Venting Loving life and wanting to die for loneliness

[Eren]

I don't really hate life, it may even seem fascinating to me, but I really hate being alone, I really hate not being able to make friends or not having a partner to share my life with.

I have (surely permanent) mobility problems in some fingers, I have severe insomnia, which destroys me, and still loneliness is the only thing that bothers me enough to want CTB. I went to the psychiatrist and he said that It's very possibly Asperger (I still have to be tested) I hate "living" like this.

 

[woxihuanni]

Similar here, I find loneliness the most difficult thing life can throw at one.

 

[VabeniPokojneTmy]

Do you have any pets? I certainly do not want to say pets can replace human contact, but they always helped me in moments of loneliness. Though losing them is worst shit ever.
Hope you get better :)

 

[Eren]

Do you have any pets? I certainly do not want to say pets can replace human contact, but they always helped me in moments of loneliness. Though losing them is worst shit ever.
Hope you get better :)

I do not have, but as you say, they cannot replace human contact

 

[SpottedPanda]

At the moment I'm in the privileged position to live with family, so loneliness doesn't really come up.

However, usually I'm very isolated, barely seeing anyone as the days pass.

I'm somewhat incapable of appreciating any bonds I do make, as there's little chance it's my own merit that got me there.

I am isolated, but a lot of that is due to my nature/personality, and even in good company I feel distant.

 

[bornfree]

you might find a therapist who will give you examples of those who are like you who go on to have friends. By "those like you" the therapist may talk about examples of those who have a diagnostic label such as Aspergers Syndrome or might actually understand you like you are an individual. In the UK there are also befriending services.

This is if you really want to have friends of course. I have found it is safer to be alone and protected. I see i have the enemies who won't fight for my death and who betray my humanity. Perhaps i am being cruel but it is a product of the sadistic cruelty i face. The monsters they actually think their sadistic cruelty is care so once i needed to die for no more pain then now it's no more pain and no more people.

I have had the monsters who are mental health professionals and other monsters label me with a wide diversity of labels such as Aspergers and multiple personality disorder and bipolar and schizoaffective and addictions and many more. These labels and the paradigm behind these labels have only helped the monsters to completely betray my humanity.

i hope you are nothing like me or they'll hurt and harm and make you want to die and torture you without limit.

 

[Iamamistake]

Do you have any pets? I certainly do not want to say pets can replace human contact, but they always helped me in moments of loneliness. Though losing them is worst shit ever.
Hope you get better :)

Pets do decrease help in loneliness no matter what! I was recently making a list of reasons about whether I should CTB or not, and my pet bunny happened to be one of the only two reasons I can of for not going on with it.

I don't really hate life, it may even seem fascinating to me, but I really hate being alone, I really hate not being able to make friends or not having a partner to share my life with.

I have (surely permanent) mobility problems in some fingers, I have severe insomnia, which destroys me, and still loneliness is the only thing that bothers me enough to want CTB. I went to the psychiatrist and he said that It's very possibly Asperger (I still have to be tested) I hate "living" like this.

It's so on point! In fact, I'd love to live and travel the world or read more books, I k that's nerdy, but I love books so much! or do other amazing things, but a dysfunctional family and no friends is enough to let me make up my mind. Good luck with whatever you do decide to do next be it therapy and other things (I do exactly have idea about this, so fingers crossed that I ain't saying anything hurtful) or be it CTB.

 

[VabeniPokojneTmy]

Pets do decrease help in loneliness no matter what! I was recently making a list of reasons about whether I should CTB or not, and my pet bunny happened to be one of the only two reasons I can of for not going on with it.

I don't think it does not help with loneliness, but surely buying a pet isn't a good idea if you are going to ctb soon.

 

[Iamamistake]

I don't think it does not help with loneliness, but surely buying a pet isn't a good idea if you are going to ctb soon.

I didn't adopt her recently. And I do agree that getting a pet when planning to ctb is a bad idea! I just hope that my rabbit lives a good, long life after I ctb, so yeah getting attached to an animal before this is just not ideal.

 

[Eren]

I don't think it does not help with loneliness, but surely buying a pet isn't a good idea if you are going to ctb soon.

Exactly

you might find a therapist who will give you examples of those who are like you who go on to have friends. By "those like you" the therapist may talk about examples of those who have a diagnostic label such as Aspergers Syndrome or might actually understand you like you are an individual. In the UK there are also befriending services.

This is if you really want to have friends of course. I have found it is safer to be alone and protected. I see i have the enemies who won't fight for my death and who betray my humanity. Perhaps i am being cruel but it is a product of the sadistic cruelty i face. The monsters they actually think their sadistic cruelty is care so once i needed to die for no more pain then now it's no more pain and no more people.

I have had the monsters who are mental health professionals and other monsters label me with a wide diversity of labels such as Aspergers and multiple personality disorder and bipolar and schizoaffective and addictions and many more. These labels and the paradigm behind these labels have only helped the monsters to completely betray my humanity.

i hope you are nothing like me or they'll hurt and harm and make you want to die and torture you without limit.

I am sorry that you have had such a bad experience, in my case the label helps me to better understand why I have always been like this.

 

[Cashewmilk]

The thing about loneliness is that most people are backstabbing, using, manipulative and selfish creatures. In relationships you get someone who cheats and lies, uses you, is emotionally abusive etc. Same thing with friendships, you could have the bestest friend who you pour out your heart to, but it never lasts... they'll use it against you one day. Most friendships are fake, especially mature long lasting ones. When you're young it's different but once you hit 30, most of your friends have more important things like their own families, spouses and children. And in those little families, there is so much stress and pressure, if you're a woman with a husband I would bet money that he has eyes on other women (if I was rich lol). I mean if that's what you truly want, then by all means try it for yourself. It's really all about luck and your priorities.

Would you rather make friends or start a relationship and then get severely hurt by them? There is a high chance of it. There are many members here who strictly want to ctb because they were badly hurt by someone. Most people are not nice, it's hard and at times impossible to find your other half... I think loneliness and independence is far better than being used and abused by someone else.

 

[Eren]

The thing about loneliness is that most people are backstabbing, using, manipulative and selfish creatures. In relationships you get someone who cheats and lies, uses you, is emotionally abusive etc. Same thing with friendships, you could have the bestest friend who you pour out your heart to, but it never lasts... they'll use it against you one day. Most friendships are fake, especially mature long lasting ones. When you're young it's different but once you hit 30, most of your friends have more important things like their own families, spouses and children. And in those little families, there is so much stress and pressure, if you're a woman with a husband I would bet money that he has eyes on other women (if I was rich lol). I mean if that's what you truly want, then by all means try it for yourself. It's really all about luck and your priorities.

Would you rather make friends or start a relationship and then get severely hurt by them? There is a high chance of it. There are many members here who strictly want to ctb because they were badly hurt by someone. Most people are not nice, it's hard and at times impossible to find your other half... I think loneliness and independence is far better than being used and abused by someone else.

I know what you mean, but I want to believe that not everyone is like that, and even then, I think it's worth it, I at least feel terrible being alone.

 

[VabeniPokojneTmy]

I know what you mean, but I want to believe that not everyone is like that, and even then, I think it's worth it, I at least feel terrible being alone.

In all my life I met only one person who almost gave all my love I gave to her back. We never had anything physical in our relationship (except hugs and so) but I think I loved and still love her even though this love changed a lot through the years. She tends to bind herself to unreliable people and it hurts her a lot but she doesn't want to see it (because of idealising everything).
But I never pittied this relationship (unlike I did others) and I think there are pople, who won't dissappoint you. But it's just one person from all the people I met...

 

[dyingtodie]

My cat helps me tremendously in combating loneliness, isolation, and alienation and yet still I'm desperate to leave this lonely life as it is so constantly pain filled. I don't expect to find people to have honest authentic relationships with because I've already tried my best and failed, mostly b/c it did not seem to be in the realm of possibility.

I adopted my cat on 10/9 to give me a reason to live, and she helped immensely. I had a month where suicidal feelings lifted. Then 2-3 months in hell. Then 2-3 of the best months of my life, and now I'm back in hell...and wondering why I adopted this damned cat that keeps me tethered to this lonely place.

 

[Bct]

While having a pet is nice, taking care of it need some learning curve if someone is not used to it. I had considered to pet a cat but my lifestyle (now my money too) doesn't allow it.

 

[bornfree]

Exactly



I am sorry that you have had such a bad experience, in my case the label helps me to better understand why I have always been like this.

Those labelled as having Aspergers might be more honest and brutally honest. This is tragic that this trait of being open and honest can lead to social exclusion. A therapist might help you lie better to be normal and have more friends. The'll teach you to find ways to say things positively and make people feel better about themselves by you not speaking openly and honestly. Like saying "i love what you are wearing it is so creative" when what you really think is "a blind man would dress better than you do". Lie to boost their ego than tell the truth and harm their ego is one way to be liked by those who are normal and average.

It's one thing to be genuine and a positive person who naturally always finds the good in others. Such individuals won't be as likely to face social exclusion. I assume such individuals are rare and everyone else has to fake it to fit in and not be alone.

I remember reading about a software testing company that hired those labelled with autism because they are better at testing software than average individuals. It was a place without the sort of politics that happen in organisations full of average individuals. From what i understand of the label those who are labelled as autistic (Aspergers is a lesser form of autism if memory serves me) are more honest and take honesty better than average individuals whereas average individuals get their feelings hurt by the truth. There's value in your difference. The value in your difference doesn't help with your suicidal loneliness though.

I say "average individuals" because that's how psychiatric research works. You are different from average individuals and that's how their science works by comparing those with Aspergers with the average. However their labels then deem you to be defective not different. There's an inherent negative sense in psychiatric labels. The vast majority of psychiatric research does nothing to seek to find the good in those who different like you are so i see it as a prejudice system.

Let me get off my soapbox...

You might find being interested in average individuals and learning about them as individuals helps you. Show interest in an average individual to learn about them it can be an attractive quality because some people love to talk about themselves. Then you remember important details about them and they like you even more.

Find something you are interested in and really get into it. Then you might find online communities and friends who are passionate about what you are interested in. This is a way to connect with people. Having a hobby or two is a great way to meet people and you start with connecting with them about the hobby or interest. From there you can build friendships. Again you might want to lie when you disagree with something or someone's opinion so you won't face social exclusion.

Or find mental health orientated communities. In England there's Elefriends for example. They might be better at handling your differences as you will be better at handling their differences. They might be more likely to treat you as an individual and as an equal.

Elefriends

Elefriends is a supportive online community where you can be yourself. We all know what it’s like to struggle sometimes, but now there’s a safe place to listen, share and be heard.

www.elefriends.org.uk

Or find something you are brilliant at. Some people are attracted to those who excel at something. If you excel at something then friends will come to you and forgive your eccentricities. This is a long term approach and i know you need a quick solution otherwise you wouldn't be suicidal.

Once you get your label confirmed you might also find others like you on Facebook. Connect with Aspergers groups and organisations. Add friends from those who post or post yourself in reply to posts from individuals, groups, organisations and campaigns for those labelled with Aspergers. You have an icebreaker which is commonality.

If it doesn't hurt your confidence to be rejected then you can try connecting with lots of individuals. Someone i thought was a friend always had bad luck with women when i knew him at university. He learned pickup techniques and he tried them out on lots of women. His techniques worked on a few women then he got better at it. I couldn't handle rejection like he could. What I am saying is you can try connecting with lots of individuals and if you can handle the rejection then you will find friends by trial and error. If only 10% of individuals have the capability to treat you as an individual and an equal then you try 100 times and you get 10 friends but if you only try 9 times you might not have any friends. I had like almost 3000 friends on Facebook at one point but i got like 50 "happy birthday" comments on my birthday. This was back when i thought i had anyone who cares about me like a friend would.

Sometimes reading quotes can help you find wisdom to help you.

Loneliness Quotes - BrainyQuote

Explore 303 Loneliness Quotes by authors including Maya Angelou, C. S. Lewis, and Henry Rollins at BrainyQuote.

www.brainyquote.com

or

Friendship Quotes - BrainyQuote

Explore 895 Friendship Quotes by authors including Helen Keller, Khalil Gibran, and Thomas Aquinas at BrainyQuote.

www.brainyquote.com

You can hope you will not always be as alone as you are now if this is why you feeling suicidal.

PS
If you have the will please support the legalisation of assisted suicide. I ask for this little thing for me.

 

[Eren]

Those labelled as having Aspergers might be more honest and brutally honest. This is tragic that this trait of being open and honest can lead to social exclusion. A therapist might help you lie better to be normal and have more friends. The'll teach you to find ways to say things positively and make people feel better about themselves by you not speaking openly and honestly. Like saying "i love what you are wearing it is so creative" when what you really think is "a blind man would dress better than you do". Lie to boost their ego than tell the truth and harm their ego is one way to be liked by those who are normal and average.

It's one thing to be genuine and a positive person who naturally always finds the good in others. Such individuals won't be as likely to face social exclusion. I assume such individuals are rare and everyone else has to fake it to fit in and not be alone.

I remember reading about a software testing company that hired those labelled with autism because they are better at testing software than average individuals. It was a place without the sort of politics that happen in organisations full of average individuals. From what i understand of the label those who are labelled as autistic (Aspergers is a lesser form of autism if memory serves me) are more honest and take honesty better than average individuals whereas average individuals get their feelings hurt by the truth. There's value in your difference. The value in your difference doesn't help with your suicidal loneliness though.

I say "average individuals" because that's how psychiatric research works. You are different from average individuals and that's how their science works by comparing those with Aspergers with the average. However their labels then deem you to be defective not different. There's an inherent negative sense in psychiatric labels. The vast majority of psychiatric research does nothing to seek to find the good in those who different like you are so i see it as a prejudice system.

Let me get off my soapbox...

You might find being interested in average individuals and learning about them as individuals helps you. Show interest in an average individual to learn about them it can be an attractive quality because some people love to talk about themselves. Then you remember important details about them and they like you even more.

Find something you are interested in and really get into it. Then you might find online communities and friends who are passionate about what you are interested in. This is a way to connect with people. Having a hobby or two is a great way to meet people and you start with connecting with them about the hobby or interest. From there you can build friendships. Again you might want to lie when you disagree with something or someone's opinion so you won't face social exclusion.

Or find mental health orientated communities. In England there's Elefriends for example. They might be better at handling your differences as you will be better at handling their differences. They might be more likely to treat you as an individual and as an equal.

Elefriends

Elefriends is a supportive online community where you can be yourself. We all know what it’s like to struggle sometimes, but now there’s a safe place to listen, share and be heard.

www.elefriends.org.uk

Or find something you are brilliant at. Some people are attracted to those who excel at something. If you excel at something then friends will come to you and forgive your eccentricities. This is a long term approach and i know you need a quick solution otherwise you wouldn't be suicidal.

Once you get your label confirmed you might also find others like you on Facebook. Connect with Aspergers groups and organisations. Add friends from those who post or post yourself in reply to posts from individuals, groups, organisations and campaigns for those labelled with Aspergers. You have an icebreaker which is commonality.

If it doesn't hurt your confidence to be rejected then you can try connecting with lots of individuals. Someone i thought was a friend always had bad luck with women when i knew him at university. He learned pickup techniques and he tried them out on lots of women. His techniques worked on a few women then he got better at it. I couldn't handle rejection like he could. What I am saying is you can try connecting with lots of individuals and if you can handle the rejection then you will find friends by trial and error. If only 10% of individuals have the capability to treat you as an individual and an equal then you try 100 times and you get 10 friends but if you only try 9 times you might not have any friends. I had like almost 3000 friends on Facebook at one point but i got like 50 "happy birthday" comments on my birthday. This was back when i thought i had anyone who cares about me like a friend would.

Sometimes reading quotes can help you find wisdom to help you.

Loneliness Quotes - BrainyQuote

Explore 303 Loneliness Quotes by authors including Maya Angelou, C. S. Lewis, and Henry Rollins at BrainyQuote.

www.brainyquote.com

or

Friendship Quotes - BrainyQuote

Explore 895 Friendship Quotes by authors including Helen Keller, Khalil Gibran, and Thomas Aquinas at BrainyQuote.

www.brainyquote.com

You can hope you will not always be as alone as you are now if this is why you feeling suicidal.

PS
If you have the will please support the legalisation of assisted suicide. I ask for this little thing for me.

First, thanks for the help.

But I have already done everything possible to make friends, and it is impossible for me, even in groups where the majority are Aspergers, I notice that with other people Asperger is much easier for me, but still I cannot make friends. I am 25 years old, I have done everything possible and I really hate being like that, it not only affects the social issue.

I also hate that everyone knows that I am not like the others, it's very visible that I am not like the others, even my mother has told me once, that I am "weird"

I also have certain sexual problems that prevent me from having a partner, which further aggravates my loneliness and generates brutal frustration for me. (This is not related to the Asperger, but it is related to loneliness).

All these are not my only reasons for CTB, but they are really the ones that bother me the most, I know I sound negative, but I don't think I can change them, I have been trying to be happy like this for years, and I can't.

 

[bornfree]

First, thanks for the help.

But I have already done everything possible to make friends, and it is impossible for me, even in groups where the majority are Aspergers, I notice that with other people Asperger is much easier for me, but still I cannot make friends. I am 25 years old, I have done everything possible and I really hate being like that, it not only affects the social issue.

I also hate that everyone knows that I am not like the others, it's very visible that I am not like the others, even my mother has told me once, that I am "weird"

I also have certain sexual problems that prevent me from having a partner, which further aggravates my loneliness and generates brutal frustration for me. (This is not related to the Asperger, but it is related to loneliness).

All these are not my only reasons for CTB, but they are really the ones that bother me the most, I know I sound negative, but I don't think I can change them, I have been trying to be happy like this for years, and I can't.

i understand your hopelessness. You can't meet your needs for a life worth living. You don't seem negative. You seem sane and reasonable. You use the information of your personal experiences and life experience.

 

[Eren]

i understand your hopelessness. You can't meet your needs for a life worth living. You don't seem negative. You seem sane and reasonable. You use the information of your personal experiences and life experience.

Thanks you.

 

[bornfree]

i feel betrayed b everyone and by the human race who just want every opportunity to make me want to die. I also find that being alone helps reduce these opportunities but nothing will stop them when I'm a slave to human cruelty and evil.

My cat helps me tremendously in combating loneliness, isolation, and alienation and yet still I'm desperate to leave this lonely life as it is so constantly pain filled. I don't expect to find people to have honest authentic relationships with because I've already tried my best and failed, mostly b/c it did not seem to be in the realm of possibility.

I adopted my cat on 10/9 to give me a reason to live, and she helped immensely. I had a month where suicidal feelings lifted. Then 2-3 months in hell. Then 2-3 of the best months of my life, and now I'm back in hell...and wondering why I adopted this damned cat that keeps me tethered to this lonely place.

i am blessed by having a cat. She's the only thing that makes me feel blessed and lucky. She's the best being on this planet. She's the proof i can be loved.