Venting made to feel worthless

[sadstuffie]

hi, so im sure if you've seen my other post you will think im very stupid right now, but im sorry im running out of options.
She is my only support. She told me she would be here tonight because she knows im possibly ctb in 4 days....but she literally just called me & said she won't be here the whole night like she said she would. She apparently suddenly has to go see her family at 3 in the morning. im just tired of the excuses.
Looking back, i remember every single time i was deeply upset or thought about attempting, she would literally leave the house even when we were still together.
Am i that worthless? What kind of person leaves their s/o to kill themselves??
Once, i literally had just cut up my legs & she was helping me stop the bleeding, but in the middle of this she got a text from her friend saying that she got into a fight with her boyfriend & she immediately got up & left me there bleeding.
i literally can't even make this up. Why did i deserve all this to happen to me?
There were even times recently where she went to go help a friend of her's who was feeling a tiny bit suicidal & left me all alone knowing i was feeling the same way. She left me to just do it so many times.
Why was i treated like this?
Maybe im meant to die.
Sorry long post. this is only a fraction of the abuse I've been put through. all the bad things she's done to me would be worth a

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My intent is not to be condescending, certainly not in regard to your wanting to CTB, but, in your post, you highlight a few times where you were attempting CTB, and she was there for you, only to leave for a number of different reasons. Could it be now, and for the last few attempts, that because there were other numerous attempts in the past, none of which resulted in an actual CTB by you, that she sees your attempts now as just a cry for attention, like the "Cry Wolf" story? Honestly, I have no idea. Just putting it out there.

 

[lonelygirl111]

your not worthless. maybe she feels overwhelmed or unequipped to help you and leaves because she cannot handle it? but regardless you do not deserve to feel alone especially in this state of mind. i don't see how someone has to leave at 3 in the morning, or leave after u cut urself to help a friend w a breakup, or any of the excuses. i think she's hurting you at a time that you need love and support and it is extremely cruel to do so. and to be honest it seems as if she doesn't really take you serious. im sorry that your in pain.

 

[toasterbath]

i'm sorry you're being treated that way. i also agree maybe she gets overwhelmed during times of crisis and does not know how to handle the situation so she just flees. have you tried to communicate how this makes you feel to her? i hope you know that you are worthy and deserving of love and care.

 

[sadstuffie]

i'm sorry you're being treated that way. i also agree maybe she gets overwhelmed during times of crisis and does not know how to handle the situation so she just flees. have you tried to communicate how this makes you feel to her? i hope you know that you are worthy and deserving of love and care.

but it doesn't make sense. how can she get overwhelmed with me, but then she has went to go help her other suicidal friends?

 

[Idkaho2]

but it doesn't make sense. how can she get overwhelmed with me, but then she has went to go help her other suicidal friends?

Because as your first post illustrates you've threatened multiple times before, it makes total sense that she could be overwhelmed with you in particular. People don't have infinite empathy and patience.
This doesn't seem like abuse in the slightest, to be honest you just seem selfish

 

[Pluto]

I've experienced a version of this. My friends got used to me talking about the same desperate situation over and over until it became normalised, as if fighting to survive was just a regular part of my personality. Hence, being in a very troubled state did not ring any alarm bells as everybody except me was desensitised to it. That's got to be the worst part about situations that seem to have no solution and drag on for years.

 

[makethepainstop]

There is always some little darling, (friend or family), who will happily make you feel bad. I have often thought that these people enjoy finding fault with others when none really exists.

hi, so im sure if you've seen my other post you will think im very stupid right now, but im sorry im running out of options.
She is my only support. She told me she would be here tonight because she knows im possibly ctb in 4 days....but she literally just called me & said she won't be here the whole night like she said she would. She apparently suddenly has to go see her family at 3 in the morning. im just tired of the excuses.
Looking back, i remember every single time i was deeply upset or thought about attempting, she would literally leave the house even when we were still together.
Am i that worthless? What kind of person leaves their s/o to kill themselves??
Once, i literally had just cut up my legs & she was helping me stop the bleeding, but in the middle of this she got a text from her friend saying that she got into a fight with her boyfriend & she immediately got up & left me there bleeding.
i literally can't even make this up. Why did i deserve all this to happen to me?
There were even times recently where she went to go help a friend of her's who was feeling a tiny bit suicidal & left me all alone knowing i was feeling the same way. She left me to just do it so many times.
Why was i treated like this?
Maybe im meant to die.
Sorry long post. this is only a fraction of the abuse I've been put through. all the bad things she's done to me would be worth a

 

[hatehypocrisy]

Go find someone who loves you more.

 

[FuneralCry]

Often people can be unreliable and disappointing. It's simply the way that people are. It must be a difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry that you suffer like this.

 

[sadstuffie]

im going to be honest, some of the responses to this thread have almost pushed me closer to the edge. i can't look here anymore. you don't know my life & what has happened to me. im sorry if i upset you by venting about my experience.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I've experienced a version of this. My friends got used to me talking about the same desperate situation over and over until it became normalised, as if fighting to survive was just a regular part of my personality. Hence, being in a very troubled state did not ring any alarm bells as everybody except me was desensitised to it. That's got to be the worst part about situations that seem to have no solution and drag on for years.

Phew. This seems awful... and familiar. It really stinks.

@sadstuffie , I agree that you are deserving of love and care. This behavior sounds as though it would be hurtful for almost anyone, and I hope there is a way for you to find some loving support elsewhere (although I know it is difficult to find these days).