Love and Companionship

[Liebestod]

This is different type of post for me, I've only ever fell in love with one person but the feelings weren't reciprocated. I curse the human genome everyday for making companionship a necessity, it's addictive, it's cruel. Life is suffering yet when I was around her I felt purpose for the first time in an inherently meaningless existence. There was a quote from Elliot Rodger and I know he's very disliked but I think it's fitting and it's a quote I like, "Starvation of food tortures the body, starvation from love and sex tortures the mind and body." I see life as being treacherous in every way even with love and companionship because they're just placeholders to make your suffering mean something but it's the only thing that can give me meaning. My starvation from one person's affection is what led me here in the first place. I thought of suicide before I knew her but it wasn't until after I met her that I really started thinking about this because it unwrapped my perception of reality. I don't know if I would even consider suicide if things ended up differently between us although I would still believe life is suffering but it would actually mean something. I would be more deluded because that's exactly what love does, fog your vision, distort your reality. I believe love between partners is built on sexual and personal attraction, not one without the other. So many people just don't want to be in constant starvation, they can't face loneliness, so they get into relationships even if it isn't there. This is why I believe only certain people can be truly loved by their partner, both needs need to be fulfilled. At the end of the day the brain does this to all of us because of hormonal and chemical reactions that repeat as a result of evolution, I curse nature for it. Why me? Knowing I can never have it. And no I'm not going to try with another person, I will only ever want this one person. I try to think of alternatives but she's always in the back of my mind like she cast a spell in the limbic part of my brain. Unable to ever leave, I can't get over this.