Im 34 years old, and I have lost the love of my life. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met. After being separated for over 2 years we finally worked it out and were planning on living together with our 2 boys that are 6-8. She went through my phone a few days before we were supposed to move back in together and was reading old messages that I was sending girls during our separation. I was passed out during a movie because Im an alcoholic. She woke me up and we got in a fight. And I threaten to CTB to her. The boys in the other room heard this and it broke my heart. This happened 2 or 3 more times. I would say that even though I was never actually wanted to CTB its just how I thought would help me in our arguments.
Finally the day before Im supposed to move in, I'm packing up at my old place for the movers. She tells me its over again. I break down and threaten to CTB again. She called the cops on me and they took me to a mental hospital for a week. This has ruined my life completely. my move had to move all my stuff into storage and I had to go live with her for a month. My ex will not talk to me at all, and I have only been able to see my kids 4 times in the last 5 months with controlled visitation. Im aloud to call them every night at 7 but can only talk to my kids.
I now have my own place for the past few months. But I have blown my 30k I had saved on partying and other stupid things. I told my mom about this and she told me to never talk to her again, and blocked me on her phone. Told me to live on the streets If I have no money. Now the only people that talk to me are my kids. Thats it. I don't want to leave my kids, but I'm in pain every single day. All I think about is ending this. Ive tried partial hangings so many times I can't even count and it never works. Finally 2 days ago and purchased a Helium tank and mask and have it all set up sitting in my room.
I would hate to leave my kids behind because my dad CTB when I was 14. and I think that's why im like this now. But I have been depressed everyday and can't even concentrate on simple things. Ive hardly been eating. Im an actual mess right now and I had everything I ever needed. I want to end it this weekend, but my kids start school on Tuesday and I couldn't imagine how hard this would be on them. I need some advice. But I really want to end this suffering.
Finally the day before Im supposed to move in, I'm packing up at my old place for the movers. She tells me its over again. I break down and threaten to CTB again. She called the cops on me and they took me to a mental hospital for a week. This has ruined my life completely. my move had to move all my stuff into storage and I had to go live with her for a month. My ex will not talk to me at all, and I have only been able to see my kids 4 times in the last 5 months with controlled visitation. Im aloud to call them every night at 7 but can only talk to my kids.
I now have my own place for the past few months. But I have blown my 30k I had saved on partying and other stupid things. I told my mom about this and she told me to never talk to her again, and blocked me on her phone. Told me to live on the streets If I have no money. Now the only people that talk to me are my kids. Thats it. I don't want to leave my kids, but I'm in pain every single day. All I think about is ending this. Ive tried partial hangings so many times I can't even count and it never works. Finally 2 days ago and purchased a Helium tank and mask and have it all set up sitting in my room.
I would hate to leave my kids behind because my dad CTB when I was 14. and I think that's why im like this now. But I have been depressed everyday and can't even concentrate on simple things. Ive hardly been eating. Im an actual mess right now and I had everything I ever needed. I want to end it this weekend, but my kids start school on Tuesday and I couldn't imagine how hard this would be on them. I need some advice. But I really want to end this suffering.
