masculinity belongs in the DSM6

[NaturalBornNEET]

Nothing makes me see red more than when other men project their fragile masculinity onto me. My uncle once told me to stop acting hard because I was... overheating. Bitch I'm not trying to prove anything to you my skin is currently erupting with hives because I'm so vulnerable to the heat! You know what else is bullshit? Being able to "hold your liquor" as a measure of masculinity. How how HOW is needing to spend MORE money on your shitty ethanol slop a brag? How is having to drink MORE high calorie health destroying drain cleaner a brag? Genuinely what is the rational? Is my autism perhaps the reason I've never been able to see masculinity as nothing but self harm and tomfoolery?

Masculinity seems to only function in the context of a brutal and violent world, a world with a malicious "other", a world with enemies. All the main traits of masculinity: protection (only makes sense in the context of a world where there are inimical actors and forces you have to protect from. Providence: only makes sense in a world with limited resources, where not obtaining those resources = death. I could go on.

To me masculinity is submission, the love of rigid and dominating hierarchies, need for certainty and a place in that hierarchy and to maintain it, contempt and abuse of those below you in the hierarchy and submission and supplication of those above you in the hierarchy. Masculinity is to be stockholm syndrome'd to nature and tradition. Masculinity is to make an art out of self harm and harming others, to shit your pants just to spite those around you who have to put up with the smell.

I've never had a "positive" masculine role model in my life so I have no reason to believe non-toxic masculinity exists. Are there any aspects of masculinity that aren't just... completely corrupt?

Why is the song called "girls just wanna have fun" and not "people just wanna have fun", cuz from all my lived experience up until this point, the masculine just seems to want to harm, harm harm HARM HARM HARM harm HARM HARM AND NOTHING ELSE! AND THIS HARM EXALTS US EVEN!????? OH GOD WHERE DID WE GO WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm never leaving my room again

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

Seems I'm too unhinged even for this site

 

[Pluto]

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

I just don't see how I could ever reconcile myself with the gender roles that have been forced onto me

 

[cakedog]

This is actually a very well written and amazingly detailed viewpoint on your part
*bows in respect*

 

[astr4]

when you say you don't believe in non toxic masculinity, do you not believe men are capable of kindness/compassion/other good things? or do you frame those men as being "feminine" in nature?

i'm wondering if maybe the issue is how we're defining masculinity. for example @whywere is a guy i think of as doing masculinity right. but then, some might argue "oh he's not masculine, he's not manly" but i think he is so brave to have the openness and warmth that he does. i would call bravery a "manly" thing.

but also you're right, when i think of "masculine" moments i also think of a friend confronting someone harassing me, for example. of course in a perfect world it doesn't exist and it doesn't need to exist. but i mean. you don't have to only pull the masc out to reinforce a hierarchy. maybe the best use of masculinity in that regard is to constantly be challenging the existing status quo.

but yeah if you're surrounded by shitty men all that healthy masculinity stuff doesn't mean anything. trans men are generally more self aware, having had to obviously self reflect at some point in their lives LMAO so that could be a starting place

but ur anger is real justified and valid and it sounds like your uncle and whoever else can take a long walk off a short cliff. people are really fucking…. idk stupid about gender role stuff. hugs.