Might do it today

[EminemTupacDrDre567]

I'm caring less and less how it will affect my family. I'm a joke of a human being and just want to get it over with.

I'm 33 yo male who lives with his parents. By some miracle i got married 8 years ago but it ended in divorce. I don't have the will to date again. My mind is so far gone now.

I haven't been able to hold down a job. It's too miserable and if someone is disrespectful in any way, I'm filled with rage and fantasize about killing them.

I just don't want to be a joke anymore. I got a dealt a shit hand. Without my mental illness I could've had a good life.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful what you have to endure but anyway I hope that if you decide to leave today you find the freedom you wish for, to me it's understandable wishing to be free from all the suffering.

 

[EminemTupacDrDre567]

I panicked that day. Today is the day I'm definitely doing it. I just wanted to share that and have someone to talk to in my final hours about the decision.

These are my reasons for doing it. I have to do this. It's the humane thing to do. I can't chicken out.

1. don't want this kind of life. I can't even function. I hate my life. I hate every fuckin minute I'm awake. I don't enjoy anything. This is a very low quality life and I don't want to live it. I'm going to fail at any job because my mind just can't function. It's scrambled and it gets worse every year. I want to get it over with now before I lose the capacity to do it.
2. It is the humane thing to do. No living creature should be allowed to suffer.
3. I just accept it was bad luck. It's a small percentage of people who get mental illness this severe. Realistically, there is just no path forward to anything resembling a decent life. I can only dream of what could've been had I not gotten this illness.
4. I'd rather be dead than be a loser and a joke. I've tried to delude myself into thinking it's not that important. It didn't work.
   
   
5. I hope to bring awareness to the Death With Dignity euthanasia movement. I should've had a better option to end my life than doing it like this. I was either going to do this or jump off a bridge. Getting an injection or taking a pill that just puts people to sleep should be an option available to anyone who wants it. Those who have happy lives will never understand. I hope to convince some of them that we need legislation to do the humane and ethical thing and give people the option to end their lives with dignity.

 

[front of me]

I think there is a system to help the unemployed
Because you love 2pac I think you have white heart

 

[CW36]

Because you love 2pac I think you have white heart

Say wha??

 

[EminemTupacDrDre567]

I think there is a system to help the unemployed
Because you love 2pac I think you have white heart

It's hard to get unemployment compensation unless you're laid off. If you quit or get fired, you usually don't get it. I know some people who lucked out though. I tried disability. It's a 5 month waiting list in the US and then they'll probably deny you. I wouldn't want to live a life on disability anyways. I hate my life when I'm working and I hate it when I'm at home

It's hard to get unemployment compensation unless you're laid off. If you quit or get fired, you usually don't get it. I know some people who lucked out though. I tried disability. It's a 5 month waiting list in the US and then they'll probably deny you. I wouldn't want to live a life on disability anyways. I hate my life when I'm working and I hate it when I'm at home

Also, I do have a job I'm supposed to start Monday flagging traffic. It's 12 hour days 6 days a week. Sounds pretty miserable and not worth living just to do that. I've been wanting to commit suicide for some time now and no job was going to fix my life for me. I really feel incapable of feeling good about anything

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this and life brought you to this point. I fully understand your decision as it seems to be the only logic decision. You will need a few more posts to activate your chat functions. then you are able to chat with other users via PM.

What's your other method instead of jumping off a bridge? That is so hard to defeat SI when jumping.

You are certainly not alone with almost unsolvable problems here.

 

[EminemTupacDrDre567]

I'm sorry you have to go through this and life brought you to this point. I fully understand your decision as it seems to be the only logic decision. You will need a few more posts to activate your chat functions. then you are able to chat with other users via PM.

What's your other method instead of jumping off a bridge? That is so hard to defeat SI when jumping.

You are certainly not alone with almost unsolvable problems here.

Thank you. The other method is shooting myself with a shotgun. The bridge one would indeed be tough. There's nowhere to pull off on that bridge so in the name of safety for others, I would have to park my car at the end of the bridge and run toward the center and then jump off. There'd be no turning back then. It's either do it or get put away for a while. I doubt I'd be getting out in 10 days like all my other hospitalizations.