Help Might be on the autism spectrum

[Meteora]

Hey guys

It is two years ago that I got the advice from a psychologist to go to autism evaluation. I first didn't take it seriously cause I disliked that psychologist very much. Since last summer I try to get an evaluation. No chance. Made another phone call today to the university hospital of my town, waiting period one year.
I m not gonna survive that, honestly. I m so so depressed, I have no words to express it and now I should wait another year to eventually get the right support.... that must be a sick joke.......... besides it happens a lot that female autists get misdiagnosed. The woman on the phone told me she's an austist herself and she needed two evaluations since the first one came to the conclusion she is not on the spectrum.
I'm so desperate and yet got so much rage that I could hurt myself serioulsy.

 

[Meteora]

Seems like even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn.... I just got a call and can start the evaluation in one week! I m so gratful and yet so worried. What if it was Asperger's that was the "problem" and they made me believe for three decades I was severely traumatized from an early age on?
I could throw my life to the bin because it was destroyed by misdiagnosis (and meds).
At this point, I can only pray that things might eventually change for the better.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Seems like even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn.... I just got a call and can start the evaluation in one week! I m so gratful and yet so worried. What if it was Asperger that was the "problem" and they made me believe for three decades I was severely traumatized from an early age on?
I could throw my life to the bin.
At this point, I can only pray that things will eventually change for the better.

I wish you good luck!!

 

[Meteora]

I wish you good luck!!

thank you so much

 

[Ah.ow]

in one week! I m so gratful and yet so worried. What if it was Asperger's that was the "problem" and they made me believe for three decades I was severely traumatized from an early age on?

Do you mean people and psychologists thought you were traumatized instead?

I ask because i heard the opposite happens, and seemed to include me, with thinking a traumatised person's trauma is explained by autism ideas?

I got confused, but was interested in i guess the topic of these things getting confused?

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Hey guys

It is two years ago that I got the advice from a psychologist to go to autism evaluation. I first didn't take it seriously cause I disliked that psychologist very much. Since last summer I try to get an evaluation. No chance. Made another phone call today to the university hospital of my town, waiting period one year.
I m not gonna survive that, honestly. I m so so depressed, I have no words to express it and now I should wait another year to eventually get the right support.... that must be a sick joke.......... besides it happens a lot that female autists get misdiagnosed. The woman on the phone told me she's an austist herself and she needed two evaluations since the first one came to the conclusion she is not on the spectrum.
I'm so desperate and yet got so much rage that I could hurt myself serioulsy.

It's ridiculous in the UK. GPs love to say oh you are depressed, bipolar, etc - basically all the stuff where they can order lots of pills / anti depressants. They NEVER mention autism unless you bring it up. Oh it's a 36 month wait. He's a pamphlet on a group you can go to to discuss it. I don't like groups…. Why would I go to a group environment to "discuss it". Unless you have a spare £3800 hanging around you can do it within a few months. I'm 35. I don't how they deal with anyone who's under 18 given my treatment. Fucking hell hole.

Seems like even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn.... I just got a call and can start the evaluation in one week! I m so gratful and yet so worried. What if it was Asperger's that was the "problem" and they made me believe for three decades I was severely traumatized from an early age on?
I could throw my life to the bin because it was destroyed by misdiagnosis (and meds).
At this point, I can only pray that things might eventually change for the better.

You can have both trauma and be on the spectrum. From what I've read (I'm not a phycologist) there are major differences. If anything the trauma makes the autism traits even more prominent. I hyperfocus and can spend hours doing something without being disturbed. When my parents were shouting I would put in my headphones and draw or play games for 8+ hours. I still do it now where I'm drawing and can do it for ages without break. That's just one example.

Oh is your name Meteora because of Linkin Park?

 

[trashprincess]

Seems like even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn.... I just got a call and can start the evaluation in one week! I m so gratful and yet so worried. What if it was Asperger's that was the "problem" and they made me believe for three decades I was severely traumatized from an early age on?
I could throw my life to the bin because it was destroyed by misdiagnosis (and meds).
At this point, I can only pray that things might eventually change for the better.

Sincere congratulations I hope this can help bring you understanding and healing

There's also the unfortunate possibility of both being true But without knowing your life I wouldn't know. Do you currently have a therapist you feel comfortable discussing this concern with?

I'm rooting for you! *hugs*

 

[Meteora]

Do you mean people and psychologists thought you were traumatized instead?

I ask because i heard the opposite happens, and seemed to include me, with thinking a traumatised person's trauma is explained by autism ideas?

I got confused, but was interested in i guess the topic of these things getting confused?

Yes, thats what I m wondering. But maybe I m both, autistic and very traumatized. I just wished I knew what to work on and whats wrong with me .
Ok, so do I get it right that you were diagnosed with autism but found out you were traumatized?

It's ridiculous in the UK. GPs love to say oh you are depressed, bipolar, etc - basically all the stuff where they can order lots of pills / anti depressants. They NEVER mention autism unless you bring it up. Oh it's a 36 month wait. He's a pamphlet on a group you can go to to discuss it. I don't like groups…. Why would I go to a group environment to "discuss it". Unless you have a spare £3800 hanging around you can do it within a few months. I'm 35. I don't how they deal with anyone who's under 18 given my treatment. Fucking hell hole.

Oh Lord I feel that..... and I hate these circumstances so much.... .

You can have both trauma and be on the spectrum. From what I've read (I'm not a phycologist) there are major differences. If anything the trauma makes the autism traits even more prominent. I hyperfocus and can spend hours doing something without being disturbed. When my parents were shouting I would put in my headphones and draw or play games for 8+ hours. I still do it now where I'm drawing and can do it for ages without break. That's just one example.

So one major differences would be that you can set boundaries towards things that annoy you?
Yeah actually that psychologist on Monday has to tell me how she distinguishes autism from early childhood neglect.

Oh is your name Meteora because of Linkin Park?

No, I love Linkin Park though but noticed the link later. I know a horse with this name <3.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Yes, thats what I m wondering. But maybe I m both, autistic and very traumatized. I just wished I knew what to work on and whats wrong with me .
Ok, so do I get it right that you were diagnosed with autism but found out you were traumatized?

Oh Lord I feel that..... and I hate these circumstances so much.... .


So one major differences would be that you can set boundaries towards things that annoy you?
Yeah actually that psychologist on Monday has to tell me how she distinguishes autism from early childhood neglect.


No, I love Linkin Park though but noticed the link later. I know a horse with this name <3.

There are some things that are no where linked to trauma e.g : being very systematic and putting things in a particular order, being very particular/sensitive to the material and fit of clothing on skin, stimming, etc.

I don't think it was boundaries. More escape. Art and playing Zelda, Mario, Metal Gear Solid was complete escapism for me, as if I wasn't here and I was in those worlds (even if the odds in those worlds were very bad - Majoras mask - end of the world type stuff).

That horse is secretly listening to this:
https://youtu.be/LYU-8IFcDPw

 

[Meteora]

Sincere congratulations I hope this can help bring you understanding and healing

Yeah I hope so...

Do you currently have a therapist you feel comfortable discussing this concern with?

No I don't. I dont trust them anymore. Its a bunch of immature idiots. They caused me so much pain and suffering....

Thank you .

 

[trashprincess]

Yeah I hope so...

No I don't. I dont trust them anymore. Its a bunch of immature idiots. They caused me so much pain and suffering....

Thank you .

Oof I get that. I managed to have one really helpful therapist for a time, but I've seen like ten therapists in total so the odds still make it very discouraging

Is there anyone you're able to confide in

 

[Meteora]

being very systematic and putting things in a particular order, being very particular/sensitive to the material and fit of clothing on skin, stimming, etc.

I guess I am very systematic. I used to play volleyball (was very bad at it) and my team mates made fun of me calling me "Monk".
Sensitivity to clothes I dont have. Stimming...
makes me feel good. A lot. Wish I d feel like this all the time like when I follow patterns with my eyes, rock myself, i love repetition in music.
But it took me veeery long to understand. I didnt do such things as a child.

I don't think it was boundaries. More escape. Art and playing Zelda, Mario, Metal Gear Solid was complete escapism for me, as if I wasn't here and I was in those worlds

Funny I played both, Mario and Zelda as well. And Donkey Kong :).

That horse is secretly listening to this:

<3

Is there anyone you're able to confide in

My GP. She's kind of good but doesnt understand much of mental health stuff, obviously.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I guess I am very systematic. I used to play volleyball (was very bad at it) and my team mates made fun of me calling me "Monk".
Sensitivity to clothes I dont have. Stimming...
makes me feel good. A lot. Wish I d feel like this all the time like when I follow patterns with my eyes, rock myself, i love repetition in music.
But it took me veeery long to understand. I didnt do such things as a child.


Funny I played both, Mario and Zelda as well. And Donkey Kong :).

<3

My GP. She's kind of good but doesnt understand much of mental health stuff, obviously.

Repetition music lol. I basically play the same playlist which has linkin Park, Bring Me The Horizon, Sleept Token, Sonic music and Devil May Cry 5 tracks. Yeah extremely high chance you are autistic.

Did you play DK64? Come on Cranky…. Take it to the fridge! Walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells. Grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells ah yeah!

 

[trashprincess]

My GP. She's kind of good but doesnt understand much of mental health stuff, obviously.

*many hugs* I'm glad you have at least one person but it's so hard not having the support you need Feel free to reach out if you'd like someone to talk to

Also I can say I learned a ton about mental health by just listening to people with similar feelings and problems as me.

 

[Meteora]

Repetition music lol. I basically play the same playlist which has linkin Park, Bring Me The Horizon, Sleept Token, Sonic music and Devil May Cry 5 tracks. Yeah extremely high chance you are autistic.

Are you making fun of me?
Now that I think about it, I remember many more things, I do things the same way over and over again. That is the best for me. F. ex. I sit on the balcony, smoke and play a game on the phone and dring water or tea. I always sit in the same position, take a drag of the cigarette while commercial is playing, then I count until the ad is over. I do that over and over again lol. gives me a good feeling.
Before I fall asleep I first lay on the left side, then on the right side. If I still can't sleep i turn on my back. I need to hold my stuffed dog in my arms otherwise I cannot sleep.

Is that nothing that normies would do?

Did you play DK64?

No I did not.

*many hugs* I'm glad you have at least one person but it's so hard not having the support you need Feel free to reach out if you'd like someone to talk to

Also I can say I learned a ton about mental health by just listening to people with similar feelings and problems as me.

Its so hard yes. My life is just a living hell. Ok it could be worse, f.ex. if I was forced to prostitution. There is a part of the city here where they openly sell themselves. Makes me so sad. And it is known that many get forced to do that......
Thank you same goes for you <3.

Honestly, by writing on SaSu I feel most at home. No person in real life can give me this feeling.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Are you making fun of me?
Now that I think about it, I remember many more things, I do things the same way over and over again. That is the best for me. F. ex. I sit on the balcony, smoke and play a game on the phone and dring water or tea. I always sit in the same position, take a drag of the cigarette while commercial is playing, then I count until the ad is over. I do that over and over again lol. gives me a good feeling.
Before I fall asleep I first lay on the left side, then on the right side. If I still can't sleep i turn on my back. I need to hold my stuffed dog in my arms otherwise I cannot sleep.

Is that nothing that normies would do?


No I did not.

Its so hard yes. My life is just a living hell. Ok it could be worse, f.ex. if I was forced to prostitution. There is a part of the city here where they openly sell themselves. Makes me so sad. And it is known that many get forced to do that......
Thank you same goes for you <3.

Honestly, by writing on SaSu I feel most at home. No person in real life can give me this feeling.

Sorry - British and I say lol a lot when it's so similar to my situation. No im not laughing at you. I do all the same stuff. I forget that this is text and when I say things it sometimes comes across different to what other people. Basically the same in real life as sometimes people have said I'm rude/blunt.
Yes I have a seat. Yes I also do the same position in bed with pillow position and stuff.
Must have played Donkey Kong Country? On SNES?

Yeah sorry if I come across how you thought. I'm thinking about too many things and start typing too much and need to chill a bit to process.

 

[Meteora]

Ah, get it :).
Hm I played it on Nintendo. I don t remember it being called Donkey Kong Country.

Yeah sorry if I come across how you thought.

No worries

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Ah, get it :).
Hm I played it on Nintendo. I don t remember it being called Donkey Kong Country.

No worries

Yeah it was probably Donkey Kong Country

 

[theboy]

wow

 

[EmptyHeaded]

I didnt do such things as a child.

You (and if possible relatives) will be asked about if symptoms appeared in your childhood. Onset in early childhood is required for a diagnosis. If your symptoms only started appearing in your teens or even later, you may not receive a diagnosis.

Repetition music lol. I basically play the same playlist which has linkin Park, Bring Me The Horizon, Sleept Token, Sonic music and Devil May Cry 5 tracks. Yeah extremely high chance you are autistic.

As far as I'm aware, listening to music on repeat is not considered stimming. It's one of those things where you say "Autism may cause this" rather than "This is an indicator of Autism".

 

[Meteora]

Yeah it was probably Donkey Kong Country

The one I played was with bees, the ape was in the middle and on the left and right side beehives.

 

[Meteora]

The problem with my mother is that she tells things about my childhood and when she notices that she should've behaved differently for my sake she changes the story to avoid feelings of guilt. How can someone like this be helpful for evaluation?

I m pretty sure though I cried a lot ever since I was born, she didn't know how to sooth me, she said. I know when I started walking I bumped into all kind of stuff and had bruises and bumps all the time. This still happens today.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

You (and if possible relatives) will be asked about if symptoms appeared in your childhood. Onset in early childhood is required for a diagnosis. If your symptoms only started appearing in your teens or even later, you may not receive a diagnosis.

As far as I'm aware, listening to music on repeat is not considered stimming. It's one of those things where you say "Autism may cause this" rather than "This is an indicator of Autism".

I can't go into studies and stuff as it's a lot of text. That one paragraph is from lots of reading. Repetitive regiment or system activities (that includes music).

But beyond that, repetitive behaviours may offer these individuals a way to calm their anxiety, generate or maintain awareness of their bodies, focus their concentration or deal with overwhelming sensations or emotions. They may also help autistic people communicate their mental or emotional state to others.
Do you listen to the same song on repeat? You might be rhythmically stimming. If you would like to know more about this, please do stay tuned. Everybody stims, but Autistic People stim more, because many of us struggle with dysregulation -having too little or too much energy, or sensation, in our body.

I have a lot of information on it ironically even though not diagnosed yet because of the stupid UK NHS but on a forum I can't only type so much. If I was at a laptop or explaining to someone else I could go on for a long time. The repetition can be classed as a stimming aspect also.

The problem with my mother is that she tells things about my childhood and when she notices that she should've behaved differently for my sake she changes the story to avoid feelings of guilt. How can someone like this be helpful for evaluation?

I m pretty sure though I cried a lot ever since I was born, she didn't know how to sooth me, she said. I know when I started walking I bumped into all kind of stuff and had bruises and bumps all the time. This still happens today.

Gas lighting, narcissism, maybe more.

My mum said that as well. "I never saw you unhappy" "everyone gets robbed at some point"

Yes having someone pull a knife on you is normal and everyone experiences it. That's just two examples but this type of behaviour seems to be "normal" with a lot of boomers and gen x

The one I played was with bees, the ape was in the middle and on the left and right side beehives.

View attachment IMG_8689.webp
Maybe Donkey Kong 3

 

[Meteora]

Yeah seems very clear that music can be stimming.... it is so rhythmical and gives one a sense of structure and being held. I used to play songs on repeat but now love music that is repetitve in itself, hard to describe, just simple music without voice like classical music.

Gas lighting, narcissism, maybe more.

My mum said that as well. "I never saw you unhappy" "everyone gets robbed at some point"

Yes I think so too. She is very narcissistic. Oh God.... they just don't seem to have a conciousness and no feeling for proportionality, either.

View attachment IMG_8689.webp
Maybe Donkey Kong 3

AHHHH you re my nintendo-hero :D. I ve been wondering for quite log what game it was. Its this, donkey kong 3.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I know when I started walking I bumped into all kind of stuff and had bruises and bumps all the time. This still happens today.

This is something that most autistic people do. This is due to coordination issues which autism contributes to. I still bump into random objects today and get random bruises everywhere

 

[Meteora]

But one question remains: why is it called donkey kong if the protagonist is an ape :D? @Throwawayacc3

This is something that most autistic people do. This is due to coordination issues which autism contributes to. I still bump into random objects today and get random bruises everywhere

Oh ok.... hm. Yeah I also drop a lot of things, spill drinks... I m just clumsy.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

I can't go into studies and stuff as it's a lot of text. That one paragraph is from lots of reading. Repetitive regiment or system activities (that includes music).

But beyond that, repetitive behaviours may offer these individuals a way to calm their anxiety, generate or maintain awareness of their bodies, focus their concentration or deal with overwhelming sensations or emotions. They may also help autistic people communicate their mental or emotional state to others.
Do you listen to the same song on repeat? You might be rhythmically stimming. If you would like to know more about this, please do stay tuned. Everybody stims, but Autistic People stim more, because many of us struggle with dysregulation -having too little or too much energy, or sensation, in our body.

I have a lot of information on it ironically even though not diagnosed yet because of the stupid UK NHS but on a forum I can't only type so much. If I was at a laptop or explaining to someone else I could go on for a long time. The repetition can be classed as a stimming aspect also.

Sorry, I should have probably specified. While it can be considered stimming (not all psychologists agree on that), it's not considered to be "autistic" (for the lack of s better word) stimming. I.e. it isn't something that's considered a symptom of autism, since it's (just as stimming in general) a common behavior in most people. The ICD-11 and the DSM-V specify that it needs to be "Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements". As such, no psychiatrist/therapist would consider listening to music on repeat to be a symptom of autism. Autism can explain it, but it isn't an indicator of it.

 

[Meteora]

As such, no psychiatrist/therapist would consider listening to music on repeat to be a symptom of autism. Autism can explain it, but it isn't an indicator of it.

Of course, as a single symptom it is not valid. It is always a interplay of many different things. And I d go a bit deeper and look at how this music listening really is. Listening to music is not equal to listening to music.

Are you autistic, too @LuvMeMusic ?

 

[EmptyHeaded]

Are you autistic, too @LuvMeMusic ?

No, I'm not. I just spent some time reasing about it because I've been (non jokingly) been called autistic by a few people (and a therapist, but he used it as an insult).

 

[Throwawayacc3]

No, I'm not. I just spent some time reasing about it because I've been (non jokingly) been called autistic by a few people (and a therapist, but he used it as an insult).

How much do you Luv your music. I like your username!

But one question remains: why is it called donkey kong if the protagonist is an ape :D? @Throwawayacc3



Oh ok.... hm. Yeah I also drop a lot of things, spill drinks... I m just clumsy.

I have no idea. He's just MONKE.