Venting Lying about being happy

[Lux]

Everyone who knows me, thinks I'm very happy with my current life situation. I just smile and laugh a bit while around people, but when I get home, I just collapse into my chair or bed and listen to music and often cry. It's like I'm a different person around people, but It's all just a lie, and it just feels... I don't know a word for it... it feels weird, in a way.

Every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I just respond with "fine I guess" and then that's that question out of the way.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, that I just lie to everyone. I mean, the good thing is that I don't have to have lenghty conversations about myself with people. But the bad thing is, I feel kind of guilty for lying to everyone and then no one knows how I actually feel.

Like the tag suggests, I just needed to vent some more.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'm sorry you feel the need to behave like that.

I used to be like that too, especially at work. I would copy other people's behaviour to fit in and pretend to be okay. Thing is, I think people can often subconsciously tell if it's fake.

Nowadays I try to be more expressive of how I feel. I cry when I'm sad, laugh when I'm happy and swear when I'm angry. But I guess that's the problem, if you are always down...

Do you have times when you can be honest about how you feel? Do you have times when you feel okay too?

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

don't feel obligated to answer the question i'm about to ask. why do you feel the need to lie to people?

is it because you feel like a burden if you're anything but "fine" or "happy"? or is it because you don't feel as if you can confide in anyone?

 

[Lux]

I'm sorry you feel the need to behave like that.

I used to be like that too, especially at work. I would copy other people's behaviour to fit in and pretend to be okay. Thing is, I think people can often subconsciously tell if it's fake.

Nowadays I try to be more expressive of how I feel. I cry when I'm sad, laugh when I'm happy and swear when I'm angry. But I guess that's the problem, if you are always down...

Do you have times when you can be honest about how you feel? Do you have times when you feel okay too?

Yes, I have times when I could be honest about how I feel, but I just don't want the focus of the conversation to be me. I have been honest with a couple friends in the past and they immediately started asking questions on how they can help, etc.

And yeah, sometimes I actually feel "fine". Somewhat rare, but I like those moments.

don't feel obligated to answer the question i'm about to ask. why do you feel the need to lie to people?

is it because you feel like a burden if you're anything but "fine" or "happy"? or is it because you don't feel as if you can confide in anyone?

I lie, because I don't want them to worry about me. It just feels wrong to lay my problems on other peoples shoulders. So yeah it feels like I'm a burden to other people if I'm anything but "fine".

I currently have a couple friends who I could trust, but I've only told my true feelings to one and she started offering help but I just couldn't take it. I don't know why. I just turned her help down and continued with my day.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

what kind of help do your friends offer? emotional support or something similar?

 

[Lux]

what kind of help do your friends offer? emotional support or something similar?

Emotional or something like that, I guess? The one current friend who knows about my situation just said that she wanted to help but I just said there's no need, because I don't know how she could even help. That may have been a mistake, but I was so down that I just didn't feel like talking.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

you could always ask for them to distract you, since talking doesn't seem like a good option for you.

 

[greebo6]

Everyone who knows me, thinks I'm very happy with my current life situation. I just smile and laugh a bit while around people, but when I get home, I just collapse into my chair or bed and listen to music and often cry. It's like I'm a different person around people, but It's all just a lie, and it just feels... I don't know a word for it... it feels weird, in a way.

Every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I just respond with "fine I guess" and then that's that question out of the way.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, that I just lie to everyone. I mean, the good thing is that I don't have to have lenghty conversations about myself with people. But the bad thing is, I feel kind of guilty for lying to everyone and then no one knows how I actually feel.

Like the tag suggests, I just needed to vent some more.

That's so so common with depression . So many people feel and do exactly same thing. Its okay , you are not the only one .