Discussion lying about having a terminal illness

[february in alaska]

And okay, yeah, I wouldn't blame anyone for immediately leaving a scathing chastisement in the replies, because I know exactly how fucked up this sounds.

Obviously it's not super realistic either. Family and friends have ways to verify these things, and a coroner is obviously going to mark a CTB death as such. But I mean it in the context of online friends, and honestly I've seriously considered lying to some of my closest online friends and telling them I've got a terminal diagnosis that I just want to be private about. Ultimately I decided I didn't want to lie about something like that and have it resting on me before I go, but it still feels like it would've been so much easier for everyone.

Like, think about it. If your online friends think you're dying of a terminal illness, they'll have more time to process things, to say their goodbyes while you're still around, and hopefully won't feel any guilt in the aftermath. They won't try to stop you or talk you out of it, because in their minds, it's inevitable. And on the flip side, you can let them know a timeline so it won't come as so much of a shock. Both of you can prepare a bit more. Even just the ability to talk to them about how you feel without worrying them. I don't know. I know it would be more complicated if they pressed for details or medical proof but at least for my online friends, I know they wouldn't. In my eyes it seems like such a lighter way to let them know and process it as something that was no one's fault.

I know someone who CTB and if they had died from something like cancer instead, it would've saved me an enormous amount of guilt and self-blame and the pure shock of how unexpected it all was. I hate the idea that I'm doing the same to other people... but I also understand that from an ethical standpoint, lying about having a terminal illness is pretty universally considered in the wrong, no matter how much pain you think you're saving others

 

[ipmanwc0]

I think it's totally ok to do this

 

[inanotherlife]

hey wanna dm? I have a terminal illness and am going to cbt but I tell everyone I just have a countdown for my death. which isn't a lie just self inflicted.

 

[consider]

I think you are a kind person who care for friends so much.
Maybe it's not very relevant, but I read a Reddit post about people were ghosted after they told their friends they have cancer. It's very hard to predict how your friends would react when you share that you have cancer. I'm afraid you might also need to prepare for this kind of thing if you decide to do this way.
TIL that 65% of cancer survivors surveyed by war on cancer said that they had been ghosted by friends or family after their diagnosis.
PS I didn't read the article though, I only read the comments on this post.

Edit: sorry for my misunderstanding, I found out you didn't decide to do this.

 

[february in alaska]

I think you are a kind person who care for friends so much.
Maybe it's not very relevant, but I read a Reddit post about people were ghosted after they told their friends they have cancer. It's very hard to predict how your friends would react when you share that you have cancer. I'm afraid you might also need to prepare for this kind of thing if you decide to do this way.
TIL that 65% of cancer survivors surveyed by war on cancer said that they had been ghosted by friends or family after their diagnosis.
PS I didn't read the article though, I only read the comments on this post.

Edit: sorry for my misunderstanding, I found out you didn't decide to do this.

Its okay, I appreciate the info! And also wow, that is so depressing and makes me incredibly sad and angry to hear, to have loneliness on top of all of that sounds like a nightmare. My heart genuinely goes out to anyone suffering from anything terminal, even though I obviously come from the strange position of wanting to die. It's one of the reasons I'm so reluctant to lie about having a terminal illness myself. It almost feels disrespectful to use it as an excuse for a decision I'm consciously making myself when so many other people don't have a choice

hey wanna dm? I have a terminal illness and am going to cbt but I tell everyone I just have a countdown for my death. which isn't a lie just self inflicted.

We have dm'd before but I am always down y'know! I think you have a really interesting perspective, reading through the first post you sent me hit hard. Since terminal illness is potentially a way into assisted suicide/euthanasia and the more publicly accepted idea of the right-to-die cause I feel like you of all people shouldn't have to DIY your CTB plan?? Like seriously

 

[ImpishIndulgence]

Not to deviate from the thread but I"d like to add that suicidality is a terminal illness in itself, just not an accepted one.

 

[february in alaska]

Not to deviate from the thread but I"d like to add that suicidality is a terminal illness in itself, just not an accepted one.

See this is an interesting concept to me because I've wondered the same. I think the logical counterargument is that being suicidal isn't a terminal illness-- even if you have complete conviction there's always a chance of it going wrong, someone stopping you, saving your life, etc. And obviously there are some people who are genuinely suicidal but somehow decide not to for one reason or another.

I think the main issue is there is so much blame placed on the suicidal individual. Like, oh, you did this to yourself. You could have chosen to keep going but you didn't. You had a fucked up brain and there's nothing to be done. I feel like society cares so much about making people not suicidal instead of fixing the reasons people are suicidal in the first place. I dunno. Maybe in some cases it really is terminal in the sense that nothing will ever stop the person from trying. I just see it as a (pretty valid) choice.

 

[avaruus]

I think it would be a bad idea, if your friends would find out that you lied to them. I'd imagne they would feel that their emotions were toyed with, especially because most people view suicide as selfish. I don't know if you know what i mean.
But whatever you decide, i wish you the best, hugs <3