Venting Missed an opening, so frustrated

[BandAddict]

My mom and sibling left to run errands, and I had a chance to go to a Walgreens nearby and take a vital step in my plan to CTB. I'm almost never home alone. I knew they'd be gone more than long enough for me to do it, but I was so fucking terrified to make the trip. I quickly got dressed and got everything together, walked out, went back inside, walked out again and started speedwalking. The panic grew immediately and I couldn't stop thinking about how my mom said a package was coming and she often calls me when it gets dropped off, and when I started walking along the main road I kept thinking I saw her fucking car. I'm so afraid to leave the house as it is, and all these variables made it even more difficult. I pussied out and walked back home. What the fuck is wrong with me?? I was so close to getting this shit done, and enough time has passed that I know I could have gone there and back by now, but it's too fucking late. Fuck.

 

[iwanttodie000]

Nothing is wrong with you! Trust me, we have all been there. I for years have had moments like that and never took advantage, and felt the same way you do, frustrated, with questions why I didn't etc. The fact is ... not only is it a huge step, but it's easily overwhelming to think about and our brains sometimes just shut it down. Also, it's normal to think that everyone knows where you're going when you're trying to do this, or that you see people or things that may or may not even be there because you want so badly for it to work. Stay strong my friend, and know when the time is right, things will come together. Many of us have been there.

 

[WornOutLife]

Relax. There will be more chances. You were just not ready.
I'm not ready either.
Death is waiting patiently for all of us. Don't worry.