BrokenAngel8
I'm so lonely, broken angel
- Nov 7, 2019
- 58
The Only Choice for A NEET Like Me
Today, I learnt a new terms on the internet. NEET. Acronym for "Not in Education, Employment, nor Training". Basically a hikkikomori, or people-with-no-life, whatever you might have been familiar with. Day to day life is basically a running cycle without any proper meaning or goals. Most are surviving, barely, by relying on social welfare or close family member to pay basic needs.
It is heart wrenching, but it is so real. So real, because I have been a living proof for quite a while now. The helplessness is so strong, some doesn't even have any friends anymore simply because everyone else would have something else more important going on in their life. Then we would feel like an outcast. Or did we outcast ourself, I didn't know better at this point.
"Why don't you do something to earn for youself? Menial jobs? Heck, even illegal jobs? There should be something you could do. Anything. A N Y T H I N G."
If only you knew....how many years I have believed that myself. That there would be a way out. That I would be able to do something. That one day, my mind would be sane enough to hold onto a job I recently quit because I become crazy. That my body would cope and not acting out, pushing me to take too many days off and makes them lay me off eventually. I wish I had the resources to even resell the smallest thing but I have trouble just to buy my own medicines. I wish I had the laptop, or even a proper phone that doesn't freeze every few minutes so that I could take any freelance job. You know, as if someone would ever acknowledge I had slightest skill I can offer to people.
I had dreams. I still do, sometimes, vaguely, in one of my rare good mood days. Sometimes I spend hours on youtube feeling inspired. Be it make up, music, art, history, or true crime. At some point in my life I really wanted to make some make up tutorial videos. But then even a drugstore foundation costs me a fortune. And I have nothing to record a good quality video. Let alone a laptop to edit afterwards.
I also really want to give sculpting a try, yet again, not enough resources. Everytime I try to apply for a full time job, my physical condition worsen. I have unexplained allergic that would cause flare up on my skin, and also triggers bronchitis. Allergic reaction varies from both air quality, foods, chemical products, and overall mental condition. I couldn't even have a proper complete diagnose because such tests would be too costly. Not that anyone care about it either. After all, they say it is all just in my head, huh?
People hardly understand something unless they have been there. For so many people, choices is too much of a privilage. For a lot of NEET like me, sometimes taking the last bus is the only choice left.
Today, I learnt a new terms on the internet. NEET. Acronym for "Not in Education, Employment, nor Training". Basically a hikkikomori, or people-with-no-life, whatever you might have been familiar with. Day to day life is basically a running cycle without any proper meaning or goals. Most are surviving, barely, by relying on social welfare or close family member to pay basic needs.
It is heart wrenching, but it is so real. So real, because I have been a living proof for quite a while now. The helplessness is so strong, some doesn't even have any friends anymore simply because everyone else would have something else more important going on in their life. Then we would feel like an outcast. Or did we outcast ourself, I didn't know better at this point.
"Why don't you do something to earn for youself? Menial jobs? Heck, even illegal jobs? There should be something you could do. Anything. A N Y T H I N G."
If only you knew....how many years I have believed that myself. That there would be a way out. That I would be able to do something. That one day, my mind would be sane enough to hold onto a job I recently quit because I become crazy. That my body would cope and not acting out, pushing me to take too many days off and makes them lay me off eventually. I wish I had the resources to even resell the smallest thing but I have trouble just to buy my own medicines. I wish I had the laptop, or even a proper phone that doesn't freeze every few minutes so that I could take any freelance job. You know, as if someone would ever acknowledge I had slightest skill I can offer to people.
I had dreams. I still do, sometimes, vaguely, in one of my rare good mood days. Sometimes I spend hours on youtube feeling inspired. Be it make up, music, art, history, or true crime. At some point in my life I really wanted to make some make up tutorial videos. But then even a drugstore foundation costs me a fortune. And I have nothing to record a good quality video. Let alone a laptop to edit afterwards.
I also really want to give sculpting a try, yet again, not enough resources. Everytime I try to apply for a full time job, my physical condition worsen. I have unexplained allergic that would cause flare up on my skin, and also triggers bronchitis. Allergic reaction varies from both air quality, foods, chemical products, and overall mental condition. I couldn't even have a proper complete diagnose because such tests would be too costly. Not that anyone care about it either. After all, they say it is all just in my head, huh?
People hardly understand something unless they have been there. For so many people, choices is too much of a privilage. For a lot of NEET like me, sometimes taking the last bus is the only choice left.
