Venting Maybe I’m the problem

[cowbain]

Why dont I have relationships after all this time living on this world? Romantically, not even platonically... I'm starting to think maybe there's just something wrong with me. To be fair I don't go out like at all and haven't for the past 2 1/2 years and my family is mainly to blame for that but that's another topic. Even then, yeah i "had people" but they were more like background characters instead of actual companions. I can't even make friends online despite trying for 5 years :/ is there something in my dna that just makes people not want me? Once people know my situation do they just pity me? I'm just ready for this all to be over with, existing here sucks.

 

[Jack4230]

Some people are just naturally bad at socializing. You may very well be the problem, but it could also be a lack of opportunity to meet people or maybe you just haven't met people who you connect with. Even if you are the problem there are plenty of things you can do to change that, it is by no means a death sentence. I'd recommend getting a therapist and doing group therapy, or just read books and watch videos on how to make friends. Socializing is a skill that can be built up, it might also help to actually go out and do stuff, I'd recommend volunteering to be a good place to start. I'm not religious but I've seen how people make friends through their church if you're interested in that sort of stuff. It's never too late to try and change.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Why dont I have relationships after all this time living on this world? Romantically, not even platonically... I'm starting to think maybe there's just something wrong with me. To be fair I don't go out like at all and haven't for the past 2 1/2 years and my family is mainly to blame for that but that's another topic. Even then, yeah i "had people" but they were more like background characters instead of actual companions. I can't even make friends online despite trying for 5 years :/ is there something in my dna that just makes people not want me? Once people know my situation do they just pity me? I'm just ready for this all to be over with, existing here sucks.

Like you, I choose the isolating options. It helps to think of the choices you have (even as basic as "to go" or "not to go") and act on that.

 

[*KNAZ*]

I used to think I was the problem. Latest theory from therapist is that I have BPD which used to be called lack of effective coping skills which used to be called adult child issues which used to be called being screwed up. Now we have a whole new DSM label that basically means we don't fit in with this world. I maintain that sensitive empathic people as many of us are just can't handle the insanity of society, the meaningless of the gerbil wheel, and the world in general. Basically we can't deny what others know but refuse to acknowledge. If they did we would have a lot more members on here.

 

[cowbain]

Some people are just naturally bad at socializing. You may very well be the problem, but it could also be a lack of opportunity to meet people or maybe you just haven't met people who you connect with. Even if you are the problem there are plenty of things you can do to change that, it is by no means a death sentence. I'd recommend getting a therapist and doing group therapy, or just read books and watch videos on how to make friends. Socializing is a skill that can be built up, it might also help to actually go out and do stuff, I'd recommend volunteering to be a good place to start. I'm not religious but I've seen how people make friends through their church if you're interested in that sort of stuff. It's never too late to try and change.

It's not just that. I can socialize but that's not the only thing I need rn. I can be fake and pretend to be somewhat okay to be deemed acceptable. I don't want that though. I'm just tired of how mundane and brainwashed most humans are. It feels like talking to a robot sometimes when I do talk to people.. It's like everyone's been programmed to say the same replies and responses. I guess what I want is genuine connection.

 

[Astral316]

Whatever is in your DNA, it's in mine too. I don't even think it has anything to do with how well you socialize... the people I've been exposed to beat the "spirit of socializing" out of me over the span of a couple decades. If you're not a tatted up extrovert glued to a smart phone when you're not dragging off a butt you don't count as a human being in the modern world.

 

[Jack4230]

It's not just that. I can socialize but that's not the only thing I need rn. I can be fake and pretend to be somewhat okay to be deemed acceptable. I don't want that though. I'm just tired of how mundane and brainwashed most humans are. It feels like talking to a robot sometimes when I do talk to people.. It's like everyone's been programmed to say the same replies and responses. I guess what I want is genuine connection.

That might come down to spending more time to get to know people, but ya I agree most people are brainless. I've realized that there will only ever be a handful of people that I form a genuine connection with, it is a truly rare thing. Unfortunately for me I have a genuine connection with people but I'm still suicidal. It helps sometimes but at least for me it doesn't change much.

 

[WhiteDespair]

It's not just that. I can socialize but that's not the only thing I need rn. I can be fake and pretend to be somewhat okay to be deemed acceptable. I don't want that though. I'm just tired of how mundane and brainwashed most humans are. It feels like talking to a robot sometimes when I do talk to people.. It's like everyone's been programmed to say the same replies and responses. I guess what I want is genuine connection.

There's a lot of trust involved. And, honesty. Much of the robotic conversations are just because one or both people is holding back or are okay with their relationship at that level. Telling someone a secret helps form connections. Moe often than not the other person will reciprocate.

Whatever is in your DNA, it's in mine too. I don't even think it has anything to do with how well you socialize... the people I've been exposed to beat the "spirit of socializing" out of me over the span of a couple decades. If you're not a tatted up extrovert glued to a smart phone when you're not dragging off a butt you don't count as a human being in the modern world.

Same. I found the best way to survive was to hide in isolation and/or become numb in the physical/mental/emotional/wtc. realms.

 

[cowbain]

I used to think I was the problem. Latest theory from therapist is that I have BPD which used to be called lack of effective coping skills which used to be called adult child issues which used to be called being screwed up. Now we have a whole new DSM label that basically means we don't fit in with this world. I maintain that sensitive empathic people as many of us are just can't handle the insanity of society, the meaningless of the gerbil wheel, and the world in general. Basically we can't deny what others know but refuse to acknowledge. If they did we would have a lot more members on here.

You're right. I don't want to live in a world that refuses help to people like me. People have no clue what help is nowadays. Emotional intelligence is a rare and sacred thing for one to posses. It's much easier for someone to just post a stupid hotline then for them to actually offer a conversation to someone who's hurting. I guess people are all just selfish and lazy, but at least we don't use that to directly or indirectly hurt others.

 

[WhiteDespair]

You're right. I don't want to live in a world that refuses help to people like me. People have no clue what help is nowadays. Emotional intelligence is a rare and sacred thing for one to posses. It's much easier for someone to just post a stupid hotline then for them to actually offer a conversation to someone who's hurting. I guess people are all just selfish and lazy, but at least we don't use that to directly or indirectly hurt others.

People have a hard time empathising with or understanding. CtB becaue it's so out of their knowledge.

 

[cowbain]

There's a lot of trust involved. And, honesty. Much of the robotic conversations are just because one or both people is holding back or are okay with their relationship at that level. Telling someone a secret helps form connections. Moe often than not the other person will reciprocate.



Same. I found the best way to survive was to hide in isolation and/or become numb in the physical/mental/emotional/wtc. realms.

For me I find that it's hard to meet people who think and feel on a deeper level, regardless if I tell them secrets or not. I also don't advise doing that if you're a victim of abuse like myself. It makes you too vulnerable. People will see you've been abused and instead of being understanding, they view it as an opportunity to use you, just because you were already taken advantage of before. :/

 

[WhiteDespair]

For me I find that it's hard to meet people who think and feel on a deeper level, regardless if I tell them secrets or not. I also don't advise doing that if you're a victim of abuse like myself. It makes you too vulnerable. People will see you've been abused and instead of being understanding, they view it as an opportunity to use you, just because you were already taken advantage of before. :/

Of course you have to gauge and secrets you reveal. I got closer to some peop le when I told them that my mother CtB. Good quality people won't ostracize you for beinh abusee.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Why dont I have relationships after all this time living on this world? Romantically, not even platonically... I'm starting to think maybe there's just something wrong with me. To be fair I don't go out like at all and haven't for the past 2 1/2 years and my family is mainly to blame for that but that's another topic. Even then, yeah i "had people" but they were more like background characters instead of actual companions. I can't even make friends online despite trying for 5 years :/ is there something in my dna that just makes people not want me? Once people know my situation do they just pity me? I'm just ready for this all to be over with, existing here sucks.

me too. i don't mean YOU, but i think it's feasible that some people are just emotionally repelling to most others. like, despite the sugary counter-claims, there are physically unattractive people. so there could be emotionally unattractive people, too. for what it's worth, i'm certainly one of them.

It's not just that. I can socialize but that's not the only thing I need rn. I can be fake and pretend to be somewhat okay to be deemed acceptable. I don't want that though. I guess what I want is genuine connection.

amen

For me I find that it's hard to meet people who think and feel on a deeper level, regardless if I tell them secrets or not. I also don't advise doing that if you're a victim of abuse like myself. It makes you too vulnerable. People will see you've been abused and instead of being understanding, they view it as an opportunity to use you, just because you were already taken advantage of before. :/

again, amen!

 

[noonetoo]

:( ugh, I get the feeling and the struggle. I'm a very social person but I can't get people to meet me on a 2 way street, no matter how hard I try. Even when you feel like you really connect with someone, People always have their own friends to hang out with and choose over. Or sometimes they'll reject us and it'll make us feel not worthy enough especially in such a judgmental world. I've been searching for suicidal friends, I made 2 in the past and even eventually confided my real identity and I lost contact with both of them. At the end of the day it sucks when people will say they will be your friend but they're very vague and don't reveal much. It always happens to me. It makes me feel useless like just shoot me already pls. Blah

 

[noonetoo]

Triggered: yesterday was my boyfriends birthday and his dad didn't want to be around to celebrate it. I messaged his older brother only for it to turn into this. They know I was just in the mental hospital for a week after the last suicide attempt. His family has always treated us like black sheep even though we have done a lot for them and their kids and they have never wanted to help us until recently, his brother helped him get a job where he works. I am the problem.
On Friday, I had made dinner reservations to celebrate my significant others birthday but instead we cancelled and drove all the way to the ER because his older nephew (his brothers son) had gotten hit in the face with a skateboard. They treated us like we had no business being at the hospital, especially his older sister was treating her little brother (my boyfriend) like he was nobody but we sat there for 4 hours to show support because we were worried too. Anyway I sent her this and went offf.....
Anyway it was the brother that sent me the message to kill myself again and it's taunting me. I am better off dead. If anyone is reading this, can I get some tips to Kms at home quickly and for sure succeed. I'm tired of failing at everything I do, I just want to give up. I'm thinking maybe drill a hole through the drywall on top of a door frame and just getting drunk and hanging myself???

 

[noonetoo]

Guess no one is here :(

 

[noonetoo]

Anyone.... please

 

[awfullife]

Hang in there...Conflict seems to always enter in; especially in families. I hate conflict and I feel sorry for what you are going through. Mental Health issues are hard for people to process. You can definitely feel the weird energy that they just don't know how to respond and unfortunately some people are shitheads. I will be thinking about you and hope you can find peace in this tough situation.

 

[noonetoo]

Thanks, he's right I'm the issue and will always be. They say if you love someone, set them free so they can be happy. I need to stop seeking to vent and stop feeling sorry for myself. From the 8 year old little girl forced in the dark room with my stepdad, to the teenager letting herself get raped and dumped in the park drunk, to surviving horrible stds and bulimia and in and out of mental hospitals to a hard labor job that mentally abused me bc I was too weak as a woman to work as fast as a man, to all the acquaintances that knew I struggled to make friends but left me to eat alone, to all the bullying women receive for having abortions bc I am 1 out of 3. To all my heartaches, for the unconditional love all my nephews and nieces gave us despite their shitty parents, sometimes ppl are too broken to fix themselves or to even be fixed.

 

[Shinbu]

Triggered: yesterday was my boyfriends birthday and his dad didn't want to be around to celebrate it. I messaged his older brother only for it to turn into this. They know I was just in the mental hospital for a week after the last suicide attempt. His family has always treated us like black sheep even though we have done a lot for them and their kids and they have never wanted to help us until recently, his brother helped him get a job where he works. I am the problem.
On Friday, I had made dinner reservations to celebrate my significant others birthday but instead we cancelled and drove all the way to the ER because his older nephew (his brothers son) had gotten hit in the face with a skateboard. They treated us like we had no business being at the hospital, especially his older sister was treating her little brother (my boyfriend) like he was nobody but we sat there for 4 hours to show support because we were worried too. Anyway I sent her this and went offf.....
Anyway it was the brother that sent me the message to kill myself again and it's taunting me. I am better off dead. If anyone is reading this, can I get some tips to Kms at home quickly and for sure succeed. I'm tired of failing at everything I do, I just want to give up. I'm thinking maybe drill a hole through the drywall on top of a door frame and just getting drunk and hanging myself???

Hang in there. Don't let his older bro be your reason to ctb. I don't know you, but his older bro is a dickhead. I think it's best to avoid his family since they treat you and your bf like that. Your bf lives with his parents?. If so then make a plan to move out together. Does your bf knows that his older bro told you that?.

 

[c824767]

It's not just that. I can socialize but that's not the only thing I need rn. I can be fake and pretend to be somewhat okay to be deemed acceptable. I don't want that though. I'm just tired of how mundane and brainwashed most humans are. It feels like talking to a robot sometimes when I do talk to people.. It's like everyone's been programmed to say the same replies and responses. I guess what I want is genuine connection.

Nobody wants to listen to my conclusions about the planet either, and yet, there are so many works of art, i.e. song texts, movies (Citizen Kane one of the earliest ones to point a finger at media moguls Pulitzer and Hearst as perpetrators). There is a bunch of cynical earth dominators out there and if you complain they deep six you. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture...iam-Randolph-Hearst-thaws-after-70-years.html This article shows how Hearst's heirs try to discredit the movie by saying it is SOOO far away from the truth. In my opinion it is too gentle on the truth and does not show how morally corrupt the papers were at the time, and in 2020, despite countless more movies and protests and books and song lyrics that try to show us what is wrong, the media is worse than ever. We just cannot seem to get at the people who make our lives shit, we are just muzzled all the time and discredited. Like Greta Thunbers, they call her an apocalyptic witch. The powers that be feel disrupted by her in their infinite race for more money, and they would love to burn her at the stake so people get frightened and dare even less to be outspoken about the misery they see and feel. Like in the original witch trials, as all contrarians who feels courageous and accuses powerful people of corruption, you are damned if you do (they will deep six you) and damned if you don't (you feel like they cut your tongue out)