Venting Menhera overload

[menherachan]

its me again. ive been gone i thought my life would get better but god i was wrong. i lost my left eye permanently and now have to wear an eyepatch everywhere so it doesnt leak blood and fluid everywhere. its fucking disgusting and everyone calls me disgusting. i also got a job but as soon as i got it everyone oif my co workers started to hate me because i would occasionally fuck up something on accident. i know they hate me because they've said it straight to my fucking face. i also just cut every single day now in every place on my body. i tried to kill myself with topiramate but it didnt work and i was fucking pissed because i took three fucking bottles but my research was wrong. my world is gone. everything is made of flesh and body parts.. when i go to the freezer at my work place to prepare food i see my family on meat hooks being eaten alive by creatures and they scream for help but i just have to leave and shut the door in their face while i can still hear them throughout the day...
there is no earth anymore its just the city of intestinal tract.
in a month when my family is going away i am going to try the decapitation method in the deepest part of the woods because ive tried everything except this and the SN method. either i get caught or it just doesnt work or i get afraid.
im not afraid anymore. i dont care im just fjucking pissed i didnt die the last tme

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

You went through a lot and receive uncalled hate towards you. I'm so sorry about that, but there is one thing I disagree there, I would not call you disgusting, your eye condition is one that is there, and is out of your control now. To judge someone by something that is out of their reach is wrong.

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. The nick "Menhera" makes sense, but yours is just a sadder version of the history.

Best of luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much and are going through this. Some people are just so cruel. I can imagine it must be frustrating to have to experience the failed attempts. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[menherachan]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much and are going through this. Some people are just so cruel. I can imagine it must be frustrating to have to experience the failed attempts. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

thank you very much..

You went through a lot and receive uncalled hate towards you. I'm so sorry about that, but there is one thing I disagree there, I would not call you disgusting, your eye condition is one that is there, and is out of your control now. To judge someone by something that is out of their reach is wrong.

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. The nick "Menhera" makes sense, but yours is just a sadder version of the history.

Best of luck.

thank you for your words,,

 

[fox_wannabe]

I am sorry for the way you are being treated. Nobody deserves to be called like that. I hope you find other way of coping because cutting only will make things worse and it just temporarily stops pain.

go to the freezer at my work place to prepare food i see my family on meat hooks being eaten alive by creatures and they scream for help but i just have to leave and shut the door in their face while i can still hear them throughout the day...
there is no earth anymore its just the city of intestinal tract.

I am sorry. It does not sound right, I mean things like that does not happen.

Also.. decapitation in a woods? I think sn would be much better It is much more peaceful. I am just preventing unnecessary tragedy.

 

[menherachan]

I am sorry for the way you are being treated. Nobody deserves to be called like that. I hope you find other way of coping because cutting only will make things worse and it just temporarily stops pain.


I am sorry. It does not sound right, I mean things like that does not happen.

Also.. decapitation in a woods? I think sn would be much better It is much more peaceful. I am just preventing unnecessary tragedy.

i have no access to it. my amazon is monitored now by my parents because of the last time i triwd.. im going to the deepest place in the woods where no one will see this happen or hear it happen. my area is covered with woods so im pretty sure ill be fine.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Just reinforces my view that (most) people are selfish as fuck and even (most) acts of generosity come with an ulterior motive. Like a beautifully decorated and frosted cake that looks so delicious, you just lean down and take a HUGE bite right out of it and then you realize the cake is made from literal human shit. People are awful (mostly).

As for your chosen method, my advice is to plan your ctb when you feel calm and rational. Thinking about it ONLY in a state of rage will have immense repercussions that will make things even worse for you. Please, be more careful and easy on yourself. And I do happen to know what I am talking about. Have had many times where I wanted to ctb in the most violent way possible. Always stop myself because I know that's inviting a risk that not even my apathetic ass wants.

 

[menherachan]

Just reinforces my view that (most) people are selfish as fuck and even (most) acts of generosity come with an ulterior motive. Like a beautifully decorated and frosted cake that looks so delicious, you just lean down and take a HUGE bite right out of it and then you realize the cake is made from literal human shit. People are awful (mostly).

As for your chosen method, my advice is to plan your ctb when you feel calm and rational. Thinking about it ONLY in a state of rage will have immense repercussions that will make things even worse for you. Please, be more careful and easy on yourself. And I do happen to know what I am talking about. Have had many times where I wanted to ctb in the most violent way possible. Always stop myself because I know that's inviting a risk that even my apathetic ass wants.

im sorry, i am selfish. but i literally have no where else to go in this situation. if you knew me you would understand.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

im sorry, i am selfish. but i literally have no where else to go in this situation. if you knew me you would understand.

No, no, I didn't mean YOU are selfish, I meant the people who treat you like shit are selfish. I am so sorry if I offended you

 

[menherachan]

no, i am selfish. i want to die because of dumb reasons. but at the same time i have literally nothing to loose. no family or friends. my co workers would probakbly throw a party when i die, yet i still feel extremely selfish.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

no, i am selfish. i want to die because of dumb reasons. but at the same time i have literally nothing to loose. no family or friends. my co workers would probakbly throw a party when i die, yet i still feel extremely selfish.

I would not be so sure that is because of "dumb reasons". To come to this point there are reasons and from what you say, you suffered a lot and have a not-so-nice group of people around you; so please don't be so hard on yourself. Is sad that it came this way, but a lot of things are out of our control and damage us, being able of "feeling" and taking "damage" does not make anyone dumb.

Take care.