Venting Loser teen vent

[Sylveon]

An ugly face.

Deadpan voice.

Can't read without stuttering.

Can't be alone with my own thoughts due to tinnitus.

My mum tells me that I don't even walk properly.

Can't pull off simple tasks.

Can't approach unfamiliar people.

Have trouble understanding strangers.

Can't have a normal human interaction with anyone.

Always mess up even the most basic of interactions, like greetings.

Can't even fit in online spaces.

Didn't even manage to preserve existing online friendships.

Feel like an alien, even in my own family.

Spend almost all of my time inside my head talking to myself due to loneliness.

People either look at me in anger or pity.

I run away at the first sight of a conflict.

I feel like crying as soon as someone is even slightly mean to me.

Afraid of all and any responsibilities.

I don't even have the courage to cut for attention.

I can't understand genuine empathy.

People call me a dimwit and other names when they eventually get fed up with me.

Still leeching off my family.

Don't have any close friends.

No one ever bothers to text me first.

People I thought were close have their own friend groups they hang out in while my existence gets ignored.

They secretly don't want me around them.

No specific interests.

No hobbies.

No clue regarding what to do in life.

All paths lead to joblessness, sooner or later.

There is no one to help me through life but the internet.

Academically average.

Went from being physically healthy to comically weak in the span of the last five years.

Don't have the courage to get behind the wheel.

Can never be my desired gender.

People invalidate my sexual orientation.

Anxious about everything, all of the time, even when I was a child.

Allergies always mess up things when I have something I somewhat look forward to.

I can't give anyone a reason to smile; I only make them sad, anxious, or depressed.

I can't even make my little sister happy.

I didn't manage to kill myself, despite having the chance to.

I can't cut deep because I'm too anxious to even buy blades.

I get attached to people who don't even know I exist.

I don't have the drive to do anything.

I'm expected to be everything I'm not.

My parents probably wish they had had a different kid.

They keep asking me again and again, that why can't I just be like my younger self?

Nothing helps; I just wanna gouge my eyes out so that I never have to deal with the world again.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, you're not alone in this. A lot of us can relate to things you've said.

But, it sounds like you need some professional help. I can see there's a lot of pain there, and it sounds like you want help

There are services that are also online, that can help support you, or your GP can help? There are ways through this, don't give up just yet.

I hope things ease for you, and you have a better day tomorrow

 

[Sylveon]

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, you're not alone in this. A lot of us can relate to things you've said.

But, it sounds like you need some professional help. I can see there's a lot of pain there, and it sounds like you want help

There are services that are also online, that can help support you, or your GP can help? There are ways through this, don't give up just yet.

I hope things ease for you, and you have a better day tomorrow

Getting professional help doesn't seem to be possible; the most I get when I open up is "just try to be more positive." :')

 

[IWishIWasAFlower]

"just try to be more positive."

that doesnt sound like its coming from a professional. They way you describe it there are a lot of symptoms of a depressive episode. Experienced a lot of them myself.

Therapy does help a lot of people and there are lots of medication to get you more stable/help with drive etc.
The only actual tipp i can give you is, dont wait and do nothing, its not going to change on its own and you will not manage to deal with it alone.

If you need help with finding sources for help hit me up. Maybe i can assist you a bit.
Best of luck to you!

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Agree with @IWishIWasAFlower - a professional definitely wouldn't say that.

Things always look different when you're younger, especially a teenager. It is incredibly hard to be a teenager!

No one listens to you, you think you know everything about the world when you don't, you're just becoming an adult and learning about adult things which is a huge leap from childhood, and you think the entire world is against you when it isn't.

It's always, always best to seek help - it is never too late.

I wish I could've done this when I was younger, and maybe things would be different now. The sooner you seek help, the better. Best not to leave it to stew

 

[Sylveon]

@IWishIWasAFlower @MyTimeIsUp
Yup, you're right, that wasn't from a professional; what I meant was that getting professional help is pretty much impossible for me at the present and for the time to come.

I come from a third world where the concept of mental health is nonexistent; my parents don't understand what all this is all about. I'm still jokingly called "crazy" whenever my self-harm is brought up.

Even if they did understand, I highly doubt that they'd end up allowing me because of the associated stigma.

 

[IWishIWasAFlower]

That makes it a lot harder. Depending on your financial situation there are online therapy options, i dont know if there are any free ones. Your english is very good so that could be an option even if you dont have any in your country.
There are ai therapy chat bots, i have no idea how good they are and if they provide any value to your situation tho.
And then there are a lot of "self help" psychoeducational ressources you could use. Its the most passive approach but maybe it can be a starting point for you. There is a yoututbe/twicht channel called healthygamergg, geared towards young people, i find quite informative. Of course this approach is not individual at all and no substitution for actual therapy, but it may help a little bit. There should be tons of similar channels/sites thats just one i know of and actually enjoy consuming.