I'm no particular victim of it. I find it so disappointing and sad how cruel and negative people are towards each other. I am beyond tired of how negative people are to each other, it's sad. I think most people are good, but perhaps most people are struggling themselves so they lash out online to blow off some steam. I can understand and have compassion for that to an extent, but frankly I think it has gone too far and I think electing a bully as President is symbolic of how negative and toxic our culture has become (sorry don't mean to make this political).