Help Losing virginity

[Luchs]

So, I've been dating this girl for half a year now and things are getting kind of heated. She'll be coming over to my place tomorrow and implicated that she wants to have sex. Since it is her first time too she is really excited for it.

Sounds nice on paper, here comes the obligatory problem. I don't really know if I am ready for it. It just seems like a very big deal to me and I'm not so much into pre-marital sex, but I don't know how to tell her. She wants it, she is excited for it and I am too, on a physical level, but I just don't know if I really want to do it.

Any advice on what to do is appreciated.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

If you want to do it, try to relax, get in a good mood. One suggestion would be for you or for both of you to smoke some cannabis, – it can intensify pleasure and feelings of intimacy greatly and it also makes you last longer. But I also understand why you would want to be sober for your first time.

Really hard to give advice on this though. Are you staying celibate for religious reasons?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I would say to gently tell her that you both need to be ready, that it's not a rejection, and that honest communication and both wanting the experience will lead to a positive experience. If you're not aligned, it's not going to turn out well for one or both, the opposite of the ultimate goal of genuine intimacy. You already respect her, but you have to also respect yourself, and feel equally respected and valued as you are.

 

[Luchs]

If you want to do it, try to relax, get in a good mood. One suggestion would be for you or for both of you to smoke some cannabis, – it can intensify pleasure and feelings of intimacy greatly and it also makes you last longer. But I also understand why you would want to be sober for your first time.

Really hard to give advice on this though. Are you staying celibate for religious reasons?

I don't really know. I'm in that kind of semi-religious limbo between faith and non believe. I just don't know if I'm ready.

Also thanks for the tip, but due to corona shutdown I really can't get any cannabis.

I would say to gently tell her that you both need to be ready, that it's not a rejection, and that honest communication and both wanting the experience will lead to a positive experience. If you're not aligned, it's not going to turn out well for one or both, the opposite of the ultimate goal of genuine intimacy. You already respect her, but you have to also respect yourself, and feel equally respected and valued as you are.

If I had self worth and reslect I wouldn't be in here, but thanks anyways. :)

 

[Arrow]

I don't really know. I'm in that kind of semi-religious limbo between faith and non believe. I just don't know if I'm ready.

well then i guess this is the ultimate moment of truth then. will you lie with the girl you love, or will you be obedient to what you were told? quite a jam you've got yourself in. ordinarily i'd say there's nothing to worry about and that you should just do it, i'm not religious at all. but if you are then i'm not sure what to say!

 

[Good4Nothing]

I'd go for it. You might lose her if you don't.
I can't count how many girls ditched me when I was young because I bought into that religious bullshit.
If she doesn't get sex from you, she'll get it from someone else.
Plus, you're both virgins - you think you're in love now, wait until you've bonded over sex!
I envy you - I wish my first time had been with someone I loved and who loved me.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I couldn't disagree more with @Good4Nothing. Don't have sex just because you might lose her, that's utter BS! If she cares about you and you aren't ready then she'll respect that and wait until you are. If she doesn't want to wait and ditches you the she wasn't worth it in the first place.

I don't understand how if you don't want to have sex out of marriage because of religion you can be on a site about ctb - how do reconcile that with God but then that's just my understanding of religion.

Besides that, don't do it out of peer pressure, make sure it's what you both want. If you don't want to but you do it anyway and she finds out you didn't really want to that could taint her memory of her first time too.

 

[Luchs]

I couldn't disagree more with @Good4Nothing. Don't have sex just because you might lose her, that's utter BS! If she cares about you and you aren't ready then she'll respect that and wait until you are. If she doesn't want to wait and ditches you the she wasn't worth it in the first place.

I don't understand how if you don't want to have sex out of marriage because of religion you can be on a site about ctb - how do reconcile that with God but then that's just my understanding of religion.

Besides that, don't do it out of peer pressure, make sure it's what you both want. If you don't want to but you do it anyway and she finds out you didn't really want to that could taint her memory of her first time too.

It is quite complicated. On one side I want to, on the other I don't want to ctb. I have really heavy moodswings, one day I want to ctb, the other I feel great. My life is a complete and utter mess...

 

[4eyebiped]

The most important part of any relationship, and it is the part that us human seem to struggle with the most, is communication. A couple should feel free to openly, without fear, discuss and talk to each other about things that are important to them. Afterall, one of your biggest support systems should be each other. The more you hide from each other, the more it becomes a ticking bomb as the pressure builds and builds.

Women should respect a man's choice in this matter just as much as a man should respect a woman's choice. Don't be forced into it.

Also, don't feel you have to explain yourself on why you are not ready. But, if there is anything you wish to discuss about why you are not ready, like any anxiety issues, self-issues, stress and so forth, feel free to speak to us about that.

 

[terry_a_davis]

If you're having doubts then may be this is a sign you're not ready. Nerves with it being your 1st are normal so try not to let this stop you.
You've been dating 6 months? That's pretty long to not yet have sex, idk how old you are.
Just be careful you don't do, or do NOT do, something you later regret in life.
Some people never get the chance of having sex.

 

[coldeyes]

You seem a good guy. Do it, as a bad guy will still do it. It's best for her, it's you

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Just thinking of a different perspective...You can lose your virginity, or you can give it. Sounds like this is a situation of losing for you, rather than giving.