Maybe I should quit sanctioned suicide where would you send me instead (substack, patreon or onlyfans?)

[noname223]

Of course this is only a joke. I also joked about demanding minimum wage for all the threads that I post in the past. I just wish there was an opportunity to turn my sick pathologies like writing millions of threads into money.

From what I have read substack would be the smartest choice. Though I don't have anything to offer. On substack there are some independent journalists with huge reputation that raise a lot of money. Though I could never ever do that. My political threads are a joke in comparison to that. I think for turning my politics obsession into money I had to betray my own principles and spread extreme right-wing talking points.

For patreon I needed a youtube channel and I don't want that. Furthermore I had to decide between mental illness, suicide and politics content.

So my last option onlyfans. Well who does not get the wish for some naughty pitcures of a person that rants about suicidality like every single day. Maybe some necrophilic weirdos that monitor suicide forums would be interested in my dead body. Well I don't need the money postmortem.

Of course I am not serious. Even though it sounds like a dream scenario to get money for my verbal diarrhea it could ruin writing as a coping mechanism. I think the relation to the process would evolve into something different. My expectations of myself would become higher. I had to scrutinize the quality and I might would censor myself if other people could be upset about my opinion. And I like to give contrarian takes so maybe there would be some subconscious censorship of myself. The thing I like about this forum is many people write me well I see the things completely different than you in most instances but I respect you and I like your threads.

I think if I got money the threads would become work. This is for me often related to stress and fears. It could become like a cage. And this forum is for me rather a way to escape from all that performance pressure that I am doing to myself. A place where I don't have to pretend I was happy. A place where this fucking masquerade that I have to play in usual interactions can stop for some hours.

 

[Shepherd's boy]

Hi! Sorry, I've never managed to read any of your posts entirely, because it is quite hard for me to concentrate. So, can you tell the reason why do you write so much exactly? Is this because you want so many thoughts in your head and you want to spill them out? Or is this because you are afraid of loneliness and this is some kind of coping mechanism? Or maybe you have some kind of hyperactivity?
Sorry again if you've covered this in you previous threads already.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Go to 4chan where you belong!1

 

[noname223]

Hi! Sorry, I've never managed to read any of your posts entirely, because it is quite hard for me to concentrate. So, can you tell the reason why do you write so much exactly? Is this because you want so many thoughts in your head and you want to spill them out? Or is this because you are afraid of loneliness and this is some kind of coping mechanism? Or maybe you have some kind of hyperactivity?
Sorry again if you've covered this in you previous threads already.

There are probably multiple reasons and your guess was not far away.
Indeed my thoughts are always racing every single day and I barely have breaks of them. Writing them down and getting feedback helps to cope with them because many of them are very negative and induce anxiety.
I am also very lonely. And I cannot connect to many people. I have to hide my severe suffering in front of others in college.
And it is probably also hyperactivity. I think I have a manic brain with a huge drive to do things. But this forum rather slows me down this is why the usage for me is a great help.

 

[MeltingBrain]

A place where I don't have to pretend I was happy.

 

[Shepherd's boy]

There are probably multiple reasons and your guess was not far away.
Indeed my thoughts are always racing every single day and I barely have breaks of them. Writing them down and getting feedback helps to cope with them because many of them are very negative and induce anxiety.
I am also very lonely. And I cannot connect to many people. I have to hide my severe suffering in front of others in college.
And it is probably also hyperactivity. I think I have a manic brain with a huge drive to do things. But this forum rather slows me down this is why the usage for me is a great help.

This must be tough to go through all this alone, but do you think you could redirect those thoughts in something that would give you some income? Can you tell at which faculty do you study? Is these classes are interesting for you? I'm just thinking that if you were interested in programming, for example, than it would be very easy for you to find a job, because, I suppose, it doesn't really matter what you are typing in case you are obsessed with it.

Also, if you are already thinking about onlyfans (even if this was a joke) then maybe you should consider something like twitch but more loyal towards sensitive topics. It would me nice to watch, I believe.

 

[noname223]

This must be tough to go through all this alone, but do you think you could redirect those thoughts in something that would give you some income? Can you tell at which faculty do you study? Is these classes are interesting for you? I'm just thinking that if you were interested in programming, for example, than it would be very easy for you to find a job, because, I suppose, it doesn't really matter what you are typing in case you are obsessed with it.

Also, if you are already thinking about onlyfans (even if this was a joke) then maybe you should consider something like twitch but more loyal towards sensitive topics. It would me nice to watch, I believe.

I don't say which subject I am studying because of the fear of being identified. Believe me I am considering all options there are to get a stable income. But my brain is just a pretty fucking mess. I don't like IT it is boring as hell for me.

I think there are good reasons why onlyfans or twitch would not be the right thing for me. I have systematically analyed my situation with diffferent therapists and I am doing what might have the highest chance to be rewarded. Though many many variables in that equation are against my success and rather go into direction of killing myself.

 

[Ultracheese]

I have been having a bad day and the idea of you on Onlyfans made me laugh. I'm sure there is a market for naked pictures with long, philosophical captions, though it is probably very small, haha. I get what you mean about worrying the threads would become like work if you made money off of them. I'm heading off to the east coast in a couple of days to speak about David Foster Wallace, and sadly working on a paper to be presented in front of academics has drained my enthusiasm for him a little. I would subscribe to you if you had a Substack or Youtube channel. If you were to do those things, I don't think you should feel the need to limit yourself to one topic. I could see you making really insightful video essays where you explore a different issue from a variety of perspectives in each video.