NSFW Meta question on subject matter

[thirdtimesthecharmg]

I could be bold and just post but I figured I ought to ask and get a sense of the mood / general opinion first. No point in talking if it's the wrong place.

But there are still two aspects I don't think I have talked about with anyone else yet. One I can speak to the therapist about. He'll figure I'm crazy, but then, so I am.

But the other, I don't want to admit to in that setting. And I haven't been sure the place.

But given the understanding and wise reception to my initial thread ( https://sanctionedsuicide.site/thre...yself-wish-i-hadnt-thrown-away-the-sn.168950/ tldr: I raped my wife and deserve to die, but not easily), I thought this might be a good place to discuss some thoughts I have been having lately, regarding appropriate punishments for what I have done.

The execution method of Edward II is along the lines of my thoughts, but my mind is fixated on something slightly different.

I don't feel it would be appropriate to describe in detail to a therapist or in court, as it just feels to me like a creep talking about his fetishes at that point, but I have thought the torture would be fitting for me before my death.

Anyhow, I would like to be able to describe it somewhere to someone, and hopefully that will help develop my courage to seek the assistance I will need to have it done to me, because I know I would certainly try to back out of this, so I am going to have to help. Fortunately I think I know a couple places to look, at least.

Let me know if I should go tell it to a tree instead or make a post here about it or something else.

Still planning on going back next week to confess to police and seek prison. (A few states away currently recovering from failed attempt; final visit to family and back essentially.)

 

[Agon321]

Sorry, I don't know if I understood correctly.

Do you want someone to help torture you?
Because I understand you want to be tortured before you die?

If so, this is not the right place.
I don't think you'll find adequate help here.
No one here will guarantee you torture.
No one will help you prepare anything like this either.

I haven't read your earlier thread, so it's hard for me to say more.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

If you want help you will only be able to get that from people with the proper education and experience to help people who have done what you are claiming you have done.

Go seek that help if that help is what you feel you need.

No one can torture us more than we already torture ourselves when we do unspeakable things. But I don't think there's anything such as evil or anyone who is too this or that to get help and redeem themselves. That's just too convenient in my opinion.

Good luck with whatever you end up doing.

 

[dolemitedrums]

If you are planning on suicide, your death by any means, even peaceful means, should be punishment enough. There is no need to subject yourself to torture on top of it. What you did was terrible...but you are already sentencing yourself to more than any first world court would. If you decide to stick around in life...well maybe confession is the way to go, I don't know. I haven't been in this kind of a position. But if you are suicidal, and unsure enough about it that you threw away your SN, perhaps now isn't the time to add criminal records, prison and torture to your portfolio of problems. Up to you. But if you do plan to die...go a little easier on yourself with it than what you seem to be contemplating.

 

[thirdtimesthecharmg]

Sorry, I don't know if I understood correctly.

Do you want someone to help torture you?
Because I understand you want to be tortured before you die?

If so, this is not the right place.
I don't think you'll find adequate help here.
No one here will guarantee you torture.
No one will help you prepare anything like this either.

I haven't read your earlier thread, so it's hard for me to say more.

No, I'm sorry for being unclear.

I have self-harm ideas which I would like to be able to discuss here. I am not looking for anything other than discussion about my thoughts but it's something I feel uncomfortable talking about anywhere else, except one.

If you want help you will only be able to get that from people with the proper education and experience to help people who have done what you are claiming you have done.

Go seek that help if that help is what you feel you need.

No one can torture us more than we already torture ourselves when we do unspeakable things. But I don't think there's anything such as evil or anyone who is too this or that to get help and redeem themselves. That's just too convenient in my opinion.

Good luck with whatever you end up doing.

I appreciate it; thanks.

I don't believe in irredeemable for anyone other than myself, but I hate myself for what I did and can never undo it.

As far as I'm concerned, when people refer to the "you must still be here for a reason", it's to suffer for what I've done, because I didn't have the courage to accept any of the other options.

If you are planning on suicide, your death by any means, even peaceful means, should be punishment enough. There is no need to subject yourself to torture on top of it. What you did was terrible...but you are already sentencing yourself to more than any first world court would. If you decide to stick around in life...well maybe confession is the way to go, I don't know. I haven't been in this kind of a position. But if you are suicidal, and unsure enough about it that you threw away your SN, perhaps now isn't the time to add criminal records, prison and torture to your portfolio of problems. Up to you. But if you do plan to die...go a little easier on yourself with it than what you seem to be contemplating.

That's kind of you, thanks.

 

[Agon321]

No, I'm sorry for being unclear.

I have self-harm ideas which I would like to be able to discuss here. I am not looking for anything other than discussion about my thoughts but it's something I feel uncomfortable talking about anywhere else, except one.


I appreciate it; thanks.

I don't believe in irredeemable for anyone other than myself, but I hate myself for what I did and can never undo it.

As far as I'm concerned, when people refer to the "you must still be here for a reason", it's to suffer for what I've done, because I didn't have the courage to accept any of the other options.


That's kind of you, thanks.

This changes the situation a bit.

People on this site talk about self-harm.

If you want to talk about such topics, it's probably not a big problem (I could be wrong).
Much also depends on the context.
We shouldn't kid ourselves, your context is "a little" controversial.

Maybe a moderator can clear up any doubts.

Of course, I don't encourage anything.
I am also not a supporter of self-harm.
I just don't see the point in it, but I understand why other people do it.

 

[Linda]

I could be bold and just post but I figured I ought to ask and get a sense of the mood / general opinion first. No point in talking if it's the wrong place.

But there are still two aspects I don't think I have talked about with anyone else yet. One I can speak to the therapist about. He'll figure I'm crazy, but then, so I am.

But the other, I don't want to admit to in that setting. And I haven't been sure the place.

But given the understanding and wise reception to my initial thread ( https://sanctionedsuicide.site/thre...yself-wish-i-hadnt-thrown-away-the-sn.168950/ tldr: I raped my wife and deserve to die, but not easily), I thought this might be a good place to discuss some thoughts I have been having lately, regarding appropriate punishments for what I have done.

The execution method of Edward II is along the lines of my thoughts, but my mind is fixated on something slightly different.

I don't feel it would be appropriate to describe in detail to a therapist or in court, as it just feels to me like a creep talking about his fetishes at that point, but I have thought the torture would be fitting for me before my death.

Anyhow, I would like to be able to describe it somewhere to someone, and hopefully that will help develop my courage to seek the assistance I will need to have it done to me, because I know I would certainly try to back out of this, so I am going to have to help. Fortunately I think I know a couple places to look, at least.

Let me know if I should go tell it to a tree instead or make a post here about it or something else.

Still planning on going back next week to confess to police and seek prison. (A few states away currently recovering from failed attempt; final visit to family and back essentially.)

"Still planning on going back next week to confess to police and seek prison." I don't see the point of that, and I would advise you against it. It would be surrendering control over your life to people who do not have your best interests at heart. I think it would be much better to move on with your life and try to do things for other people. Bring some good into the world. If you bring enough good into the world you can more than offset any harm you may have done. You will feel better too.
Nobody gets through life without messing things up a few times. Sometimes we mess up badly. Stop beating yourself up over it.

 

[Ash]

Nobody gets through life without messing things up a few times. Sometimes we mess up badly. Stop beating yourself up over it.

Linda, you normally talk a lot of sense but you've lost me this time. Stealing a car, getting into a pub fight, speeding, drug dealing... They're messing up. This is way, way over that line - and I'm sure you must know how many people use this site who have been through all kinds of sexual violence.

OP, I don't mean to hijack your thread but now I've established I'm not going to vomit, next time please use trigger warning (TW: SA) so people who have been through sexual abuse and violence don't read the words "I raped my wife" out of blue.

 

[Linda]

Linda, you normally talk a lot of sense but you've lost me this time. Stealing a car, getting into a pub fight, speeding, drug dealing... They're messing up. This is way, way over that line - and I'm sure you must know how many people use this site who have been through all kinds of sexual violence.

OP, I don't mean to hijack your thread but now I've established I'm not going to vomit, next time please use trigger warning (TW: SA) so people who have been through sexual abuse and violence don't read the words "I raped my wife" out of blue.

Thanks for the feedback. Perhaps it would have been better if I had PM'd him, to avoid triggering some people, but I was focused on thinking what to write to him. (I can't think about everything at once.) I'll bear your feedback in mind if I come across similar posts in future, and use a PM.
What do you suggest that OP does? What has happened has happened. It can't be changed. All that can be influenced is the future. Just considering this from his point of view (which is what I was doing), is it better now that he destroys his life or that he brings some good into the world?

 

[thirdtimesthecharmg]

Linda, you normally talk a lot of sense but you've lost me this time. Stealing a car, getting into a pub fight, speeding, drug dealing... They're messing up. This is way, way over that line - and I'm sure you must know how many people use this site who have been through all kinds of sexual violence.

OP, I don't mean to hijack your thread but now I've established I'm not going to vomit, next time please use trigger warning (TW: SA) so people who have been through sexual abuse and violence don't read the words "I raped my wife" out of blue.

I'm very sorry; thank you for that, I should have thought of it. I don't think I can alter title of existing thread but will remember for any future ones.

I entirely agree on the reaction. It's why I should have had the courage to actually kill myself already and instead keep thinking about how to torture myself because there's nothing in the world as awful as what I've done.