Help major mental illness emerging in 20's and i'm scared

[ilikepink]

i've showed signs of having mental issues since i was around 8 years old. i was physically/verbally/sexually abused the most severely before this age, which is why i think it started to show later. i've been diagnosed with a lot of different things and unofficially diagnosed by different therapists. i don't know what's wrong with me. i think i have bipolar disorder but i'm not positive. it was implied by the last therapist i ever saw around age 17.

i'm 22 now and it's getting so much worse. insomnia, waking up from sleep in fight-or-flight, panic attacks, mood swings, depression, hyperactivity, rage, impulsivity, mind-numbing boredom. nothing feels good. nothing is enough. this all started so fast.

i walked out of my job a few days ago. i've probably spent around $2,000 within the last month alone on shopping sprees. i've ghosted my friends (the 2 i had left) because i was paranoid. i accidentally cut myself too deep a few weeks ago. i've never felt so unstable and afraid in my life. i don't know how much worse this will get.

i don't know where to go from here. i don't have health insurance anymore. whenever i tell the one person i trust, my sister, she tells me to "just go to therapy and start meds, find a new job, go for a walk." i haven't told anyone else because i cannot take any more rejection & feeling like they don't care.

i feel lost and trapped. i don't know if i'm venting or looking for someone to tell me what they would do if they were me and they wanted to try to get better.

 

[Why Me?]

Are you in the US? If you need health insurance get medicaid as soon as possible, it's free. Then you can go to the hospital. You may have to go regardless if this gets worse. Maybe you need treatment and to be monitored for a couple of days, and a diagnosis. You don't want to lose total control, and be left having to pick up the pieces. I've had manic episodes in the past due to trauma, and it made things worse. I recommend hospital, because it seems like your scared and you don't know what to expect from your condition. If you do admit yourself to a hospital, make sure it's a good one. I don't know what other advice I can give you, I understand how you feel when you say lost and trapped, because I've been feeling the same way.

 

[ilikepink]

Are you in the US? If you need health insurance get medicaid as soon as possible, it's free. Then you can go to the hospital. You may have to go regardless if this gets worse. Maybe you need treatment and to be monitored for a couple of days, and a diagnosis. You don't want you to lose total control, and be left having to pick up the pieces. I've had manic episodes in the past due to trauma, and it made things worse. I recommend hospital, because it seems like your scared and you don't know what to expect from your condition. If you do admit yourself to a hospital, make sure it's a good one. I don't know what other advice I can give you, I understand how you feel when you say lost and trapped, because I've been feeling the same way.

yes i'm in the us. i'm not sure if i would qualify for medicaid but i will try. i have a low-income clinic near my home.

i figured i might have to go to the hospital again if i feel worse because of suicidal thoughts and self-harm urges. i was in a psych ward for a 72-hour hold when i was 14 and i experienced medical abuse (left in the isolation room for most of it, not given sanitary products for my period, predatory psychiatrist) so i've been hesitant to go. i'm not sure how to advocate for myself and make sure i get the care i need.

 

[Lullaby]

yes i'm in the us. i'm not sure if i would qualify for medicaid but i will try. i have a low-income clinic near my home.

i figured i might have to go to the hospital again if i feel worse because of suicidal thoughts and self-harm urges. i was in a psych ward for a 72-hour hold when i was 14 and i experienced medical abuse (left in the isolation room for most of it, not given sanitary products for my period, predatory psychiatrist) so i've been hesitant to go. i'm not sure how to advocate for myself and make sure i get the care i need.

I'm 27 and I've been in treatment since I was 12/13? I know the ins and outs of all of this at this point, and I'll try to write up some resources for you.

I've been in therapy for years, I've been in out-patient group programs, etc. and I've never had to pay for any of it since I grew up dirt poor (hell, I'm still dirt poor). I second trying to get on Medicaid, but I can help out as much as I can from my end.

I struggle mentally on my own, but I volunteer as a peer counselor to help others with stuff like this.

 

[ilikepink]

I'm 27 and I've been in treatment since I was 12/13? I know the ins and outs of all of this at this point, and I'll try to write up some resources for you.

I've been in therapy for years, I've been in out-patient group programs, etc. and I've never had to pay for any of it since I grew up dirt poor (hell, I'm still dirt poor). I second trying to get on Medicaid, but I can help out as much as I can from my end.

I struggle mentally on my own, but I volunteer as a peer counselor to help others with stuff like this.

thank you so much, that would be great.