Maybe I'll be staying

[ChaseBees]

Posted on the other side but was encouraged to write here. I realized today that if I were to break up with my boyfriend, I wouldn't be planning to ctb. But as of now, I'm staying with him.

I keep holding out and hoping things will change. It's so tiring to be mistreated, especially when he recognizes it and will agree that he mistreats me. It's so tiring to have someone only listen when they're convinced you're going to leave. It's so tiring that I have to be careful recounting stories to my friends or writing messages to him. I hate the misogynistic "jokes." I wish he would kiss me, because that's a time when I feel loved. I spend hours every week catering to his love languages but he doesn't listen to mine. I'm so tired of crying constantly, it's so exhaustive. But he talks about a future with me, and I want it. The truth is, he has huge emotions and doesn't have the skills to manage them. We are 2 weeks from 1 year and 6 months together and I don't want to throw it away. Because a future where he is nice to me is everything I've ever dreamed of.

 

[Peel_the_Banana]

Posted on the other side but was encouraged to write here. I realized today that if I were to break up with my boyfriend, I wouldn't be planning to ctb. But as of now, I'm staying with him.

I keep holding out and hoping things will change. It's so tiring to be mistreated, especially when he recognizes it and will agree that he mistreats me. It's so tiring to have someone only listen when they're convinced you're going to leave. It's so tiring that I have to be careful recounting stories to my friends or writing messages to him. I hate the misogynistic "jokes." I wish he would kiss me, because that's a time when I feel loved. I spend hours every week catering to his love languages but he doesn't listen to mine. I'm so tired of crying constantly, it's so exhaustive. But he talks about a future with me, and I want it. The truth is, he has huge emotions and doesn't have the skills to manage them. We are 2 weeks from 1 year and 6 months together and I don't want to throw it away. Because a future where he is nice to me is everything I've ever dreamed of.

I think you need to break up with him for few reasons:

1. He's treating you badly. FULL STOP!
2. The relationship seems imbalanced. You are giving but he's taking and not nurturing the relationship. (This doesn't having to be financial taking, it can be emotional, spiritual, physical (sex))
3. You're dating him based on his POTENTIAL qualities not his ACTUAL qualities. (You shouldn't have to dream of some fantasy future where he's nice to you. It should be happening today. Many women do this so do not feel bad. However if you continue in this manner it is likely to get worse.)
4. Actions speak louder than words. Women get all caught up in the idea of marriage / longterm, etc. You should already be in the marriage you want when you are dating. Things don't change for the better with longer term commitments. They can often become worse b/c you have to assimilate your full lives and develop new coping mechanisms.
5. If your man is making you want to CTB, he's abusive. YOUR NEEDS SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST. (Fear of being lonely or alone should not be considered.)
6. Majority of men love the chase. They also LOVE women they can respect, and one whom respects herself. When a women allows herself to be treated as a doormat, he loses respect for her. He has no respect for you because you have no boundaries (at the moment). If you did he wouldn't mistreat you. There is no way you can change this unless you leave and show him you will not allow this treatment (i.e. create boundaries). Maybe he gets his act together and tries to come back (Don't forgive right away, give him time to re-court you to see if he's really changed.) Maybe he doesn't; he moves on and gets married to someone else. Better off him mistreating her than you. And if he's not mistreating her, its because she won't allow it and neither should you!

 

[timf]

Because a future where he is nice to me is everything I've ever dreamed of.

It sounds like your hope for the future is that he becomes a different person. It may be that you will have to find a different person in whom your hope would not be misplaced.

 

[AtMostOkay]

Falling in love with potential is incredibly painful and, in my experience, a waste of time, energy and resources. Concentrate on your potential, and let him go. I'm available if you want to talk.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Because a future where he is nice to me is everything I've ever dreamed of.

 

[Ash]

He sounds awful. Dump him and walk away with your head held high.