Venting Medicating myself to sleep

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I feel so horrible right now. It's the first time I'm ever medicating myself so as to be able to fall sleep. The hydroxyzine has yet to set in (takes about an hour, or so I heard), and I fear it might not work. I visited a GP this morning out of sheer desperation, as the heart palpitations were driving me insane. I can't calm down at all, so attempts at meditation have been futile. It's been a week since I had a good night's rest and I feel like a zombie. Everyone on the Internet has suggested exercise, but when I'm in such a low mood I don't have the drive to do anything at all. Trying to turn to family has proven trying, and relationships have been deteriorating over the past year. I'd be much better off talking to a brick wall than being gaslit all the time and told I'm "overthinking things".

I dread having to depend on drugs just to be able to get a good night's rest, provided this one works in the first place. I feel utterly helpless, and hopeless. I'm seriously considering ending my life if it gets to that point. I don't see why it would be worthwhile sticking it to the end when I already have a host of other issues to worry about.

I don't know what to do anymore...

 

[befree]

Were there any examinations to determine the cause of the heart palpitations and insomnia ? Was the pineal gland examined? Have you tried melatonin?
Have you seen a catdiologist or endocrinologist ?

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

UPDATE:

Thank you for your kind suggestions, @befree. My EKG turned out fine, and neither did I have an overactive thyroid, as I found out the next day. The hydroxyzine had no effect at all, and I was up all night feeling like I was going to lose my mind.

Being dissatisfied with the outcome, I went to see another doctor yesterday to get a second opinion. The Dr took me more seriously than the previous one, who did not even try to check my chest with her stethoscope and seemed to just want to get things over and done with. In addition to the usual complaints, I confessed to having thoughts of ending my life—this is the very first time I've ever told anyone IRL about my suicidal thoughts. I also told her that, out of desperation, I had self-medicated on a few occasions with muscle relaxants and propranolol (that I had purchased online for the purpose of CTB). To my relief, she was understanding, changed my medications, referred me to a cardiologist, and got me to book an appointment with a psychologist. She also asked if I had a strong support support system, and if I knew what to do if I got the urge to hurt myself, to which I replied yes.

I visited an acupuncturist later in the day. The Chinese physician I went to had four students with him, one of them which was very perceptive, where he asked if I am sensitive to loud noises. After the session I felt relaxed and even dozed off on my ride back home. When I got back I took the prescribed herbal formulas was finally able to get a good night's rest.

 

[befree]

I´m happy to read this. It's good that you were able to sleep with the herbal remedy.
Acupuncture is also a very good treatment method.
I would be happy to read another, hopefully positive update

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Thank you for your kind words, @befree.

The palpitations came back yesterday, unfortunately. I did take 40mg of propranolol before I went to bed last night as it is said to help with anxiety and palpitations, and is used to treat hypertension (I have renal hypertension as a result of lupus nephritis). My palpitations did become less severe, but didn't go away completely, so I still ended up not getting any sleep.

Miraculously, today the palpitations have gone away today, so I'm feeling much better

 

[befree]

Have you tried melatonin? I still think it would be a good idea to see a endocrinologist.

 

[enough of this]

I feel so horrible right now. It's the first time I'm ever medicating myself so as to be able to fall sleep. The hydroxyzine has yet to set in (takes about an hour, or so I heard), and I fear it might not work. I visited a GP this morning out of sheer desperation, as the heart palpitations were driving me insane. I can't calm down at all, so attempts at meditation have been futile. It's been a week since I had a good night's rest and I feel like a zombie. Everyone on the Internet has suggested exercise, but when I'm in such a low mood I don't have the drive to do anything at all. Trying to turn to family has proven trying, and relationships have been deteriorating over the past year. I'd be much better off talking to a brick wall than being gaslit all the time and told I'm "overthinking things".

I dread having to depend on drugs just to be able to get a good night's rest, provided this one works in the first place. I feel utterly helpless, and hopeless. I'm seriously considering ending my life if it gets to that point. I don't see why it would be worthwhile sticking it to the end when I already have a host of other issues to worry about.

I don't know what to do anymore...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there many times, myself. I'm there tonight again. I hope we can both find the best relief, and soon.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Have you tried melatonin? I still think it would be a good idea to see a endocrinologist.

I haven't. I was always under the assumption that you need a prescription for it. Thank you for your suggestions, I'll keep them in mind the next time round

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there many times, myself. I'm there tonight again. I hope we can both find the best relief, and soon.

I'm sorry for you, too. Insomnia is indeed a special kind of torture. I wish that things get better for you, and that you can get a good night's sleep soon.

 

[befree]

I haven't. I was always under the assumption that you need a prescription for it. Thank you for your suggestions, I'll keep them in mind the next time round

In your case I would take 6 mg of Melatonin 30 minutes before bedtime.

 

[dm1444]

I have trouble sleeping, too. Insomnia from terrible anxiety, depression. My diagnosis is bipolar disorder. I take Seroquel 50 mg at night. Knocks me out good

 

[Departme]

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles, unfortunately when experiencing these episodes they tend to grip hold of you and almost feel like your trapped and they will never leave, I have felt similar a while ago and it was a terrifying time. I did find a solution in something called tryptophan which is a otc type supplement. I took 2 x 509mg at 9-10pm and it worked a treat and I could sleep again, you can take a higher dose if needed but that was good for me (male 14st) - also lemon balm tincture (one called Melisa) an Italian brand id helpful for anxiety and to calm nerves. As suggested melatonin can help too, I also tried that years ago when going through a patch of insomnia but I was surprised by how good the tryptophan worked most recently. I hope you find a solution and some peace, then a new cycle can begin for you without this duress.

 

[befree]

tryptophan

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2908021/

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

@befree, @dm1444 and @Departme, thank you all for your suggestions. Fortunately melatonin and L-tryptophan/5-HTP can be bought OTC so I'll take them into consideration the next time I experience symptoms. Unfortunately you will need a prescription for Seroquel/Quetiapine.

unfortunately when experiencing these episodes they tend to grip hold of you and almost feel like your trapped and they will never leave, I have felt similar a while ago and it was a terrifying time.

It's exactly as you said, Departme. While I believe there is truth to the saying "This too shall pass", when you feel overwhelmed it can seem like the pain will never end, and that there's no point to life.

 

[befree]

I would not mix Melatonin and L-Tryptophan. You should also talk to your chinese physician before you take any other substances to avoid possible interactions.

 

[Departme]

@befree, @dm1444 and @Departme, thank you all for your suggestions. Fortunately melatonin and L-tryptophan/5-HTP can be bought OTC so I'll take them into consideration the next time I experience symptoms. Unfortunately you will need a prescription for Seroquel/Quetiapine.


It's exactly as you said, Departme. While I believe there is truth to the saying "This too shall pass", when you feel overwhelmed it can seem like the pain will never end, and that there's no point to life.

How are you fairing friend, I hope you have had some success with the alternatives suggested.

 

[eashanm]

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles, unfortunately when experiencing these episodes they tend to grip hold of you and almost feel like your trapped and they will never leave, I have felt similar a while ago and it was a terrifying time. I did find a solution in something called tryptophan which is a otc type supplement. I took 2 x 509mg at 9-10pm and it worked a treat and I could sleep again, you can take a higher dose if needed but that was good for me (male 14st) - also lemon balm tincture (one called Melisa) an Italian brand id helpful for anxiety and to calm nerves. As suggested melatonin can help too, I also tried that years ago when going through a patch of insomnia but I was surprised by how good the tryptophan worked most recently. I hope you find a solution and some peace, then a new cycle can begin for you without this duress.

Do you have any idea of why Tryptophan helped you in sleep? Is it similar to Melotonin?

 

[befree]

Do you have any idea of why Tryptophan helped you in sleep? Is it similar to Melotonin?

Conversion of L-Tryptophan into Melatonin Is the Possible Action Pathway Involved in the Effect of L-Tryptophan on Antidepressant-Related Behavior in Female Rats: Analysis of the Influence of Treatment Duration

www.scirp.org

 

[Departme]

Do you have any idea of why Tryptophan helped you in sleep? Is it similar to Melotonin?

Sorry, I have no idea how they work perhaps the link from befree can explain I'll watch it.. I just noticed after taking Tryptophan for the first time I got to sleep very quickly and it helped me to stay asleep for longer which obviously was a big help to me at the time.

I did actually begin by trying to buy Melatonin again but for whatever reason I could not purchase it like years before (10mg melts) and all I could find was links to 5-HTP which by chance years earlier I had tried before Melatonin and it really supressed my appetite. This is when after further reading I came across Tryptophan and bought it easily on amazon (UK). After it arrived I gave it a go later in the evening as was suggested and I fell asleep within 20-30 minutes and also slept for longer which was a blessing truly as I was going out of my mind. I carried on using it for two weeks perhaps then one night I forgot to take them but I still fell asleep normally, so I thought try another night without them and again I slept fine, almost like once my brain was back into a sleep routine there was no need for Tryptophan any more.

 

[eashanm]

UPDATE:

Thank you for your kind suggestions, @befree. My EKG turned out fine, and neither did I have an overactive thyroid, as I found out the next day. The hydroxyzine had no effect at all, and I was up all night feeling like I was going to lose my mind.

Being dissatisfied with the outcome, I went to see another doctor yesterday to get a second opinion. The Dr took me more seriously than the previous one, who did not even try to check my chest with her stethoscope and seemed to just want to get things over and done with. In addition to the usual complaints, I confessed to having thoughts of ending my life—this is the very first time I've ever told anyone IRL about my suicidal thoughts. I also told her that, out of desperation, I had self-medicated on a few occasions with muscle relaxants and propranolol (that I had purchased online for the purpose of CTB). To my relief, she was understanding, changed my medications, referred me to a cardiologist, and got me to book an appointment with a psychologist. She also asked if I had a strong support support system, and if I knew what to do if I got the urge to hurt myself, to which I replied yes.

I visited an acupuncturist later in the day. The Chinese physician I went to had four students with him, one of them which was very perceptive, where he asked if I am sensitive to loud noises. After the session I felt relaxed and even dozed off on my ride back home. When I got back I took the prescribed herbal formulas was finally able to get a good night's rest.

Hello,

Did the Chinese medicine help you sleep?

 

[xBrialesana]

I just want to share my empathy and vent, I had a shitty doctor put me on Ambien (and Xanax and Adderall) at TWELVE.. (insane, I wish I could die for the hell it has made my life).. I'll disregard the other two for this conversation, but he even upped my dosage to 2 a night (very unheard of for that med, and stupid) just a couple years later.. I just turned 29 and am still struggling with the benzo and the ambien.. being reliant on a sleep med is horrible and I just empathize dearly. I've done every therapy treatment ect COUNTLESS other meds.. weed is the only thing that helps otherwise. My doctor dipped so I've been seeing a telehealth that cut my meds and will only give 18 ambien.. I'm miserable. Insomnia is a bitch and I hope hope hope you find peace. Drug dependency for a legitimate medical reason is so frustrating and isolating.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

How are you fairing friend, I hope you have had some success with the alternatives suggested.

Thank you for checking up on me @Departme. That's very nice of you

Miraculously, the palpitations went away on its on, so as of now, my sleep cycle is back to normal.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I just want to share my empathy and vent, I had a shitty doctor put me on Ambien (and Xanax and Adderall) at TWELVE.. (insane, I wish I could die for the hell it has made my life).. I'll disregard the other two for this conversation, but he even upped my dosage to 2 a night (very unheard of for that med, and stupid) just a couple years later.. I just turned 29 and am still struggling with the benzo and the ambien.. being reliant on a sleep med is horrible and I just empathize dearly. I've done every therapy treatment ect COUNTLESS other meds.. weed is the only thing that helps otherwise. My doctor dipped so I've been seeing a telehealth that cut my meds and will only give 18 ambien.. I'm miserable. Insomnia is a bitch and I hope hope hope you find peace. Drug dependency for a legitimate medical reason is so frustrating and isolating.

I'm sorry. That sounds terrible. I have lupus nephritis myself, and I'm on a whole host of medications that I have to take in the long-term. I feel for you. I really do. I'm not even 30 and I'm already a walking medicine cabinet. I dread to think of the side effects that might kick in only after many years down the road. Just because it hasn't happened, doesn't mean it won't. The tapering process is slow, but I'm making progress. I hope you'll be able to be medication-free someday, and I wish you all the best.