Mid 40s UK - Reached the end of trying

[ukket]

I am in the UK and in my mid 40's, i tried to kill myself 10 years ago by trying to jump in front of train but failed as something stopped me from that final jump, the blaring of the train horn or something. I am now 10 years later and considering N to end it all, I have no-one to care about, no one cares about me, what do others in this situation do? are there any other mid-40s people considering to end it all? I have the D so can find some I hope.

I hope all the others in this situation find peace as well. This world is a horrid place, I was hoping we would have an end of world event by now!

 

[GreenTree]

I'm 44 male from South West England. Let me know if you get any N. I got the D too.

 

[Jimblue]

I don't think you can get N in UK. I tried very hard to find N but result is very negative.

I am sorts of similar situation. I feel people will be more benefit if I dead.

I am not 40 yet and I don't think I can make it. I feel I want to end up right now.

I guess it's all depending on what you really want to in your life and think what to do next.

I'm 44 male from South West England. Let me know if you get any N. I got the D too.

Sorry may I ask what's D. First time I heard about that. I from north uk.

 

[ukket]

I don't think you can get N in UK. I tried very hard to find N but result is very negative.

I am sorts of similar situation. I feel people will be more benefit if I dead.

I am not 40 yet and I don't think I can make it. I feel I want to end up right now.

I guess it's all depending on what you really want to in your life and think what to do next.

Sorry may I ask what's D. First time I heard about that. I from north uk.

I am looking on the D, some places but need to sort out BTC etc. I work in IT so its easy to understand, I can relate, i wanted to end it when i was 30 or so, I feel that i have tried and just cannot fit in, no-one really cares for me plus i am gay so that brings a load of other things into the mix! I don't want to do anything next, i've tried and feel i need to just exit this world, it will be all for the better and people can mourn me for a day or so if they even will and go back to their lives..

Hopefully will find some N as it seems the most easy way out.

 

[jodes2]

I am in the UK and in my mid 40's, i tried to kill myself 10 years ago by trying to jump in front of train but failed as something stopped me from that final jump, the blaring of the train horn or something. I am now 10 years later and considering N to end it all, I have no-one to care about, no one cares about me, what do others in this situation do? are there any other mid-40s people considering to end it all? I have the D so can find some I hope.

I hope all the others in this situation find peace as well. This world is a horrid place, I was hoping we would have an end of world event by now!

What's D? Sorry your attempt failed.

I'm 41 and in the UK. (SE London). I have been hospitalised many times for psychosis and suicidal thoughts. That's all they do for me, psychiatrists haven't helped me enjoy life in the 25 years I've been going to them. They never assign anyone to help me with paperwork. None of the drugs actually help me enjoy life. I just live with chronic boredom and dissatisfaction.

I've tried killing myself many times with at least 3 methods. Partial didn't work. Gas didn't work. I couldn't jump from beachy head cliffs. So next I'll probably try SN, I wish I could get N but my patience with life is wearing thin and another supplier for N might not arrive on the scene for quite some time.

 

[Lost Magic]

almost 40 here and I don't want to make that milestone. I'm just done with everything and it is too tiring to continue on.

 

[ukket]

What's D? Sorry your attempt failed.

I'm 41 and in the UK. (SE London). I have been hospitalised many times for psychosis and suicidal thoughts. That's all they do for me, psychiatrists haven't helped me enjoy life in the 25 years I've been going to them. They never assign anyone to help me with paperwork. None of the drugs actually help me enjoy life. I just live with chronic boredom and dissatisfaction.

I've tried killing myself many times with at least 3 methods. Partial didn't work. Gas didn't work. I couldn't jump from beachy head cliffs. So next I'll probably try SN, I wish I could get N but my patience with life is wearing thin and another supplier for N might not arrive on the scene for quite some time.

dark Web, my old flatmate used to get all his dodgy stuff from there so will give it a go and order some N, see what happens. I have not even entertained seeing anyone about how i feel, ended up with a counciller for a while but she did nothing apart from talking about food.... I hope you find peace, i certainly want to, just stop thinking about what the next horrid day will bring me.

almost 40 here and I don't want to make that milestone. I'm just done with everything and it is too tiring to continue on.

Can totally agree, i didn't want to hit 40 and i have said to myself i will end it all by the time i am 50, i just don't want to exist.

 

[Jimblue]

I am looking on the D, some places but need to sort out BTC etc. I work in IT so its easy to understand, I can relate, i wanted to end it when i was 30 or so, I feel that i have tried and just cannot fit in, no-one really cares for me plus i am gay so that brings a load of other things into the mix! I don't want to do anything next, i've tried and feel i need to just exit this world, it will be all for the better and people can mourn me for a day or so if they even will and go back to their lives..

Hopefully will find some N as it seems the most easy way out.

I have that feeling too about I can not fit in anywhere since I was a kid. I feel no one likes me. And when I have to be in a group to do team work. The boys always give me an attitude and point out they were not happy be in same team with me.

There is a period when I was a younger girl,
I tried so hard to please people. But people are just take advantage of me and hurt me even more.

Now I feel I am completely give up, I decided accept the fact the one would ever love me.

 

[jodes2]

dark Web, my old flatmate used to get all his dodgy stuff from there so will give it a go and order some N, see what happens. I have not even entertained seeing anyone about how i feel, ended up with a counciller for a while but she did nothing apart from talking about food.... I hope you find peace, i certainly want to, just stop thinking about what the next horrid day will bring me.

Can totally agree, i didn't want to hit 40 and i have said to myself i will end it all by the time i am 50, i just don't want to exist.

Lol @she just talked about food, that's so pathetic. How do they think stuff like that will fix us?

Thank you. I hope you find peace too.

I need to end it before I'm 50, my dad is already elderly and the only person really looking after me, there will come a point when he can't help me anymore or will die so I need to be gone by then

 

[Jimblue]

dark Web, my old flatmate used to get all his dodgy stuff from there so will give it a go and order some N, see what happens. I have not even entertained seeing anyone about how i feel, ended up with a counciller for a while but she did nothing apart from talking about food.... I hope you find peace, i certainly want to, just stop thinking about what the next horrid day will bring me.

Can totally agree, i didn't want to hit 40 and i have said to myself i will end it all by the time i am 50, i just don't want to exist.

Do you mind PM the site, I am desperate for N.

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

Nearly 40 here, don't plan to make it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm 42 and have had ideation to varying degrees since age 10. It's just becoming harder and harder to keep going and it really all just feels so pointless.

I hope you are able to find N but do please be careful- I know there are a lot of scams out there.

 

[chris121]

Im around the same age as you in the UK and feel the same. I would love to get n or sn but it seems impossible.
I'm planning on the night night route this weekend but not sure it's going to work I really would prefer an easy method that I can just drink.

 

[come to dust]

I dont recommend buying N from the well known seller if youare in UK. Everyone gets a police visit nowdays it seems

I am looking on the D, some places but need to sort out BTC etc. I work in IT so its easy to understand, I can relate, i wanted to end it when i was 30 or so, I feel that i have tried and just cannot fit in, no-one really cares for me plus i am gay so that brings a load of other things into the mix! I don't want to do anything next, i've tried and feel i need to just exit this world, it will be all for the better and people can mourn me for a day or so if they even will and go back to their lives..

Hopefully will find some N as it seems the most easy way out.

I am gay too and I hate it.

 

[Euthanza]

I'm mid 40s gay from Indo, I tried overdose diazepam 17 years ago (now I know it's stupid). I've got my SN but my timeline is still faraway, planning to CTB in 2025, fastest 2024, because I still have some things to get done here. May be I also can get N in the meaning time? Idk, not sure there's any resource available at the moment. Too many N scammers out there to risk the money.

 

[Smart No More]

Be careful not to get scammed on dark net markets. I'm watching a couple of listing for N but doubt they'll turn out legitimate. There's been none for some time now. Only scams.

 

[mjlondon88]

34 soon 35 I'm gay. I feel like I can't hold down a job I can't work full time. Whenever I face hardships I get so depressed and anxious and just hide in bed for days. Nobody should feel this low. I just wish i could die so this could all end.

 

[AnonymousS]

I am in the UK and in my mid 40's, i tried to kill myself 10 years ago by trying to jump in front of train but failed as something stopped me from that final jump, the blaring of the train horn or something. I am now 10 years later and considering N to end it all, I have no-one to care about, no one cares about me, what do others in this situation do? are there any other mid-40s people considering to end it all? I have the D so can find some I hope.

I hope all the others in this situation find peace as well. This world is a horrid place, I was hoping we would have an end of world event by now!

I am 48, and also in the UK. I have tried with life and had some good times, but usually it's been awful. Chronic severe depression, PTSD, chronic fatigue, and i have attempted on multiple occasions. Some would call me lucky, i nearly succeeded with suspension hanging, but wet myself after i blacked out and woke up. Also visited ITU on two ocassions, at times i have felt glad that i failed, but not for many, many years now. Last year i sold most of my belongings, and booked into a hotel in Eastbourne, and planned to jump off at the Beachy Head cliffs. I could not get past my SI, despite drugs and alcohol, i will get there but i just don't want to do anything impulsive and end up a cripple. I am very isolated, and just do nothing most days. I would rather just not be here.

 

[jodes2]

Im around the same age as you in the UK and feel the same. I would love to get n or sn but it seems impossible.
I'm planning on the night night route this weekend but not sure it's going to work I really would prefer an easy method that I can just drink.

Pm me for an SN source if you need it

 

[gimzero]

Same boat ten years older its like death is program to each of us with no escape.

 

[chris121]

Pm me for an SN source if you need it

Thanks will do once I get my 20 messages in

 

[mjlondon88]

I am 48, and also in the UK. I have tried with life and had some good times, but usually it's been awful. Chronic severe depression, PTSD, chronic fatigue, and i have attempted on multiple occasions. Some would call me lucky, i nearly succeeded with suspension hanging, but wet myself after i blacked out and woke up. Also visited ITU on two ocassions, at times i have felt glad that i failed, but not for many, many years now. Last year i sold most of my belongings, and booked into a hotel in Eastbourne, and planned to jump off at the Beachy Head cliffs. I could not get past my SI, despite drugs and alcohol, i will get there but i just don't want to do anything impulsive and end up a cripple. I am very isolated, and just do nothing most days. I would rather just not be here.

Is SI bad? I think about jumping from a height sometimes. I worry so much all the time and the anxiety cripples me. Is there anything that takes anxiety away?

 

[AnonymousS]

Is SI bad? I think about jumping from a height sometimes. I worry so much all the time and the anxiety cripples me. Is there anything that takes anxiety away?

I can only speak for myself, the fact that i left my flat, threw away the keys. Sold a lot of good quality photographic equipment, i had no doubt i was going over that cliff edge. I knew exactly where you need to be for it to succeed, yet the primeval fear of the height would not let me go. I would have paid someone to push me, every time i went up i took a backpack with brandy in it. Twice i had some and sedatives on top. I was extremely close to the edge, but i just couldn't do it. It was beyond frustrating, it would have been better if i had gone. 7/8 seconds of terror maybe, then it's all over. I didn't get second thoughts at all, i wanted over the edge, but evolution has programmed the brain in very powerful ways. Some people are not that bothered by heights, i wish i wasn't because i chose that method specifically because i knew it could not fail.

 

[Smart No More]

I can only speak for myself, the fact that i left my flat, threw away the keys. Sold a lot of good quality photographic equipment, i had no doubt i was going over that cliff edge. I knew exactly where you need to be for it to succeed, yet the primeval fear of the height would not let me go. I would have paid someone to push me, every time i went up i took a backpack with brandy in it. Twice i had some and sedatives on top. I was extremely close to the edge, but i just couldn't do it. It was beyond frustrating, it would have been better if i had gone. 7/8 seconds of terror maybe, then it's all over. I didn't get second thoughts at all, i wanted over the edge, but evolution has programmed the brain in very powerful ways. Some people are not that bothered by heights, i wish i wasn't because i chose that method specifically because i knew it could not fail.

It's more the fear of suffering pain than the fear of death too, right? Makes it so frustrating!

 

[LostOne]

I am in the UK and in my mid 40's, i tried to kill myself 10 years ago by trying to jump in front of train but failed as something stopped me from that final jump, the blaring of the train horn or something. I am now 10 years later and considering N to end it all, I have no-one to care about, no one cares about me, what do others in this situation do? are there any other mid-40s people considering to end it all? I have the D so can find some I hope.

I hope all the others in this situation find peace as well. This world is a horrid place, I was hoping we would have an end of world event by now!

I was thinking the world was coming to an end too….no such luck….

 

[mjlondon88]

Do you ever wonder why our minds are so broken. Well mine is I guess. Can't there be a pill that just makes you happy and not care.

 

[AnonymousS]

It's more the fear of suffering pain than the fear of death too, right? Makes it so frustrating!

Yes exactly-sorry for the late reply. I have absolutely no fear of death at all, i think once you cross that threshold and attempt suicide, you may regret it, you may not. However for me the fear of dying just evaporated years ago, i just don't want any psychological or physical suffering, and i believe nobody deserves to suffer just because they cannot cope with their circumstances anymore.

Do you ever wonder why our minds are so broken. Well mine is I guess. Can't there be a pill that just makes you happy and not care.

I think for most of us it's many things, not just one factor. Everyone is different of course, but throughout hospital admissions meeting people, chatting to people on here, and reading their stories, i think things build up to a point where particularly if you are socially isolated, and do not have practical real support, things can fall apart.

 

[Hollowman]

Do you ever wonder why our minds are so broken. Well mine is I guess. Can't there be a pill that just makes you happy and not care.

Unfortunately there's not a pill for everything, psychiatrists think there is though.