Losing touch with emotions

[Arcitect]

What does it feel like to lose touch with your emotions?

 

[livinginsorrow]

as someone with a 99% likelihood of bpd, i rarely feel my emotions, but i think the more and more times i got hurt and heartbroken, the more and more i detached emotionally. the only time i really feel anything is when i'm extremely angry or extremely sad. even in these situations i feel like i'm losing touch because it's so overwhelming and i have no control. i lash out and consistently think of dying. it's crippling. sometimes when i'm not excessively sad, i'm still numb but i'm crying. i can tell i'm sad but my chest is completely numb. i clearly struggle with emotional regulation but i think to me, this is what it feels like to lose touch with my emotions.

 

[Arcitect]

as someone with a 99% likelihood of bpd, i rarely feel my emotions, but i think the more and more times i got hurt and heartbroken, the more and more i detached emotionally. the only time i really feel anything is when i'm extremely angry or extremely sad. even in these situations i feel like i'm losing touch because it's so overwhelming and i have no control. i lash out and consistently think of dying. it's crippling. sometimes when i'm not excessively sad, i'm still numb but i'm crying. i can tell i'm sad but my chest is completely numb. i clearly struggle with emotional regulation but i think to me, this is what it feels like to lose touch with my emotions.

Thanks for the description. I think I might be losing touch with them too. There are times when I should be happy but I don't feel anything. I went to Yellowstone and saw the beautiful mountains. I heard my family saying how nice they looked but I didn't feel anything. I had to tell myself they were beautiful. There are times when I smile and act all happy subconsciously, but the moment the thing that's making me happy leaves I get sad. I stopped reacting to things. When I break something I know I should get angry or sad, but I'm more indifferent. I feel like I can't react as well anymore.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I suffer from Anhedonia, so emotions related to pleasure are virtually non - existent.
Also, I see no beauty in anything, everything looks grey.

 

[livinginsorrow]

Thanks for the description. I think I might be losing touch with them too. There are times when I should be happy but I don't feel anything. I went to Yellowstone and saw the beautiful mountains. I heard my family saying how nice they looked but I didn't feel anything. I had to tell myself they were beautiful. There are times when I smile and act all happy subconsciously, but the moment the thing that's making me happy leaves I get sad. I stopped reacting to things. When I break something I know I should get angry or sad, but I'm more indifferent. I feel like I can't react as well anymore.

hey,
i'm sorry you've started losing touch with them. did this start recently and do you think there's a reason to it? for me i think a lot of hurt has caused me to shut off. let me know if you ever want to talk :) i'm here for you <3

 

[Limerance]

Thanks for the description. I think I might be losing touch with them too. There are times when I should be happy but I don't feel anything. I went to Yellowstone and saw the beautiful mountains. I heard my family saying how nice they looked but I didn't feel anything. I had to tell myself they were beautiful. There are times when I smile and act all happy subconsciously, but the moment the thing that's making me happy leaves I get sad. I stopped reacting to things. When I break something I know I should get angry or sad, but I'm more indifferent. I feel like I can't react as well anymore.

I've been going though that exactly for a while now. It's been about a year since I stopped feeling anything positive, except for rare occasions.

And yes, that's a good description of anhedonia (positive emotions) or apathy (all emotion).

May I ask what triggered it? In my case, it was going sober.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I suffer from Anhedonia, so emotions related to pleasure are virtually non - existent.
Also, I see no beauty in anything, everything looks grey.

Same here, everything that used to give pleasure and excitement is none-existent. I can´t comprehend how people in their twenties still can feel excitement over the release of a new movie or video game despite them having depression, I even miss my depression in my late teens at least despite being sad I could feel excited over things I can´t anymore and haven´t been able to for about 9 years.

Also if you haven´t already I highly recommend checking out the South Park episode "Ass Burgers" it is a very accurate depiction of how it feels to suffer from apathy and anhedonia.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Same here, everything that used to give pleasure and excitement is none-existent. I can´t comprehend how people in their twenties still can feel excitement over the release of a new movie or video game despite them having depression, I even miss my depression in my late teens at least despite being sad I could feel excited over things I can´t anymore and haven´t been able to for about 9 years.

Also if you haven´t already I highly recommend checking out the South Park episode "Ass Burgers" it is a very accurate depiction of how it feels to suffer from apathy and anhedonia.

Yes, it's awful. I'm a long - time sufferer of depression too. I've been clinically depressed since age 7.
Been anhedonic for around 5years now, it never goes away.
I know what you mean about missing basic depression, and not being able to find even a small amount of excitement in things, or even having something to look forward to.
Anhedonia makes me feel dead inside.
I'll watch the south park episode, it may actually make me laugh, which will be a miracle these days.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yes, it's awful. I'm a long - time sufferer of depression too. I've been clinically depressed since age 7.
Been anhedonic for around 5years now, it never goes away.
I know what you mean about missing basic depression, and not being able to find even a small amount of excitement in things, or even having something to look forward to.
Anhedonia makes me feel dead inside.
I'll watch the south park episode, it may actually make me laugh, which will be a miracle these days.

That is so unfair that you have been depressed since you were 7 years old, the least the universe, god etc. could give everyone is a perfect childhood which I luckily got (not to rub anything in) you deserved at least the amazing happiness a child can experience I am sorry life robbed you of that.

That is actually pretty rare that you too miss depression no one ever understands when I say I miss it. So you too feel there can be a certain beauty in the sadness of depression? I certainly think there can be and there was for me in my teens while I still had my teenage hormones flooding through my body I especially miss the nostalgic days where it was sunny in particular doing season change like now from Summer to Fall, back at 16 I would feel this immense nostalgia; a feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time which nostalgia is i.e. sadness for missing those days you remember back on but happy for they happened it´s a beautiful melancholic feeling I really miss.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

That is so unfair that you have been depressed since you were 7 years old, the least the universe, god etc. could give everyone is a perfect childhood which I luckily got (not to rub anything in) you deserved at least the amazing happiness a child can experience I am sorry life robbed you of that.

That is actually pretty rare that you too miss depression no one ever understands when I say I miss it. So you too feel there can be a certain beauty in the sadness of depression? I certainly think there can be and there was for me in my teens while I still had my teenage hormones flooding through my body I especially miss the nostalgic days where it was sunny in particular doing season change like now from Summer to Fall, back at 16 I would feel this immense nostalgia; a feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time which nostalgia is i.e. sadness for missing those days you remember back on but happy for they happened it´s a beautiful melancholic feeling I really miss.

Yes I think some of the depression is a result of abuse by a narcissistic mother and paedophile stepfather. Yet I don't let it define me.
My biological Father was severely depressed, so I may have inherited his illness.
I'm glad you experienced a nice childhood, and can relate to that melancholic feeling and nostalgia.
I find a certain comfort in sadness , and things like storms on dark winter nights.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yes I think some of the depression is a result of abuse by a narcissistic mother and paedophile stepfather. Yet I don't let it define me.
My biological Father was severely depressed, so I may have inherited his illness.
I'm glad you experienced a nice childhood, and can relate to that melancholic feeling and nostalgia.
I find a certain comfort in sadness , and things like storms on dark winter nights.

I like that too I hate summer it is too damn bright and hot and frankly I hate seeing all the happy people out living life at its fullest with their friends while I rot for years on end. I love fall the weather and temperature is perfect for me I love the cold weather it´s refreshing and I love how beautiful nature is in fall with the colors I love winter too especially if there is a lot of snow it´s very nostalgic to me and I love how fresh the air is and how beautiful the landscape is covered in snow but unfortunately like all things in my life that has also gotten worse over the years we hardly get any snow anymore and if it falls enough for children to be able to play in it´s past December so kids don´t even experience a white Christmas anymore, back when I was a child the snow started falling in November and we always had snow all throughout December.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I like that too I hate summer it is too damn bright and hot and frankly I hate seeing all the happy people out living life at its fullest with their friends while I rot for years on end. I love fall the weather and temperature is perfect for me I love the cold weather it´s refreshing and I love how beautiful nature is in fall with the colors I love winter too especially if there is a lot of snow it´s very nostalgic to me and I love how fresh the air is and how beautiful the landscape is covered in snow but unfortunately like all things in my life that has also gotten worse over the years we hardly get any snow anymore and if it falls enough for children to be able to play in it´s past December so kids don´t even experience a white Christmas anymore, back when I was a child the snow started falling in November and we always had snow all throughout December.

So true. Summer is supposed to be the happiest season, yet I find it the most depressing and stressful one.
I have missed out on so much in life, and seeing people living a normal happy life just reminds me of the fact that I will never be like them.
I also hate hot weather and there are way too many people outside getting drunk and causing trouble ( I live in the city unfortunately ).
I love the snow and sometimes travel to the cairngorms in Scotland just a few hours north of my location when I'm not too ill. The winters up there are great for snow, yet we rarely see snowfall anymore in England.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

So true. Summer is supposed to be the happiest season, yet I find it the most depressing and stressful one.
I have missed out on so much in life, and seeing people living a normal happy life just reminds me of the fact that I will never be like them.
I also hate hot weather and there are way too many people outside getting drunk and causing trouble ( I live in the city unfortunately ).
I love the snow and sometimes travel to the cairngorms in Scotland just a few hours north of my location when I'm not too ill. The winters up there are great for snow, yet we rarely see snowfall anymore in England.

Same here and it only gets worse as I grow older, I am 29 so I know now it will still get worse both for my physical and mental health and by losing more people in life, now more and more people I know have gotten children which means you´re excluded from their life because they only have time for girlfriend/wife, job and child so you´ve been replaced. Summer is where I smell the charcoal from the barbeques which reminds me of those good memories from days so far gone they seem to have been from another life and also a reminder all these people are having barbeques with their friends having the time of their life making their memories only difference is the majority of these people will continue having happy lives following the tracks of life being content with it I did the same till I reached adulthood I don´t see the world as everyone else does, responsibilities and hard work isn´t life to me life was living in a carefree world of the wonderland that was childhood and even teenage years was fun enough despite depression because even though I suffered from that I still had my health, youth, friends, hobbies (no anhedonia) so life was still thrilling.

Nice you can at least have a little escape to enjoy the snow but still sad you have to travel to experience that instead of experiencing it at home like in the old days.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yes, people change and move on with life very quickly. Nothing ever stays the same, everything is transient.
I also don't have the same worldview as everyone else. It seems as though we are meant to follow a life script that has been written by the government: we are supposed to become wage-slaves, buy a house, get married and have kids.
Anyone who doesn't conform to this script is branded as an outcast, or weird in some cases.
I doubt I'll be going to the cairngorms again because I no longer have a car, and travelling there by public transport is a nightmare.
My mental health wouldn't allow me to go there anyway now, I have zero interest in anything anymore and very little motivation.

 

[Arcitect]

I've been going though that exactly for a while now. It's been about a year since I stopped feeling anything positive, except for rare occasions.

And yes, that's a good description of anhedonia (positive emotions) or apathy (all emotion).

May I ask what triggered it? In my case, it was going sober.

I think too many "traumatic" experiences and always being bullied / yelled at by the people closest to me may have caused it.

hey,
i'm sorry you've started losing touch with them. did this start recently and do you think there's a reason to it? for me i think a lot of hurt has caused me to shut off. let me know if you ever want to talk :) i'm here for you <3

Thanks, I think too many negative experiences may have caused it. I'm always being yelled at and bullied by those closest to me. Ever since I was young.

Same here, everything that used to give pleasure and excitement is none-existent. I can´t comprehend how people in their twenties still can feel excitement over the release of a new movie or video game despite them having depression, I even miss my depression in my late teens at least despite being sad I could feel excited over things I can´t anymore and haven´t been able to for about 9 years.

Also if you haven´t already I highly recommend checking out the South Park episode "Ass Burgers" it is a very accurate depiction of how it feels to suffer from apathy and anhedonia.

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll make sure to check out the episode.