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TooConscious

Enlightened
Sep 16, 2020
1,152
If this happened from childhood? Birth defect? An injury, cancer.
Definitely interested to hear experiences or even thoughtful thoughts on the issue. For years from my youth to mid twenties I had severe hormone problems producing much less testosterone than average men. Causing a variety of symptoms that meant I had no self esteem and a self defeating personality quickly developed.

I spoke to my therapist and am trying to explain to him that when I finally accepted my testicles were 1/4 the size of a male.
There's no word for the hopelessness.
I see it now for what it is, the government felt I would be a man of integrity to stand up and fight their sick sadistic corruption. So they destroyed my masculine energy centre.

My therapist can't seem to understand why this I use as the ultimate explanation for everything wrong.with my life and why I don't have any enthusiasm to clean toilets.for a living when I do feel entitled to disability. Or at least a mid level sick rate welfare so I can have accommodation and enough to eat/survive.
I'm.not.asking for holidays and the best food, and all the indulgences other people enjoy.
I have no responsibility - no kids.
Not to mention I did far too much for ungrateful family who also laughed at my misery.

You could say I have a responsibility to fend for myself but when so many other people are so much money in benefits when there's nothing wrong with them at all they just know the right people who can help them with the forms and assessments yet people like me who it's genuinely a case of life or death get pushed aside I just don't understand why some people cannot see...

Where is the hope. If you're a man and can't produce testosterone..that's pretty significant.
For years I couldn't even get hormone replacement therapy.

Bodybuilders go in crying to their doctor and get prescribed stuff to maintain their testicle size.

I was left to rot and turned to addiction and really fucked myself up.
Its just sick in the UK now where scroungers and it's now's so common some immigrants who are that way inclined come and get everything and more in their hand straight away where British and the nice people who don't want to cause offence and are placid are pushed to he back.
It's as if you can only survive in this world.... Or live a life with a reasonable suffering to joy ratio by being a psychopath.
 
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