You've all been so amazingly kind to me with all this over the top relationship drama I've been having. I really thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Who ever would've thought it'd be a suicide forum that is constantly talking me off the ledge. I appreciate you all. You're all so beautiful in your spirit. (Except for that one guy who said if he was a lesbian he wouldn't care if his gf cheats)
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
@fearmenot, it's been a pleasure to be here for you, though all I've really been able to do is read your posts and give hug reacts. But I've been thinking of you.
In fact, I got a book about caretaking for narcissists and BPD, and I was so hoping there'd be some good stuff and I could recommend it to you, but it wasn't good enough that I would recommend it as a resource. Regardless, I understand so well trying to understand someone else's stuff, be empathetic and supportive, and then have a wall thrown up and run right into it. I spent so much emotional and other energy for years on folks with those issues, and I get not only how draining and crazymaking it is, but how one can get sucked in again by someone new or even by the same folks when one is compassionate and have the inner resources to help others...only to have the offer denied and then taken in a manner that's not offered, or get little rewards here and there to keep on giving, followed by abuse.
I did pick up a helpful term from one resource that's make a huge difference for me: slot-machining. Returning again and again to the slot machine of hope. I now catch myself when I'm in slot machine mode, softening up and ready to go love and serve that person some more (and maybe they'll finally get better!), because now I remember the teased jackpot never hits, I don't get the love back, I don't get the tacitly promised rewards.
Sending empathy, compassion and respect.
In fact, I got a book about caretaking for narcissists and BPD, and I was so hoping there'd be some good stuff and I could recommend it to you, but it wasn't good enough that I would recommend it as a resource. Regardless, I understand so well trying to understand someone else's stuff, be empathetic and supportive, and then have a wall thrown up and run right into it. I spent so much emotional and other energy for years on folks with those issues, and I get not only how draining and crazymaking it is, but how one can get sucked in again by someone new or even by the same folks when one is compassionate and have the inner resources to help others...only to have the offer denied and then taken in a manner that's not offered, or get little rewards here and there to keep on giving, followed by abuse.
I did pick up a helpful term from one resource that's make a huge difference for me: slot-machining. Returning again and again to the slot machine of hope. I now catch myself when I'm in slot machine mode, softening up and ready to go love and serve that person some more (and maybe they'll finally get better!), because now I remember the teased jackpot never hits, I don't get the love back, I don't get the tacitly promised rewards.
Sending empathy, compassion and respect.
Omg that's an ingenious term! Thank you so much!!! Thank you for thinking of me even while you were reading that book
I love you as well, take care of yourself the same. You're a treasure
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GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
Ugh, there are so many better books. There was some good information about families and some ways in which one becomes a caretaker, but the description of caretaker was too pigeonholing or limited, and I didn't find any advice to keep and follow. But I won't gatekeep! The title itself honestly served me the most:
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
The person who came up with the term I shared is George Simon, though it came from an interview, not his book. If you're interested, the books that really served me were Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (I skip the Christian parts and bypass the high-horse attitude) followed by In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon (he's a bit of a wolf himself irl, and it seeps through in his writing and interviews, but still really good info).
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
The person who came up with the term I shared is George Simon, though it came from an interview, not his book. If you're interested, the books that really served me were Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (I skip the Christian parts and bypass the high-horse attitude) followed by In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon (he's a bit of a wolf himself irl, and it seeps through in his writing and interviews, but still really good info).
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The group is pro choice rather than pro suicide or pro life. It's not not just a place to look for ways to die, but also a place where people will understand and not judge you for suicidal feelings. There are amazing beautiful people here. I'm glad you felt supported. I hope you find happiness and peace in whichever direction your life takes.
