Discussion Missing life

[alwayssad]

If you plan to ctb, don't you miss all the opportunities you could get in the future? Or maybe one day everything changes if you don't ctb? That feeling kinda hurts me

 

[Cress]

I guess generally the Rates at people Catching the bus increases at older ages because this argument no longer holds wait for them I suppose. So yes most people hold on to hope that someday things could be different and someday things could change. Personally I'm like that sometimes too usually not as much anymore though

 

[silligant]

I don't care to try new things much; I really highly doubt there's something incredible out there that I've yet to witness, but perhaps my suicidal cynicism is a factor in that; I just don't want to wait around and see; there's far too much incentive for me to CTB before any of that could happen

 

[NoHorizon]

Yes, as to me I'd much prefer life to be better than to die. But then I just think I'm entertaining a fantasy that isn't going to happen - it's like wishing to win the lottery, I can want it, but that doesn't make it a realistic prospect.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's certainly an odd feeling. That one day- that will be the last time I watch that film, or look at that beautiful landscape or- eat that yummy food. Still- that will happen regardless of whether I kill myself early or not. Death is a certain for all of us at some point.

Then- it's about looking at reality for me- what do I have to do/endure in order to do the things I do find pleasurable in life? Is the 'cost' worth it? No- not for me. There are just so many things about life I'm desperate to get away from. The bad (for me) outweighs the good.

Besides- while it obviously depends on your beliefs, I don't think suicide is something I'll have the ability to regret. I don't think there'll be any of 'me' left to miss these things. There will most likely be a moment of intense sadness before I CTB for the things I did enjoy about life but- I feel like if it becomes my time- I'll know it's for the best. I'll try and remind myself what it is I'm trying to get away from.

 

[Fernando_Pessoa]

I really relate to this, so much.
Thank you for sharing.

 

[godsseepiestsoldier]

Definitely but i kinda realised i wouldnt rlly care. If i got a new job or another reaserch paper published or almost anything i dont think id rlly care. Ive never felt proud or anything more than indifference to any achievement whether its a hobby or work that ive had. So rlly whats the point in suffering and being in more agony for something that i wont care about and wont benifit me

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm getting old now, and there are very few opportunities left for me now. I'm happy to be leaving soon.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I figure that if my life isn't what I want it to be by now, it'll never be that. I'm getting older. My health is failing. Opportunities are limited because of the dystopian reality I live in. Plus, missing out on what? People turn on you. Everything is expensive. Food is becoming scarce. There's a looming water shortage. War is inevitable in some parts of the DEVELOPED world. Yes, I feel I've missed out on life, but I missed out on the life I want. I didn't miss a thing of what I've had to experience. And I'm not saying there isn't good to experience, but that good is so few and far between that it might as well just be small carrots dangled in front of each individual person. And for some people, that's good enough to stay. For me, not so much.

 

[Vorty30]

If you plan to ctb, don't you miss all the opportunities you could get in the future? Or maybe one day everything changes if you don't ctb? That feeling kinda hurts me

Well, obviously I can not make any choices regarding what you decide to do, but if there is such an emotion in the way, a sort of... Doubt... Then I would say it is best for you to pause for a bit and reflect. See what options are left on the planning board.

As far as the question is concerned towards someone like me - It's not that I would miss them. It's the fact that I don't find any actual meaning to them. Study, girls, family, home... Just stop it people. Doesn't mean everyone is the same and shares the same logic. That sort of herd mentality is only as strong as everyone in it believes or buys it. And as much as they have their freedom to do so, do not push it to others that are different. I am not a black sheep, I just want to be left alone and not have people's sometimes most deluded ideas jump into my brain by force. Yeah, to them it's happiness. So what? It's not really worth anything to me.

Change, change already happened on my end and not for the better. So yes, if you wish to change something on your end though, please, try to distance yourself from any CTB plans at least for now. Hurt and pain and such - Such emotions can get you into trouble. You are unsure, then simply wait on it and think about other alternatives. :) Best of luck to you!

 

[JustABug]

If you plan to ctb, don't you miss all the opportunities you could get in the future? Or maybe one day everything changes if you don't ctb? That feeling kinda hurts me

I suppose. I fantasise about a life alone with a dog or two but I know that even if I were in that situation, living is something I genuinely find no joy in doing. Being hungry, cold, happy, tired or even excited is too tiring in itself. There could be a day where everything changes, and I hope that effects someone else positively as I know I will be long gone. I'm not too upset at the idea of missing out on a positive change.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Yeah. I'll never get to start a family. But I'm at the point in my life where its basically too late to do that anyway. I also have to many bad associations with sex and I'll never be able to move on and get over that trauma either. Everything that I'm missing out on I wouldn't get to experience like a normal person anyway so it doesn't matter that I'll CTB. Even if I planned on staying alive I already missed every opportunity. So it doesn't matter. I'm fucked beyond repair. The only thing I can do at this point is permanently go away

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I don't see anything desirable about experiencing existence, to me existing is completely futile, dreadful and unappealing, existence just causes harm and it comforts me the thought of being permanently free from all future suffering.

The fact that one cannot suffer from not existing is exactly why it appeals to me, I will always see it as preferable to not exist, all that I wish for is the peace of a dreamless and eternal sleep. I don't have any interest in this torturous process of decaying from age where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer, the thought of any kind of future just fills me with dread, I wish to ctb to escape from that.

 

[alwayssad]

permanently

Yeah. I'll never get to start a family. But I'm at the point in my life where it's basically too late to do that anyway. I also have to many bad associations with sex and I'll never be able to move on and get over that trauma either. Everything that I'm missing out on I wouldn't get to experience like a normal person anyway so it doesn't matter that I'll CTB. Even if I planned on staying alive I already missed every opportunity. So it doesn't matter. I'm fucked beyond repair. The only thing I can do at this point is permanently go away

I'm sorry for you, I know there is no hope left, I hope you find peace.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

I'm sorry for you, I know there is no hope left, I hope you find peace.

No need to be sorry. I mostly did it to myself. Nobodys fault but mine

 

[alwayssad]

No need to be sorry. I mostly did it to myself. Nobodys fault but mine

It's not your fault, Life just works out for some people and not for some other people

 

[hermestrimegistus]

It's not your fault, Life just works out for some people and not for some other people

Oh no. Its absolutely my fault. I made the choices that put me in this position

 

[alwayssad]

Oh no. It's absolutely my fault. I made the choices that put me in this position

That's true but you don't deserve to experience this. I'm sorry for you.

I really relate to this, so much.
Thank you for sharing.

I hope everything gets better for you.

In my case I don't see anything desirable about experiencing existence, to me existing is completely futile, dreadful and unappealing, existence just causes harm and it comforts me the thought of being permanently free from all future suffering.

The fact that one cannot suffer from not existing is exactly why it appeals to me, I will always see it as preferable to not exist, all that I wish for is the peace of a dreamless and eternal sleep. I don't have any interest in this torturous process of decaying from age where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer, the thought of any kind of future just fills me with dread, I wish to ctb to escape from that.

I feel you, thinking about not existing gives me peace, just like how it's peaceful to sleep. But the fact that you would die anyway, and you only get to experience life once, it makes me a little unsure about catching the bus. I still want to ctb but the fact that you get to only live once and then you are gone forever makes me rethink about it, even tho I'm suffering.

 

[leavingsoon99]

It's not your fault, Life just works out for some people and not for some other people

This is absolutely true.

 

[AllAlone]

I wish I could experience love or happiness but I have already tried and failed. I am too tired to try anymore. It doesn't matter if I am alive or dead either way I will be alone, but at least death offers peace. And once you are dead you won't exist to miss anything.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

That's true but you don't deserve to experience this. I'm sorry for you.

I appreciate it. But I do deserve to experience this. I'm not a good person

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

I genuinely think I'm a life failure. I've never achieved anything in life and I don't think there's any light at the end of the tunnel for me. I don't think I have a future or at least a decent one. I can't see myself ever being successful, stable and happy. The only place I could ever fit in is 6 feet under.

 

[voyager]

No, and the fact that I answer so is so telling, because it wasn't always so. Have lost my passion for life. There's a thread here which pops up now and again, asking us to name our suicide reasons in three words, I said "deprived of everything". This wasn't so much referring to love, financial wealth or material possessions but to my being as a whole. There's just nothing left. Like a dead tortoise shell, there's no life inside anymore.

Am 46 now and have been struggling for 30 years. 5 years ago a medical emergency in serious pain led me to asking myself one question, why am I still doing this to myself? Suffering every so often for little to no joy. I couldn't come up with an answer. That took my last luster out of life and haven't been able to regain it since, nor do I really want to anymore, not just because recovery is no longer realistic at this point, but because there was so much suffering involved even getting me here. Therefore, it's part of the process to me, as in progress. I don't regret holding out this long, but I would never trade it to go through it again, even if I could.

But yes, I loved life once. It was good for me at least until mid 16 and it's those memories which kept me afloat for a long time and some hope alive. But now these memories are hollow. There's no feel to them anymore. It's like having memories of the memories. My life to me is now a film. I was there, but there's practically no emotion involved. This may sound morose, but truly it isn't, because while I am struggling physically, mentally I'm almost euphoric at times. I've had some bad times these last few years and it seems asthough I'm out of the worst, providing nothing happens between now and my suicide.

This is the last dilemma I have, fulfill my obligations and dream ctb setting, but therefore risk complications or rush into it now, thereby missing out on more suffering (~hehe), but seriously, leaving a mess behind. I really don't know. Wish winter wasn't looming.

One last thing, if I could fly to the outer gas giants, I would. If I could jump from a plane with a wingsuit, I would. Both, just to see if I could still feel something, but it's not realistic, and the years of effort and money involved are just not worth the potential suffering for little to no joy.

And that's that.

 

[Ashu]

Oh no. Its absolutely my fault. I made the choices that put me in this position

It does feel that way, but...

 

[hermestrimegistus]

It does feel that way, but...

But what? Its the truth

 

[BlackMoon]

I want to CTB especially because it's absolutely impossible things get better.

No one would appreciate me if they really knew me. In fact, most people would hate me. And I can't do anything about it, except lying everytime. My mental state can't take it.

Knowing without any doubt no one will really like or love you make you realize how it's useless to seek for a better life.

So, except a few cool things I would like to do before acting my plan (e.g. a travel to Japan), no I don't have any sense of "missing life".

 

[voyager]

But what? Its the truth

Well, do you regret you decisions? If so, I'd say you can't be that bad. Without the benefit of hindsight and given the same information, we'd always be damned to make the same mistakes over and over again.

 

[Blue Elephant]

If you think about it there will always be something to enjoy, there will always be more and more and more things to enjoy .. this craving will never end. These things that we enjoy .. so many of them are poisoned gifts, which we could live with or without. But why are we all here?

I think it's because we miss the things that would be really worth to enjoy. And so if these things are not there anymore (for us) then there is nothing left to lose.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Well, do you regret you decisions? If so, I'd say you can't be that bad. Without the benefit of hindsight and given the same information, we'd always be damned to make the same mistakes over and over again.

I regret every major decision I've made. I've done some horrific things I can't ever take back and I'm finding it hard to live with them. I am not a good person

 

[Blue Elephant]

It's certainly an odd feeling. That one day- that will be the last time I watch that film, or look at that beautiful landscape or- eat that yummy food. Still- that will happen regardless of whether I kill myself early or not. Death is a certain for all of us at some point.

Then- it's about looking at reality for me- what do I have to do/endure in order to do the things I do find pleasurable in life? Is the 'cost' worth it? No- not for me. There are just so many things about life I'm desperate to get away from. The bad (for me) outweighs the good.

Besides- while it obviously depends on your beliefs, I don't think suicide is something I'll have the ability to regret. I don't think there'll be any of 'me' left to miss these things. There will most likely be a moment of intense sadness before I CTB for the things I did enjoy about life but- I feel like if it becomes my time- I'll know it's for the best. I'll try and remind myself what it is I'm trying to get away from.

Eloquent, grounded, objective. Spot on!

I figure that if my life isn't what I want it to be by now, it'll never be that. I'm getting older. My health is failing. Opportunities are limited because of the dystopian reality I live in. Plus, missing out on what? People turn on you. Everything is expensive. Food is becoming scarce. There's a looming water shortage. War is inevitable in some parts of the DEVELOPED world. Yes, I feel I've missed out on life, but I missed out on the life I want. I didn't miss a thing of what I've had to experience. And I'm not saying there isn't good to experience, but that good is so few and far between that it might as well just be small carrots dangled in front of each individual person. And for some people, that's good enough to stay. For me, not so much.

If there was the question of is the good worth it when there is so much bad then this is the answer.

I appreciate it. But I do deserve to experience this. I'm not a good person

Maybe you are not. You know better. But are you sorry about it? Would you be a bad person again if you'd have the chance?

I genuinely think I'm a life failure. I've never achieved anything in life and I don't think there's any light at the end of the tunnel for me. I don't think I have a future or at least a decent one. I can't see myself ever being successful, stable and happy. The only place I could ever fit in is 6 feet under.

We don't judge you on these forums (at least not in the way normies do), which means that there are no failures here, which means you are not one!

You don't have to achieve anything! My dog never achieved anything and yet she was the most beautiful being I have ever met, my cow never achieved anything and yet she gave us the sweetest milk, my chicken never achieved anything and yet the give us the most wholesome eggs. Here's a bit of judging though (definitely not the way normies do): Humanity achieved many things and yet the only thing that they manage to do is devolve into the purest form of garbage. Thank you for the continuous genocide and for the atomic bomb you dumb cunts!

@L0nely please don't compare yourself to the normies! You'd shame them too much.

No, and the fact that I answer so is so telling, because it wasn't always so. Have lost my passion for life. There's a thread here which pops up now and again, asking us to name our suicide reasons in three words, I said "deprived of everything". This wasn't so much referring to love, financial wealth or material possessions but to my being as a whole. There's just nothing left. Like a dead tortoise shell, there's no life inside anymore.

Am 46 now and have been struggling for 30 years. 5 years ago a medical emergency in serious pain led me to asking myself one question, why am I still doing this to myself? Suffering every so often for little to no joy. I couldn't come up with an answer. That took my last luster out of life and haven't been able to regain it since, nor do I really want to anymore, not just because recovery is no longer realistic at this point, but because there was so much suffering involved even getting me here. Therefore, it's part of the process to me, as in progress. I don't regret holding out this long, but I would never trade it to go through it again, even if I could.

But yes, I loved life once. It was good for me at least until mid 16 and it's those memories which kept me afloat for a long time and some hope alive. But now these memories are hollow. There's no feel to them anymore. It's like having memories of the memories. My life to me is now a film. I was there, but there's practically no emotion involved. This may sound morose, but truly it isn't, because while I am struggling physically, mentally I'm almost euphoric at times. I've had some bad times these last few years and it seems asthough I'm out of the worst, providing nothing happens between now and my suicide.

This is the last dilemma I have, fulfill my obligations and dream ctb setting, but therefore risk complications or rush into it now, thereby missing out on more suffering (~hehe), but seriously, leaving a mess behind. I really don't know. Wish winter wasn't looming.

One last thing, if I could fly to the outer gas giants, I would. If I could jump from a plane with a wingsuit, I would. Both, just to see if I could still feel something, but it's not realistic, and the years of effort and money involved are just not worth the potential suffering for little to no joy.

And that's that.

And that's that and that's me as well. To see the gas giants .. To CTB wingsuit flying into them screaming FUCK YEAH!

I love you man! : )

I want to CTB especially because it's absolutely impossible things get better.

No one would appreciate me if they really knew me. In fact, most people would hate me. And I can't do anything about it, except lying everytime. My mental state can't take it.

Knowing without any doubt no one will really like or love you make you realize how it's useless to seek for a better life.

So, except a few cool things I would like to do before acting my plan (e.g. a travel to Japan), no I don't have any sense of "missing life".

There would be at least one person who would appreaciate you.