Losing Friends

[porfin1234]

Anyone else seem to lose friends left and right?
Now that I no longer have my old life, and feel totally like an outsider compared to people around me more successful and sane, I feel absolutely alone
If anyone else wants someone to talk to like I do feel free to PM me. Lonely.

 

[mediocre]

I've never had any friends so I don't know what it's like to lose them but I know what it's like to alienate people. I've done it all my life that I've ended up being 27 with no skills, no job, no friends, no relationship and no future to look forward to.

 

[porfin1234]

I am curious what makes you say you alienate people?
Thank you for your post and for sharing.

 

[mediocre]

I am curious what makes you say you alienate people?
Thank you for your post and for sharing.

I mean at a certain age I just shut down completely. When I was a teenager I was going through so much that I had somewhat of a mental breakdown and just stopped communicating. I stopped going to school. I cut the few friends I had out of my life. Stopped talking to my cousin who I was close to... so I've been alone mostly the last 10+ years...

 

[Nem]

Anyone else seem to lose friends left and right?
Now that I no longer have my old life, and feel totally like an outsider compared to people around me more successful and sane, I feel absolutely alone
If anyone else wants someone to talk to like I do feel free to PM me. Lonely.

I understand completely, have lost a bunch of friends since I became ill and it's been just horrible
Peace/hugs

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I literally have no friends left. The last person I had (my ex) just gave up on me and left me to die basically. Even my online friends don't talk to me anymore. I'm not sure if my mental/physical issues or loneliness will cause me to ctb fist.

 

[PartingGlass]

I'm losing a lot of friends now, but it's intentional. They're all better than me and I can't take it so I'm just cutting them off. It's not their fault, I'm not mad at them but it still kills me to see how they've all surpassed me and left me behind while I'm still stuck here alone. They're probably better off without me dragging them down and being jealous anyways.

 

[mathieu]

I alienated some friends, others just abandoned me. I'm very alone now.

 

[Nnana]

I lost my last friends when I was 15 years old when I left school because of bullying. Since then, I can't approach new people, I'm terrified of people, I can't trust people as I see them all as potential bullies. I've been friendless for 13 years now.

 

[Flume]

I can't trust anyone with my thoughts about death.... that means I can't be honest. Which means that there's no point to having friends or a relationship anymore. I just feel like an alien in a human body no matter what, existing but not living.

 

[JustAnotherSuicider]

I lost all off my friends long time ago. One of them just stabbed me in the back, other just forgot about me when she found a boyfriend, and she was like sister to me, I know her for 16 years and she just abandon me. And recently my girlfriend just dumped me by messenger, she didn't even had courage to end this face to face, I wasn't worth her time I gues. And just a week eriel she was telling me that she love me. She was the only thing that was keeping me alive. I love her very much, I can't live without her. I thought that she understand me, that she is my soulmate. How wrong I was man, it all was just an ilusiion. She know I am suicidal and emocional unsable, and yet she decidated to end this in brutal way. I just can't trust anyone, anymore. There are no truth in this world, only lies. Everyone will eventually abandon you. Right now all I have is my only interent friend with I can talk about suicide and he understand me, don't try to stop me with stupid sentenses like "Life is beutiful, don't do this" or "You have someone to life for".

 

[1DayItWillBover]

Dont need any friends in this world but fucking shit i am very lonely. If i just had that one person in my life

 

[porfin1234]

Thank you all for sharing.
im here to chat if anyone wants.
I was pretty loved last year when I was fun and had my shit together although I was still a drama queen
Now I've screwed my life so bad I'm staying away because it's painful to see how much better they are than me granted I'm happy for them. i have one friend that's tried helping me and knows about all my crap but she's also super triggering because she feels like she tries to mom me or is nosy.
She means well and I've been abusive. She finally stopped talking to me.
You know, all my life I've had issues with interpersonal relationships. Jealousy. Feeling like an outsider. Taking things personally etc etc. always feeling like I don't belong. Like an outcast. I once wrote a letter to a kid at school saying that and he said to me he doesn't think I'm an outcast.

I think I've done it to myself more than anything. Honestly.for some reason I've had thesebeliefs, and by having those beliefs, I have made them into my own reality. Because of my insecurities I have been abusive etc. but I had simply loved myself, and just been myself and not worried about "I don't fit in" or taking offense to nothing, I wouldn't have alienated people. Funny how that works. We create our reality.
I wish I had realized this sooner.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah, I have experienced this many times throughout my life. It also wouldn't be the last time that I will have this experience. People really come and go in life, sometimes one may meet some new people and then sooner or later, they just disappeared (ghosted, moved on, deleted, or whatever). This is also part of my reasons or at least a factor in my wanting to CTB. At some point in my life, I just can't take this anymore. While I can't control how others will act, react, think, or anything, I can control how long I am willing to endure this cycle and I am certainly not going to endure it for many years or decades to come.

One such case I could think of is that I lost contact with a childhood friend of 20+ years, just a few years ago. He moved on with life, moved to another state and also lead a different life from me and as time goes on, me and him drifted further and further apart, until we are worlds apart. He isn't the main reason or cause for me wanting to CTB, but it is nonetheless, an extra reason/factor for it.

 

[StillWaiting]

Lost all my friends because I am always talking about negative things or they have no time to deal with someone like me.
I wish to make new friends but sometimes it gets tiring to hold a conversation or knowing that people will eventually ditch you because you are always talking about negative things makes me think twice when I want to make friends.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I lost almost all my friends through my own choice by deliberately pushing them away. Sometimes I find it really overwhelming having friends who want to meet and talk constantly. Just melts my already melted brain. Do I miss my friends? Of course. I hope they're doing well and being successful, but they're better off without me. I feel I only bring people down anyway.

 

[Moonicide]

I've lost many friendships due to my Bipolar before getting into treatment. But since time has gone by I am able to reflect without being in pain and realize that I wasn't 100% responsible for it ending, how they also had things to work on. How it wasn't entirely my fault. And sometimes we just grow out of people or we're at different points in our lives / recovery... I do have friends now, but do I have a best friend? No. Haven't had one in a bit. I wish I had that stable connection.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I lost my best friend and sister of 8 years but I guess the truth is that she lost me. I was just looking at photos of us back in high school whilst trying not to cry. Why did she have to ruin my life for some guy she met years after?! She was my everything. I'm so ready to fucking die

 

[Midnight]

Yes... left,right and center. My social life has been a trainwreck. I honestly don't know how i can keep on getting worse in life. How much more will it take for this godforsaken brain to give up. 2 decades of this shit and still no end. I've lost contact with so many people the last two years... I can't even describe how i'm feeling anymore.

 

[pole]

never had a problem with friends, pretty much had them all my life and fit in really well. college came though, and everyone just started doing their own thing. and this past year, i lost close friends and haven't heard from them or others i was really close with. sucks cause you take those relationships for granted, but when you finally loose all of that, you realize how much it helped keep you afloat and alive.

loneliness is terrible, especially for an extrovert who's isolating themselves, cause isolation is what makes me 100000 times worse.

 

[jgm63]

I'm losing a lot of friends now, but it's intentional. They're all better than me and I can't take it so I'm just cutting them off. It's not their fault, I'm not mad at them but it still kills me to see how they've all surpassed me and left me behind while I'm still stuck here alone. They're probably better off without me dragging them down and being jealous anyways.

That's a mature outlook. You may not believe it but you might be spiritually ahead of them. In their next life they might go through what you are going through now. Perhaps life, or the spirit, is teaching you surrender. But I know how hard that is for us to accept as humans, so I understand if you can't accept the idea of what I'm saying.....

 

[BabyYoda]

I have no desire to make new friends or have a close relationship, romantic or non romantic. There is a limit to what I can deal with and I feel that since I've surpassed it I have to avoid certain things.

 

[BlessedOffal]

That's a mature outlook. You may not believe it but you might be spiritually ahead of them. In their next life they might go through what you are going through now. Perhaps life, or the spirit, is teaching you surrender. But I know how hard that is for us to accept as humans, so I understand if you can't accept the idea of what I'm saying.....

I know this wasn't meant for me. But it speaks to me.

I'm losing a lot of friends now, but it's intentional. They're all better than me and I can't take it so I'm just cutting them off. It's not their fault, I'm not mad at them but it still kills me to see how they've all surpassed me and left me behind while I'm still stuck here alone. They're probably better off without me dragging them down and being jealous anyways.

You put my subconscious actions into words. All I'm thinking is a big fat meeee tooooo (shit)

 

[NotGoneButNotHere]

I've always been quiet and antisocial so having friends has never been common for me. I have a couple close friends that I've known for ages but since my life took the turn that it did I've felt pretty disconnected. Whether I'm around them or not I feel trapped in my own head so it doesn't really make a difference for me.

 

[justanotherday]

I am in the worst place in my life that I have ever been. I have lost my nice apartment and possessions, ect... my mental and emotional state are horrid. I have found that people who I thought were my " friends" have left me. It is like they kick me when I am down.

 

[exhausted]

Yeah. I seem to haemorrhage friends. It is sometimes my own doing, I don't go to things due to social anxiety. Sometimes I just say the wrong thing which comes across as rude. Sometimes they are the ones who "abandon" me (I am a stepping stone friend sometimes) and sometimes I won't even notice I have abandoned others. It sucks. Also some people just turn out to be shit and they have to go. Having a male friend who hits on me for years and puts me down for instance. In the past I used to REALLY mess things up myself, but these days I am a shut-in who won't get too close. I know I will improve, what I really need is a good therapist to support me and one day I will re-embrace life.

But I sought out this thread because the loneliness hurts. All I want is solitude, but it is painful to feel so alone.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I have no friends left I used to have friends over for playdates almost everday as a child

 

[the box is empty]

I used to have little to no filter. I used to think the best way to make friends was to get people to laugh. Laughter = love, right? And a cheap easy way to get people to laugh was to put someone else down. It got to the point where I wasn't funny anymore, I was just an asshole.

 

[netrezven]

I still keep creating bigger and bigger distance between me and my past and that includes friends. It feels like everyone around my past and current surrounding is stucked in one place and don't wanna move forward or have fun. I'm actually verry much pissed off from the box they all live in. They can't see what's out of it. I find it hard to ignore, when these people can only know me in their limited minds. So i find new ones :)

 

[Inferdan]

Made my first really friends last year. Made me so happy. I still cherish them. But now, I partially it wasn't so...it's help give me a reason to go.