Venting love is making me crazy

[jellie]

he is my ex. we have started dating again but we aren't officially girlfriend and boyfriend. regardless i am in love with him hopelessly. if he doesn't text me I feel like I am going crazy. when he is mad at me I feel like my world is collapsing and I want to just lay down and die. today he hasn't texted me and cancelled plans we had for lunch. he is sending me memes and shit on instagram but he hasn't actually texted me anything. I feel like such a crazy person because WHO CARES. all of the shit I freak out over seems so meaningless when I think about it and it makes me fucking crazy that I act like this.

he is usually very sweet to me but yesterday I started to realize that it's all just an act and he doesn't really like me for who i am that much. but then again this could be my anxious attachment talking and he likes me perfectly fine? I don't want to ask for affirmation because I don't want to come across as clingy and annoying. i know he finds me annoying.

we usually have sex almost every time we meet. but after i had an outbreak of an std that HE GAVE ME, he hasn't had sex with me and only does things that are pleasurable to him. I am fully free of the symptoms so the only reason I can think of that we haven't had sex like normal is that he finds me gross. EVEN THOUGH HE GAVE IT TO ME.

he doesn't hold my hand in public but he's so loving and caring when we are alone. it makes me think it is all an act that he is putting on. I don't even know what to think anymore because he is so perfect a lot of the time, but some of the things he does makes me feel so shitty.

i just want him to love me and I want to feel secure in this relationship. even if i wanted to move on, I don't think that I could. I am so helplessly in love with him that it makes me crazy.

 

[Wehmut]

That seems like a bad situation to be trapped in. Obviously I dont have a deep insight into your relationship/situationship but it seems to me that you should break up with him and break contact with him as it all kinda sounds toxic to me. I see this as another example why falling in love can the be the worst things that can happen to one.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

If you're on this specific forum on SaSu, it might not be the ideal time for you to be in a relationship. I know it's tough. Love is so effective at clouding judgement, but try to your hardest to suspend all feelings induced by thinking about him and assess the situation as realistically as possible.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Relationship breakup is why I am going to kill myself. So I get it. I cannot and will not move on.

 

[Meditation guide]

he is my ex. we have started dating again but we aren't officially girlfriend and boyfriend. regardless i am in love with him hopelessly. if he doesn't text me I feel like I am going crazy. when he is mad at me I feel like my world is collapsing and I want to just lay down and die. today he hasn't texted me and cancelled plans we had for lunch. he is sending me memes and shit on instagram but he hasn't actually texted me anything. I feel like such a crazy person because WHO CARES. all of the shit I freak out over seems so meaningless when I think about it and it makes me fucking crazy that I act like this.

he is usually very sweet to me but yesterday I started to realize that it's all just an act and he doesn't really like me for who i am that much. but then again this could be my anxious attachment talking and he likes me perfectly fine? I don't want to ask for affirmation because I don't want to come across as clingy and annoying. i know he finds me annoying.

we usually have sex almost every time we meet. but after i had an outbreak of an std that HE GAVE ME, he hasn't had sex with me and only does things that are pleasurable to him. I am fully free of the symptoms so the only reason I can think of that we haven't had sex like normal is that he finds me gross. EVEN THOUGH HE GAVE IT TO ME.

he doesn't hold my hand in public but he's so loving and caring when we are alone. it makes me think it is all an act that he is putting on. I don't even know what to think anymore because he is so perfect a lot of the time, but some of the things he does makes me feel so shitty.

i just want him to love me and I want to feel secure in this relationship. even if i wanted to move on, I don't think that I could. I am so helplessly in love with him that it makes me crazy.

I'm sympathetic but some day you will look back at him and think omg what was wrong with me, he gave me an std and I still wanted him and loved him. You will realize he wasn't all that. You will have the scales fall from your eyes and see him for the person he is.

It is 100% better to have someone feel about you that way, than someone you feel that way about.

Does he know he was the one who gave you the std? You should be mad at him.

 

[daydreams]

Doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to me, love is complex tbh, and the human psychology is messed up, that's why many people are attached to the narcissistic manipulative type, love is just hormones and neurotransmitters, it's a torture and misery for most of people , and it does not last forever.
I can't tell you to just forget him because you obviously can't, but try to understand that love is just pointless chemical reactions that scam us

 

[R_N]

Working as intended.