Venting Losing someone to suicide

[Breadbfra]

(SS do be really looking neat now, finally)

I spent 13 days with my long distance girlfriend. It really feels like heaven when I'm with her, she's the most caring person on this planet, super sweet and cuddly. I love her to the moon and back, as I've never done with anyone else. I posted about her mother committing suicide in 2018. I started to date her in late 2019 and I repeatedly told her that I suffer from a strong depression, but somehow I managed it through K treatments before covid hit.
Everytime she comes home with me, she talks a little about her mother. She told me that she found her (she ctbd via hanging), how she suffered from major depression and OCD, basically she opened a lot. Everytime she talks about her I die on the inside thinking about ctb. She recovered pretty well (I am actually astonished by that, If I saw my mother hanging with a broken neck I'd ctb the day after), she only developed a bit of ossession towards cleaning, but she couldn't sleep in her house for a while, she became an drug user for a bit.
She's absoloutely terrified by the idea of me committing suicide, everytime I tell her I thought seriously about that she starts to cry and I can assure you - she never cries, nor EVEN when talking about her mother. Everytime I think about ctb I think about her and the pain I would give her - and my mother would die with me nonetheless.
Have you ever had someone close dying by suicide and make you rethink, or at least, think a bit about ctbing?

 

[Life_and_Death]

I have someone that's in kinda the same position as your gf. He was close with his uncle and then one day he ctb. And now he knows me...... Every day he's scared that I'm going to. I'm sure my better days help him a little but I still have some pretty bad days. What makes me really rethink about ctb is my little brothers..... I'd miss them so much and they wouldn't understand

 

[Lux]

Not sure if this is an answer you're looking for but here goes.

The first time (4 days ago) I told someone (a friend I made a couple months ago) that i wanted to ctb, she kind of freaked out and wanted to help me but I just told her that there's nothing really that she could do. She got kind of pissed and I haven't seen her since I told her but I'll see her again tomorrow and I'm not sure if she's gonna wanna talk about it and I don't really know what to tell her if she wants to.

And to answer your question about rethinking ctbing, I don't know. I'm not sure. Everything's just a mess and I can't even really see why she'd (my friend) be that sad because we don't even know each other that well.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I'm split on this.

I hope the people that truly care about me will get over it in time. I know they won't forget, but I hope they learn to live with it.

But the people that judged me, pulled me down and drove me to it?
I hope it hits at the absolute core of their very being!

Yes, I'm angry that I've been treated bad by various people.

 

[Denise2207]

A friend of mine cbt'd a few years ago, she had really bad depression and everything just fell apart for her. She didn't have a close relationship with her parents but they were still devastated by her passing. They still mourn her but have carried on with their lives as they know she is now at peace.

I have lovely talked about ctb with a Couple of people but have played it down somewhat so they don't hassle me all the time. I don't have a partner but can see why your girlfriend gets upset at the thought of losing you. On one hand it's good that you're being honest with her, but maybe she is wondering why she can't change your mind and you stay with her?

I do have to agree with @BipolarGuy. My family/friends will be devastated but hopefully they will continue with their lives and remember the good times we had. As for the ones who have fucked me over, I hope they burn in hell for all eternity.