Lost

[Reaper Occult]

Idk where to start. The past few years I lost faith, trust, willingness to even soicilize. I cutt every1 out. Last yearis when it got extremely hard to hide it. When i showd up to morning pt formation I'd held my emotions in. When my roommate went TDY I took cyinade. had the note done. Him andd his gf walked in right as i started seizing. It shocked my unit. I never show'd it. I didnt want to face the reality. I was ready to leave. After the inpatient i cancled all the appointments. Very few people knew about it. I seriouly was thankful. That was really hard telling my parents about that. There really all i got. Speed it up beggining of this year the 1 person i confied in was done. i didnt realize why it I ended up eatting 25 caster beans. And yes i chewed them. Very painful threw up blood. I peed blood. I truely do not want to hurt my parents. I've debated how to stage it. to leave a note or not. I'm exhausted cant sleep. dont really eat much. I'm getting S N. later today. just reflectinglife