Lost meaning

[Dima2]

Greetings all,

new guy here 23 y , i am a bad writer , i will try to make this readable as much as possible.

don't know where to start , simply i never felt happy, i never liked who i am , i get bored extremely easily , had sever depression for almost 2 years.

My relationship is crumbling down (the main reason i am here) , i really can't live without her , i am not religious but she made me believe in soul mates, i never been happy but she gave meaning to my life , i lost it now.



I found out about this place days ago and people here are truly amazing , i ordered my sn and going to ctb within 3 weeks, i will document my journey , now i just want to talk with people and share my thoughts before i leave

thx for your time

 

[Marauder]

Greetings all,

new guy here 23 y , i am a bad writer , i will try to make this readable as much as possible.

don't know where to start , simply i never felt happy, i never liked who i am , i get bored extremely easily , had sever depression for almost 2 years.

My relationship is crumbling down (the main reason i am here) , i really can't live without her , i am not religious but she made me believe in soul mates, i never been happy but she gave meaning to my life , i lost it now.



I found out about this place days ago and people here are truly amazing , i ordered my sn and going to ctb within 3 weeks, i will document my journey , now i just want to talk with people and share my thoughts before i leave

thx for your time

Exactly same here. Although Im 24 y. I know we have belonged to ech other and I cant forgive myself that I fuck it up so bad. It is just my fault she left me.
After brake up I bought a gun for CTB as most effective method. But its really hard to pull the trigger. Maybe less "violent" method would help me to overcome SI.
How are you going?

 

[Dima2]

Exactly same here. Although Im 24 y. I know we have belonged to ech other and I cant forgive myself that I fuck it up so bad. It is just my fault she left me.
After brake up I bought a gun for CTB as most effective method. But its really hard to pull the trigger. Maybe less "violent" method would help me to overcome SI.
How are you going?

Hey there !
I was planning on catching the bus in late Aug using SN , unfortunately it got trapped in the customs waiting to be released (hope it passes eventually),
My heart aches every night , I can't live without her , every song we listened every street we walked together, everything reminds me of her, unbearable pain,

i went to live in a coastal city by the sea and tbh watching the sunset and smelling the breeze elevates me ,hell i feel i speak with the sea i share my thought and feeling there , the sea really listens,

still the first 10 min of my day hits my with intense emotions every morning, still suicidal, depressed, trapped without the SN
At least i am more peaceful here

 

[Emily_Numb]

I think you've just experienced your first broken heart. It's so not worth ending your life over. Love gets so much deeper and better as you get older. The intimacy and profound love you can create as you age becomes immense. I Promise you this

 

[AprilsBlessings]

My relationship is crumbling down (the main reason i am here) , i really can't live without her , i am not religious but she made me believe in soul mates, i never been happy but she gave meaning to my life , i lost it now.

I feel you sm, I felt that with my ex best friend, she was literally my everything, i don't have a regular family and she was like a family to me, the family that i always asked for, after years of friendship she left and i still don't know why, i even started to ask myself if she really loved me and if our friendship meant something to her or not.

However since she left me life seems meaningless, i lost my faith and my trust in everyone else which made it even worse.

I'm so sorry for what you lost, one thing is for sure; your sadness means you loved her purely and that's such a rare thing these days, it's a great loss for her too, to lose such a sincere, true heart.

you deserve way much better.

and if you think there's still a chance for recovering then please try to recover.

 

[Dima2]

I feel you sm, I felt that with my ex best friend, she was literally my everything, i don't have a regular family and she was like a family to me, the family that i always asked for, after years of friendship she left and i still don't know why, i even started to ask myself if she really loved me and if our friendship meant something to her or not.

However since she left me life seems meaningless, i lost my faith and my trust in everyone else which made it even worse.

I'm so sorry for what you lost, one thing is for sure; your sadness means you loved her purely and that's such a rare thing these days, it's a great loss for her too, to lose such a sincere, true heart.

you deserve way much better.

and if you think there's still a chance for recovering then please try to recover.

I really value love , intimacy , friendship , true connection with loved ones ,

people would say time heals and you get over her , but what if I don't want to , i mean this way of thinking makes me feel like we are just numbers, biological robots ,nothing special or with inherent value, everyone is just replaceable

 

[nitroautnz]

I really value love , intimacy , friendship , true connection with loved ones ,

people would say time heals and you get over her , but what if I don't want to , i mean this way of thinking makes me feel like we are just numbers, biological robots ,nothing special or with inherent value, everyone is just replaceable

I know what you feel, the only person that i truly love and I was the most myself I have ever been with anyone, she broke up after 4years, its been a year since and its still feel like it was this morning. Its a terrible feeling to be have.
I wont say do or don't do it, it's you decision. i personally won't do it just because of that (i have more problem on top of that).
When you will have in your hand the SN you will already see a difference if you really ready or not yet. Not need to rush it since you will be able to do it whenever you want to.

Did the breakup happen recently ?

 

[AprilsBlessings]

I really value love , intimacy , friendship , true connection with loved ones ,

people would say time heals and you get over her , but what if I don't want to , i mean this way of thinking makes me feel like we are just numbers, biological robots ,nothing special or with inherent value, everyone is just replaceable

Yes and what people don't know is time doesn't heal losing pure true love, i mean my ex best friend left me 3 years ago and
it still feels like it happened yesterday.

and yes sometimes i don't even want to get over her because, she's the only thing that makes me believe in true pure love in this messed up world.

unfortunately this world is filled with biological robots, i feel like they lose their valuation for these things (love and friendship..etc) as they grow up, and even though i felt pure love seeing people like that make me ask myself if love really exist.

it's great to see people who didn't lose their valuation to these things, i'm really sorry that life didn't treat you fairly.

 

[Dima2]

I know what you feel, the only person that i truly love and I was the most myself I have ever been with anyone, she broke up after 4years, its been a year since and its still feel like it was this morning. Its a terrible feeling to be have.
I wont say do or don't do it, it's you decision. i personally won't do it just because of that (i have more problem on top of that).
When you will have in your hand the SN you will already see a difference if you really ready or not yet. Not need to rush it since you will be able to do it whenever you want to.

Did the breakup happen recently ?

Yes, just recently,
It's the worst feeling ever,
even if I don't act with the SN , i am just too tired of life,

Thing is i had a negative outlook on life and tried to give it meaning to negate the nihilism,
Now some sort of domino effect is initiated, i ask myself why bother working , trying ,fighting life's unreasonable misery when no one cares and nothing has a meaning anyway,
I can't comprehend how a pretty sunset exit calming waves yet life seems to be plain ugly beneath