Me and this other girl are being harassed, and she blames me for it. Can't return to work, have to kill myself in the next 2 weeks

[SHThrowAway213]

So someone posted a fake dating profile, and put pictures of both me and this other girl, E on it.
E's mum found it, and immediately sent me a long harassing message about it, and my husband.
E's mum wouldnt listen to me, so I blocked her.
Then E got her friend to message me, I blocked her.
I tried to message E, but she wouldn't listen to me either so I blocked her too.
But it's obvious they think I did it and are blaming me.
E then got D who's also from work to message me about it.
I didn't even open up D's message, I just deleted it.
I have to return to work in the next couple of weeks.
I can't face them. I know I am going to be harassed about it, and E is already spreading it about.
This is the straw that broke the camels back.

 

[autumnal]

So someone posted a fake dating profile, and put pictures of both me and this other girl, E on it.
E's mum found it, and immediately sent me a long harassing message about it, and my husband.
E's mum wouldnt listen to me, so I blocked her.
Then E got her friend to message me, I blocked her.
I tried to message E, but she wouldn't listen to me either so I blocked her too.
But it's obvious they think I did it and are blaming me.
E then got D who's also from work to message me about it.
I didn't even open up D's message, I just deleted it.
I have to return to work in the next couple of weeks.
I can't face them. I know I am going to be harassed about it, and E is already spreading it about.
This is the straw that broke the camels back.

While everyone assigns different importance to different factors in their life, to me personally this sounds like the kind of petty gossipy bullshit that will probably just die down if you don't react to it further, and will simmer on indefinitely if you do.

You are clearly better than all of these people, but the only way you win is by not playing their game in the first place.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

While everyone assigns different importance to different factors in their life, to me personally this sounds like the kind of petty gossipy bullshit that will probably just die down if you don't react to it further, and will simmer on indefinitely if you do.

You are clearly better than all of these people, but the only way you win is by not playing their game in the first place.

I get what you mean, I'm not well-liked around work anyway, but I'm afraid this will lead to bullying, which I can not handle again

 

[autumnal]

I get what you mean, I'm not well-liked around work anyway, but I'm afraid this will lead to bullying, which I can not handle again

While not knowing all of the specifics, my guess is it will only lead to bullying if you let them see its gets a reaction out of you.

 

[Red]

It's hard to "just ignore them" like people tend to say, as people around you have the capability to make your life shit. They pull you in and demand your emotional investment! Yet ultimately it's the best advice and the key is to detach and refuse to be drawn in! If you're not responsible, take a haughty stance and refuse to be made a scapegoat... They are spouting bullshit, behaving like children - do not engage! Set up your work so that you do not have to rely on them for anything and if it still makes your work life difficult, raise the issue with a senior in a calm way, like it's a tiresome nuisance rather than a drama. Be the adult in this situation and please don't let schoolyard bitchiness ruin your life and make you want Jack it in!!
Hate shit like this, stupid people should know better and stop projecting their own failings onto other people, it happens all the time n people don't even realise they're doing it - they're just trying to absolve themselves of responsibility.
My inbox is always open if you need support x

 

[D11FER]

I was involved in something similar where a friend of mine decided she had feelings for me that weren't reciprocated and because I didn't feel the same she created a profile on a swingers site with a photo of me posted on it and then generated fake texts between me and her and screen shot them and sent to my wife hence I lost my soul mate of 28 years and now I'm completely lost

 

[rhiino]

@SHThrowAway213
That is a difficult situation. What advice are you seeking for? I ignored bullys my whole life, it did not help and still broke me.

I was involved in something similar where a friend of mine decided she had feelings for me that weren't reciprocated and because I didn't feel the same she created a profile on a swingers site with a photo of me posted on it and then generated fake texts between me and her and screen shot them and sent to my wife hence I lost my soul mate of 28 years and now I'm completely lost

Omg is this cruel. Are you planning to ctb?

 

[D11FER]

@SHThrowAway213
That is a difficult situation. What advice are you seeking for? I ignored bullys my whole life, it did not help and still broke me.

Omg is this cruel. Are you planning to ctb?

Yes been planning and arranging for a while now. Awaiting delivery of SN and go from there. It is all consuming and the only way to stop the pain of a broken heart is to stop that heart from ever working again

 

[mittensxx]

I'm so sorry someone put your through this. Honestly. I used to love my workplace and everyone there but once I told a few people about feeling depressed&suicidal everything went downhill.
I won't go into too much detail but co-workers started spreading false rumours about me and I ended up getting fired and trying to CTB. so yeah I definitely get where you're coming from - not being able to go back to work or talk to any of those people.
Best advice I could give you is find a new job. Obviously in the current state of the world that might not be so easy to do (and if you can't afford to be unemployed then don't do it) but there are other jobs out there that are similar to what you were doing before.
And don't get me wrong, I understand why you want to CTB, it's one of my main reasons as well, I just want you to give life one more chance if you can. If not, PM me and I would love to talk to someone going thought a similar experience

 

[autumnal]

So someone posted a fake dating profile, and put pictures of both me and this other girl, E on it.
E's mum found it, and immediately sent me a long harassing message about it, and my husband.
E's mum wouldnt listen to me, so I blocked her.
Then E got her friend to message me, I blocked her.
I tried to message E, but she wouldn't listen to me either so I blocked her too.
But it's obvious they think I did it and are blaming me.
E then got D who's also from work to message me about it.
I didn't even open up D's message, I just deleted it.
I have to return to work in the next couple of weeks.
I can't face them. I know I am going to be harassed about it, and E is already spreading it about.
This is the straw that broke the camels back.

Forgot to ask, have you reported the fake dating profile to get it removed? And for them possibly to ban the user who posted it?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Forgot to ask, have you reported the fake dating profile to get it removed? And for them possibly to ban the user who posted it?

I dont know how to

 

[autumnal]

I dont know how to

The website should have a 'Contact us' option somewhere fairly visible. Most dating websites are probably very quick to investigate forged profiles, because of the legal liability involved.

Would also suggest you take screenshots showing all parts of the profile and keep them yourself just in case you need them down the track for any reason.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

In my personal experience of situations like in the OP, I've found it's best to just sit back and let things play out. If I've done nothing wrong, there is nothing to defend, so I completely disengage, refuse to discuss it, and go on about my business. I won't even discuss it with people who are supposedly on my side, I just say, "I've already said my peace. I'm not involved with this."

It may take a lot of patience, but I've learned that the truth will come out on its own without my having to do anything. At some point, someone will slip up and either reveal themselves or be revealed. They'll fuck themselves up on their own. They may have tried to drag me into the scenario as with what happened with you, and make me seem a part of it, but it's truly nothing to do with me. It's just a photo and a profile, it is not me. It may be a false representation, but I stand tall and represent myself outside of the situation. The situation is not me.

People will notice when one remains confident in themselves and utterly disengaged. They'll talk about that, too. Folks may even step up and defend the target without the target asking them to or engaging at all. Even if someone says to me, "I'm in your side," I say, "That's kind, but I am not involved in this. I don't wish to discuss it." Usually they're caught up in the energy of the drama and want to participate, and they can just as easily turn on me later. They're not they're for me, they're in it for them.

Take what you want from this and discard what you don't, but if you have the patience and know that what was done and said is false, this approach works. People will come around without you having to do a thing. You will gain respect, and the other person will look shit. And when they go down, it's still nothing to do with you. You can say, "I've already moved on," because you in fact did. That's equanimity -- not being affected by the hype during or after, because that's all it is, hype. It's truly nothing to do with you.

Edit: @autumnal gave great advice, too. It's something you have some power to address, and doesn't directly engage with those who targeted you, which again, is just hype.

 

[autumnal]

The website should have a 'Contact us' option somewhere fairly visible. Most dating websites are probably very quick to investigate forged profiles, because of the legal liability involved.

Would also suggest you take screenshots showing all parts of the profile and keep them yourself just in case you need them down the track for any reason.

@SHThrowAway213, how did you get on with reporting that fake dating profile?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

@SHThrowAway213, how did you get on with reporting that fake dating profile?

I reported it but nothing has came of it yet.
I messaged D back too while I was drunk

 

[I screwed up]

@SHThrowAway213 , I hope u r not planning to ctb becoz of this. Pl don't even thnk abt it.

 

[Samsa]

So someone posted a fake dating profile, and put pictures of both me and this other girl, E on it.
E's mum found it, and immediately sent me a long harassing message about it, and my husband.
E's mum wouldnt listen to me, so I blocked her.
Then E got her friend to message me, I blocked her.
I tried to message E, but she wouldn't listen to me either so I blocked her too.
But it's obvious they think I did it and are blaming me.
E then got D who's also from work to message me about it.
I didn't even open up D's message, I just deleted it.
I have to return to work in the next couple of weeks.
I can't face them. I know I am going to be harassed about it, and E is already spreading it about.
This is the straw that broke the camels back.

IP adresses/logs will most likely prove you didn't do anything.

 

[autumnal]

IP adresses/logs will most likely prove you didn't do anything.

Yes, this. That is if the site will release them. @SHThrowAway213, was there anything about the fake profile that might warrant reporting it to police? Anything threatening about it, or the stolen photos used being nudes, or it revealing any of your personal information such as address, phone number etc? Or was it literally just a plain vanilla dating profile, but with your regular photos instead, intended to discredit you simply for being on a dating site, rather than the contents themselves being hurtful?

Although in the OP's situation, it sounds like the bad guys are more interested in spreading the gossip regardless of truth, than in listening to any evidence. So it's probably still going to require the OP to ignore them, rather than them being proved factually wrong and seeing the error of their ways. But I could be wrong, and it's always worth a shot.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Yes, this. That is if the site will release them. @SHThrowAway213, was there anything about the fake profile that might warrant reporting it to police? Anything threatening about it, or the stolen photos used being nudes, or it revealing any of your personal information such as address, phone number etc? Or was it literally just a plain vanilla dating profile, but with your regular photos instead, intended to discredit you simply for being on a dating site, rather than the contents themselves being hurtful?

Although in the OP's situation, it sounds like the bad guys are more interested in spreading the gossip regardless of truth, than in listening to any evidence. So it's probably still going to require the OP to ignore them, rather than them being proved factually wrong and seeing the error of their ways. But I could be wrong, and it's always worth a shot.

Nothing to warrant going to the police, just normal pics with no info.
Thank you for the advice

 

[autumnal]

@SHThrowAway213, any updates on your situation?

 

[Soulless Angel]

@SHThrowAway213, any updates on your situation?

she was online yesterday, she is so all over the place with CTB, I hope she is ok and her mental state is as OK as can be

 

[SHThrowAway213]

@SHThrowAway213, any updates on your situation?

Have not returned to work as still furloughed. No one has messaged me about it, and I won't be working at that store for that much longer anyway as I will be transferring to a different store as I had to move back into my parents house, which sucks as I will never have the opportunity to try hanging or anything again.
My only option is jumping.

 

[autumnal]

Have not returned to work as still furloughed. No one has messaged me about it, and I won't be working at that store for that much longer anyway as I will be transferring to a different store as I had to move back into my parents house, which sucks as I will never have the opportunity to try hanging or anything again.
My only option is jumping.

Thanks for the update. I'd say it is a positive that nobody has contacted you about it, and the transfer should be beneficial too. Did you get the profile taken down?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Thanks for the update. I'd say it is a positive that nobody has contacted you about it, and the transfer should be beneficial too. Did you get the profile taken down?

Going back to work next week. Very nervous.
I didn't chase that up to be honest

 

[Lostandfound7]

People have likely moved on to the next "hot topic", like I thought..

Sending u love and strength to step into work BOLDLY.♡◇♡

 

[Emily123]

Take it easy . The world is full of sick people . You didn't do anything wrong so there is no reason that you take people's stupid behaviours/ misunderstandings personal . go to work and just ignore them . Most of the people in the world are not very serious