Story might ctb from this

[szatoruxx]

so basically i have like a moderate smoking habit (i wouldn't call it an addiction, really. i smoke only when im really stressed or extremely overstimulated, which is usually 2-3 times a month.) and the thing is, i've kept it a secret from my family. currently i'm on holiday so i'm with my parents. and recently my dumbass forgot to flush a used cigarette down the toilet and forgot to throw away another cigarette that was in a plastic bag under my bed, often used for my used bandages. (i know, i'm extremely stupid..) so naturally, my parents found out and ... let's just say i'm a "suspect" for now.. mostly because i'm the only "girl" among all my siblings (i say "girl" cause i'm trans lol) and that almost all my elder brothers are smokers. but the thing is, my smoker brothers get their cigarettes from malaysia and stuff, while the cigarettes i got were from indonesia, given to me by my friend's mother. (pretty weird, i know..) so one of my brothers is already onto me, saying that i'm definitely smoking. i'm in college, ok.. and i have a good rep and stuff. the issue here is that, my dad threatened to me that if he finds evidence of me smoking, he's going to force me out of college and uh... basically turn me to the police. (mostly cause smoking is illegal where i'm at) this is really overwhelming for me and stuff and i know i had it coming but i didn't think that i could be THIS stupid, like actually. i'm deeply disappointed with myself.. smh... so now, i have to hope for the best, hide my cigarette pack and stay clean. (which really sucks cause relapsing is one of my only ways of coping with my life, cause i'm masochistic and stuff.. weird, i know.) i'm also really fucking paranoid so everything is just really overwhelming me and i have mental issues deadass, so nothing can make this better tbh..

tl;dr i almost got caught smoking, my reputation is on the line, i'm suicidal, paranoid and unstable as hell, i'm really stupid and i might just hang myself from this. which is a post i'll make about sooner or later, cause i actually need some feedback..