serah
Student
- May 6, 2020
- 177
This is just a huge vent post. I just really need to let it out. I've been in love with my bestfriend for several years. I was fine just loving her from afar, but I made the stupid decision to confess. She was taken aback and told me she needed some time to think about it. Days later she ends up rejecting me officially, tells me she doesn't think she can see me in that was and that apparently it is her fault not mine. She says she didn't hate the thought of being more than friends but it just isn't the time and she's not ready. She mentioned how it feels like I don't open up to her and that I hide things from her. All was fine, bit of a dent in our friendship but we managed. Then, months after she mentions how part of her was interested in me, at first I didn't believe her but she made it seem like she did have feelings for me. We never did anything, I mostly flirted with her and one time held her hand, we're both inexperienced and in the closet. But I was fine with it, and she made sure to let me understand she wasn't entirely ready to date. After a couple of months I suggest just staying friends, and she got mad at me. To me it felt like she really did have feelings for me and that's why it hurt her for me to suggest that. Yesterday I asked her to be honest with me about how she feels. I opened up to her about how I truly did love her just for her to end up telling me she wouldn't want to date me. Fuck. I just feel like a pathetic loser that got lead on so fucking hard. Relapsed again and just feel like utter shit now. 2022 is looking like a fun year.