Everyone on here is right. You can't make it even relatively painless for anyone the genuinely cares about you. Loved ones will grieve heavily for you. And I know, from experience, that the pain is new each day. That being said, if you are determined to ctb, here are some things I wish I had from a recently departed brother:
1. A note. A text. A last goodbye or I love you.
2. A recording of them talking to me. Video would be preferred but audio works too. I have recordings of his voice-mail and past videos he's made but something personal would be nice.
3. Some kind of an after life plan. What they want done with ashes, songs to remember them by, a plan for their belongings, etc.
4. A heads up. I mean obviously if my brother had called and let me know I would have tried to intervene BUT the smell when cleaning out his apartment was really difficult to endure for family members. A delayed email or text so he could have been found sooner.
5. A list of important passwords and accounts. Depending on your age and if you have children or next of kin, knowing how to get access to loans, insurance policies, financial statements, can be helpful and funeral costs can be expensive.
6. A recent picture of you.
I'm also struggling with a very similar thing, so I could use advice myself. But right now, I'm doing what I can.
I'm personally planning to CTB at least two weeks away from any major holiday or birthday just so it isn't potentially associated and ruined in the future for them. I'm writing really long notes to anyone significant to me, mostly telling them I love them, saying this is what I wanted and there's nothing anyone could have done to stop me, and trying to let them know I really am in a more peaceful place, that I'm at rest. I don't believe in spirits or ghosts or an afterlife but I know my parents do, so I'm going to tell them I'll be watching over them and I'll always be with them, that I'll see them again someday, that sort of thing.
Financially I can't do much, I'm leaving a note requesting I be cremated so they don't have to pay so much for a funeral. I'm going to try to leave all my money to my mother, which isn't much, but I'm also going to ask that they both go to a therapist after I'm gone, and that neither of them are left alone— especially my mom, because I know she's going to take it really hard.
Other than that, just basic courtesy kind of stuff. CTB far away from home, trying not to go in a gruesome or (relatively) horrific way, doing what I can so they won't have to identify a body, that kind of thing. At the end of the day, it's going to hurt them. I can't stop that from happening, and neither can anyone else. But losing a close family member isn't exactly uncommon in general, so I can just hope they'll be okay and find some comfort afterwards. For now I'm just trying to make good, happy memories. It hurts sometimes, knowing what I know, but I want them to know how much I loved them when I'm gone.
Anyway, sorry this turned into a whole ramble. I hope you find what you're looking for and I think it's really admirable that you're so empathetic and caring towards your family despite the situation you're in. Best of luck to you, seriously.
I think this is all a beautiful idea. Can I recommend, if it's not too obvious, take some videos of you hugging them, talking to them, having dinner with them... it will help later for them, I promise. You can either leave them on your phone and if you can grant them access to your email after the fact, send them there. Just an almost "living" reminder of you.
I'm also struggling with a very similar thing, so I could use advice myself. But right now, I'm doing what I can.
I'm personally planning to CTB at least two weeks away from any major holiday or birthday just so it isn't potentially associated and ruined in the future for them. I'm writing really long notes to anyone significant to me, mostly telling them I love them, saying this is what I wanted and there's nothing anyone could have done to stop me, and trying to let them know I really am in a more peaceful place, that I'm at rest. I don't believe in spirits or ghosts or an afterlife but I know my parents do, so I'm going to tell them I'll be watching over them and I'll always be with them, that I'll see them again someday, that sort of thing.
Financially I can't do much, I'm leaving a note requesting I be cremated so they don't have to pay so much for a funeral. I'm going to try to leave all my money to my mother, which isn't much, but I'm also going to ask that they both go to a therapist after I'm gone, and that neither of them are left alone— especially my mom, because I know she's going to take it really hard.
Other than that, just basic courtesy kind of stuff. CTB far away from home, trying not to go in a gruesome or (relatively) horrific way, doing what I can so they won't have to identify a body, that kind of thing. At the end of the day, it's going to hurt them. I can't stop that from happening, and neither can anyone else. But losing a close family member isn't exactly uncommon in general, so I can just hope they'll be okay and find some comfort afterwards. For now I'm just trying to make good, happy memories. It hurts sometimes, knowing what I know, but I want them to know how much I loved them when I'm gone.
Anyway, sorry this turned into a whole ramble. I hope you find what you're looking for and I think it's really admirable that you're so empathetic and caring towards your family despite the situation you're in. Best of luck to you, seriously.
I think this is all a beautiful idea. Can I recommend, if it's not too obvious, take some videos of you hugging them, talking to them, having dinner with them... it will help later for them, I promise. You can either leave them on your phone and if you can grant them access to your email after the fact, send them there. Just an almost "living" reminder of you.
