Making change is hard

[BloomingAzaleas]

—

The same old pattern, the same old shtick
Want to make a change, want to not be sick
But when it's time to fight, at the first sight of pain
Running once more, back to my own chains

—BloomingAzaleas
—

I feel like I've been trapped in this cycle for a while now. I finally have a desire to make a change in my life, and to pursue a life that I would like. However, making change is hard, and I feel like even though I have this new desire, I keep holding myself back because I'm afraid to move forward, and because of that I feel frustrated at my slow progress.

The desire for change, has to come from within, I can't keep cowering away, nor can I expect to get anyone's help to make a change, I have to be dependent on myself, but it's so damn hard when I'm my own biggest obstacle.

I want to know if anyone else has gone through this, or if they were able to overcome this self-obstacle for recovery.

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

I've learned that sometimes, even if you have the internal desire, you may still need an external push to make it all click. Society very much places too much responsibility on the individual to control every facet of their lives when the material conditions we inhabit usually are the deciding factor of what we can achieve.

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

I've learned that sometimes, even if you have the internal desire, you may still need an external push to make it all click. Society very much places too much responsibility on the individual to control every facet of their lives when the material conditions we inhabit usually are the deciding factor of what we can achieve.

In this case, it's something I want separate from material conditions. In the end this barrier I'm facing that frustrates me most is my mindset I cling to where I run away from trying to make the change I want. I don't really mind material conditions limiting me, I just want to stop limiting myself.

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

What is it about your mindset that limits you? Fear, Sadness, Anger, all 3? Do you think that you cling to it because you feel a sort of twisted comfort in what you've become used to?

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

What is it about your mindset that limits you? Fear, Sadness, Anger, all 3? Do you think that you cling to it because you feel a sort of twisted comfort in what you've become used to?

I'd say Pride.
I feel like I gave up a life to live like everyone else, and this life has chose has only lead me to suffer.
But I take pride in this life I chose, and choosing actions for change just makes me feel sick because it's like I'm rebelling against what I originally chose to live for. It's not my right to ask for something more after all, this is the life I chose.

Despite that pride, I still want to make a change, it's just, difficult…

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

Maybe this can help you think about that pride.