Discussion lying to avoid making a person feel bad.

[VIBRITANNIA]

so, when people say "give me your honest opinion", it usually means "tell me what i want to hear".

for example, when you get a haircut and ask for people's opinions on it. more often than not, people don't actually want people's real opinions on it. they just want compliments, which isn't inherently a bad thing. we all want to be liked to some degree. humans are social creatures, after all.

people promote honesty as a trait everybody should have, and yet, if you tell them such a simple thing as "i don't like it" (referring to the aforementioned haircut), they get mad. it's hypocritical (just like everything else in our society).

this is sort of a ramble, but i'm mainly posting this to ask if you'd rather people lie to you or tell you the truth. personally, i'd rather someone tell me the truth. letting me know how you truly feel is far more helpful than lying to me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

For me it depends. I'd rather people tell me the truth about anything regarding myself. I don't want people to have to pretend to be nice around me and I wish more of them would just admit to how terrible I am.

On the other hand, I'm better off not knowing about terrible things about people I actually do care about. I don't care how horrible THEY are but I just get so down when people I once admired turn out to be terrible or have done terrible things.

 

[leiche]

if the thing i want to say won't hurt a person, i'll say it. if it will, i'll just say nothing, that's what i always do and want others to do

 

[whywere]

I have always shot from the hip. When someone asks me something like:"what do you think of x?" I already know most of the time the answer that they are looking for. I will then ask a follow up question like:" do you really want to know?", yes it kinda gives the answer away, but still give them a out. All my life I have dislike when someone smiles at me patting my on the shoulder with one hand and a knife in he other, this is just a saying by the way. I have had too many employers who have burned me so many different ways with a smile one day and you are let go the very next day, that for me tell me the truth, especially if I ask it.

 

[Stavrogin]

I'd rather be told the truth because I'm quite the masochist at times; the truth hurts.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'd prefer someone's honesty. You can tell a harsh truth with a bit of tact and respect - I've had a couple of people do this for me and I'm grateful for their thoughtfulness and...er, integrity? Not sure which word to use.

 

[sighingspider]

A wise boy once said, "Always praise the barber no matter what. He is the one who holds the razor." -Calvin

 

[almost_dead]

so, when people say "give me your honest opinion", it usually means "tell me what i want to hear".

for example, when you get a haircut and ask for people's opinions on it. more often than not, people don't actually want people's real opinions on it. they just want compliments, which isn't inherently a bad thing. we all want to be liked to some degree. humans are social creatures, after all.

people promote honesty as a trait everybody should have, and yet, if you tell them such a simple thing as "i don't like it" (referring to the aforementioned haircut), they get mad. it's hypocritical (just like everything else in our society).

this is sort of a ramble, but i'm mainly posting this to ask if you'd rather people lie to you or tell you the truth. personally, i'd rather someone tell me the truth. letting me know how you truly feel is far more helpful than lying to me.

YES YOUR MAJESTY !

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

There's only one incident I can recall as an adult that I lied to make someone feel better, and I felt coerced into doing it. Similar to what the OP said, she didn't want my opinion, she wanted me to agree.

My closest friend had bone-straight hair and was envious of my curly hair. She got a perm and looked like a poodle, it was really tight and awful. She was so proud. She said, "Now it looks like yours, doesn't it?!" I swallowed what I really wanted to say and what I really felt about it, rearranged my face to a close approximation of happy agreement and said, "Uh-huh!" I never mentioned her perm again, and I don't recall that she ever asked me to praise it again, she just went about being happy and satisfied, and considering that she was stuck with it, it seemed for the best, hence the lie. She clung really tight to her envy and to her illusion, and was not open to being disabused of her illusion. Later, though, I came to see how that was how she functioned, wanting those close to her to reinforce her illusions, which she was quite in love with and defensive of, often putting people on the spot like that and making them responsible for maintaining her illusioned happiness. Disagreement guaranteed toxic reactions, not openness, awareness and growth. I eventually ended my friendship with her and felt grateful to be freed of that bad responsibility.

I still feel yucky over this memory, almost 30 years later!

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I would rather get the truth but I understand the importance of lying when it comes to not destroying your entire social life over small stupid things

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

people are always nasty to me so i don't care but if I paid a shrink I would want the truth.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I feel like a contradiction because personally I'd always like to know the truth, regardless if it hurts or not.. BUT, on the flip side, I have told lies to people in order to protect their feelings and not to hurt them.

 

[agentgeez]

Honestly, I have little need to lie in terms of opinions, since it's rare I have strong feelings one way or the other, especially when it comes to something like someone else's appearance. As for me, I don't really mind if someone tells me the truth or a lie, what I want more is a variety of opinions. It doesn't matter if someone believes what they're saying to me, what matters is what they're actually saying, because then it's up to me to decide if it makes sense or not. After all, someone telling the truth doesn't mean their opinion is the be-all-end-all. I just want to make sure I haven't 'missed' anything when considering something. I probably should be mad that they're hiding their true thoughts from me, but honestly I understand the need to lie sometimes; you pretty much need to fit in socially to survive in society, and if you happen to have opinions that would destroy your social life, I don't think you're obligated to shoot yourself in the foot by proclaiming your opinions to the world.

 

[ritsulover]

truth 100%. lies only cause confusion later on. i can take the pain, its okay

 

[SnowWhite]

I always prefer to be told the truth, even though I've lied to people to avoid hurting them.
Kinda hypocritical, but it's hard when you're the one that has to tell somebody something that will break them.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

I'd rather have the harsh truth than a sweet lie. But hey, to each their own.

 

[Grav]

I go for the truth. When I'm asking something I want an actual answer to process something. When asked, I give the truth but it took me until 19 to get to that point (long story) and seeing that lying didn't do much good whereas truth spoken without malice is usually taken well. My wife knows not to ask the "does this make me look fat" type of questions unless she wants my actual answer. I find that even kids can handle the truth when it's done with caring. Of course I did do the Santa trickery complete with eaten carrots for the reindeer and notes from Santa.

 

[Soul]

Telling people things just because they're true is usually a terrible idea. That guy thing of cheating and then confessing and then protesting "but I was honest about it!" - that's pure immature selfish thoughtlessness.

 

[woxihuanni]

Since all the truth tht I can be told is that I must die today rather than tomorrow, lies is OK.