Judah

Judah

Enlightened
Oct 1, 2020
1,540
Right now I'm drunk, and at this point I realize that I'm the biggest problem, I deserve to be eliminated, maybe I'm a danger to society or something, I don't know, I don't really care either, but here we are

My mental stability is a joke, a joke in bad taste that must one day end with my death, am I God's jester? maybe, I don't know, the point is that I'm not interested either,

I hate myself, I hate every little part of me, I hate everything about me, everything I touch I destroy, I can never find stability, don't relate to me, I'm just a problem magnet, I attract all kinds of problems so absurd because my mental stability sucks, admin suggested that my brain was dead, that's right, it is, i've lost all common sense, i want to end this, why? because I have realized that, autism is not my only problem, I have also developed other mental problems, problems that I have ignored and that are now there, and now, my mind is a prison, a damn prison, which has made a radical change in my life, I need help but I don't know who to ask, I need a hug but I don't know who to ask. Life is cruel, this life is cruel, I'm sorry I ruined so many things, I've even ruined some friendships I've made in SS, I'm disgusting, I'm someone despicable who deserves to be thrown in the trash, I don't want to live
 
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W

waitingforrest

Elementalist
Dec 27, 2021
842
Only if there was a way to take a break from ourselves, to just escape, we can run from so many problems, but never ourselves.

It would be so nice to not be me, to not be stuck with the person I hate most, myself. Life is f**ked up, life gives hate, people give hate, and even ourselves. It's like everything in this world wants to make ctb more and more appealing.

Self hate is so much harder to live with when some criticisms have have some truth to them. Comforting and positive words can be hard to believe, it is hard to believe that people can say nice things and genuinely mean it in the first place.

I wish I can help, but I am in the same boat. I wish I could give you a hug and not just a virtual one.
 
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Q

QuietLake

Member
May 11, 2022
17
I'm really sorry you're going through that.

Life and relationships can be so complicated and hard to navigate. There are many pitfalls, miscommunications, and hurt feelings. Life can seem like a minefield and it's easy to get lost. I'm a complete failure at these things.

I have a small collection of mental illnesses. I really hear you on feeling like your mind is a prison. That's a great way to describe it. I wish you the best.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
37,160
Living really is so painful as our thoughts can torture us, and I can imagine that it must be unbearable what you are going through. I wish you relief from suffering.
 
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Reactions: QuietLake

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