Lopsided Friendships.

[Phosphorous 4]

I try so hard to maintain my friendships, I just wish anyone else did the same. I lose faith in people as a whole when someone says to me anything like "I care and if you need someone to speak to, I am always here" only for them to be completely absent whenever I do need to speak to someone. And while sometimes the absence is literal, most of the time the absence is mental and emotional, which is the worst part. I can witness people who claim to care about me, not give a shit about me at all, in real time. As I get older I realize cutting all of my friends off was the best decision I could make. Not the happiest or easiest, but the best for me. If I don't send a message or make a phone call, I would never hear from anyone.

If I died, if I got horrendously sick, I just don't see how that information would get back to any of these people. I genuinely think I could pass away and they would just believe I disappeared and not bother trying to find out if I was ok or not. They would never check in on their own volition. But I am always the first person anyone reaches out to when they have something to complain about. Something in their life is hectic at the moment, or depressing, or difficult and I am now expected to be everything they never are for me. I could replace friends with family and the same shit all applies. I'm just so sick and tired of people, I don't think I've ever used those words more accurately. I'm sick of the selfishness, the fraudulent personalities. I'm tired of watching people pretend they give a shit about anyone around them. Their eyes are focused on the interior of their skulls. They see no one but themselves.

I just remember people being different when I was younger. I think I've always gravitated toward older people for a reason. They aren't so self-obsessed. A conversation with an older person is a back and forth, not me being forced to hold the entire conversation or shut up and listen to a diatribe for an hour before the conversation is over and I haven't spoken at all. I don't want anymore low effort people in my life anymore. If I speak up about it and try to explain my feelings about the direction of a friendship, if I try to save my relationships, I just never seems important to them the way it is to me.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I try so hard to maintain my friendships, I just wish anyone else did the same. I lose faith in people as a whole when someone says to me anything like "I care and if you need someone to speak to, I am always here" only for them to be completely absent whenever I do need to speak to someone. And while sometimes the absence is literal, most of the time the absence is mental and emotional, which is the worst part. I can witness people who claim to care about me, not give a shit about me at all, in real time. As I get older I realize cutting all of my friends off was the best decision I could make. Not the happiest or easiest, but the best for me. If I don't send a message or make a phone call, I would never hear from anyone.

If I died, if I got horrendously sick, I just don't see how that information would get back to any of these people. I genuinely think I could pass away and they would just believe I disappeared and not bother trying to find out if I was ok or not. They would never check in on their own volition. But I am always the first person anyone reaches out to when they have something to complain about. Something in their life is hectic at the moment, or depressing, or difficult and I am now expected to be everything they never are for me. I could replace friends with family and the same shit all applies. I'm just so sick and tired of people, I don't think I've ever used those words more accurately. I'm sick of the selfishness, the fraudulent personalities. I'm tired of watching people pretend they give a shit about anyone around them. Their eyes are focused on the interior of their skulls. They see no one but themselves.

I just remember people being different when I was younger. I think I've always gravitated toward older people for a reason. They aren't so self-obsessed. A conversation with an older person is a back and forth, not me being forced to hold the entire conversation or shut up and listen to a diatribe for an hour before the conversation is over and I haven't spoken at all. I don't want anymore low effort people in my life anymore. If I speak up about it and try to explain my feelings about the direction of a friendship, if I try to save my relationships, I just never seems important to them the way it is to me.

I understand that... it's insane how much people will just... not care. The lack of empathy surprises me. Sometimes it feels like I'm not even human.

I hope you find your tribe man.


I like your profile picture... for reasons I feel like you could already tell lol

 

[whywere]

I am older and I love friendships, like having one with you.

I have seen and felt it all my life, where I put in 100% effort and sometimes at best I get indifference.

But I have also seen the good old karma effect, where I get indifference and that same person down the road has zero friends, as they are either so self-centered or whatever that nobody wants to be around them, so the long story short is they lose.

You are a good friend to/for me, and I sure would love to be your friend also, that is what SaSu is all about.

Lots of hugs and well wishes to you my good friend.

Walter

 

[Phosphorous 4]

I like your profile picture... for reasons I feel like you could already tell lol

Thank you for your entire message Merc, I'm hoping I find my tribe one day too :/ and you like my profile pic because you have excellent taste of course! Bebop 4 life

I have seen and felt it all my life, where I put in 100% effort and sometimes at best I get indifference.

But I have also seen the good old karma effect, where I get indifference and that same person down the road has zero friends, as they are either so self-centered or whatever that nobody wants to be around them, so the long story short is they lose.

The indifference is so defeating.

I can't see it ending any other way but for a person to be entirely alone by doing stuff like this, but I can't say that it doesn't feel like I'm being screwed out of something as well. There was a time when the majority of my friends were people I had known for over ten years and done some crazy shit with, I had stories with them. I can't say anything similar about anyone anymore. No one new that I meet seems to mesh that way. It's just clear it's going to be an extremely short and uninvolved relationship, and it seems like it's been one person after another.

You are a good friend to/for me, and I sure would love to be your friend also, that is what SaSu is all about.

I appreciate you, thank you. If we're going to be friends you have to be at least 90 though, I'm accepting geriatric friends only at this point. :) (only jokes I promise)

 

[slamjoetry]

I agree with every single word. Most people are phonies, and don't know what true friendship looks like. And I agree that older people tend to be better friends and better conversationalists than younger. Of the friendships I've had in my life, I feel like I was the only one making any effort every single time.

Sometimes I'll go out to a bar or lounge to try and make friends but I haven't had much success so far. Most of them have ghosted me or turned about to be kinda awful people. I feel so alone, and I'm afraid it's gonna be like this forever. But I'm gonna keep trying though. I hope you find success too, man. For what it's worth, nobody needs a whole huge friend group. Just a couple or more close friends we can trust. That's all it takes, and it makes it feel a little bit easier to me.

 

[sorrymyfault]

I try so hard to maintain my friendships, I just wish anyone else did the same. I lose faith in people as a whole when someone says to me anything like "I care and if you need someone to speak to, I am always here" only for them to be completely absent whenever I do need to speak to someone. And while sometimes the absence is literal, most of the time the absence is mental and emotional, which is the worst part. I can witness people who claim to care about me, not give a shit about me at all, in real time. As I get older I realize cutting all of my friends off was the best decision I could make. Not the happiest or easiest, but the best for me. If I don't send a message or make a phone call, I would never hear from anyone.

If I died, if I got horrendously sick, I just don't see how that information would get back to any of these people. I genuinely think I could pass away and they would just believe I disappeared and not bother trying to find out if I was ok or not. They would never check in on their own volition. But I am always the first person anyone reaches out to when they have something to complain about. Something in their life is hectic at the moment, or depressing, or difficult and I am now expected to be everything they never are for me. I could replace friends with family and the same shit all applies. I'm just so sick and tired of people, I don't think I've ever used those words more accurately. I'm sick of the selfishness, the fraudulent personalities. I'm tired of watching people pretend they give a shit about anyone around them. Their eyes are focused on the interior of their skulls. They see no one but themselves.

I just remember people being different when I was younger. I think I've always gravitated toward older people for a reason. They aren't so self-obsessed. A conversation with an older person is a back and forth, not me being forced to hold the entire conversation or shut up and listen to a diatribe for an hour before the conversation is over and I haven't spoken at all. I don't want anymore low effort people in my life anymore. If I speak up about it and try to explain my feelings about the direction of a friendship, if I try to save my relationships, I just never seems important to them the way it is to me.

Every friend I ever had just made me more and more suicidal, there is not a single soul in this world that made me say 'hey I guess living's worth it'. I can't wait to be done with people just to go to my room and do nothing like always. When the people I trusted all my life made it hell then what's the point of having friends. I don't know if I'm neurodivergent but if I was it would make a lot of sense, there's a huge dissonance around me and other people that I can't explain, also I can't explain why almost everyone in my life chose to hurt me, chose to interact with me just for their gain, I don't believe in whatever is humanity because of my upbringing, I can't understand why everyone hates me

 

[Phosphorous 4]

For what it's worth, nobody needs a whole huge friend group. Just a couple or more close friends we can trust. That's all it takes, and it makes it feel a little bit easier to me.

I don't think I could mentally handle having ten friends at this stage of the game, finding that one person or those two people is proving to be pretty impossible. Because people do disappear on you or turn out to be terrible people you don't actually want to associate with! Or both! It dumbfounds me, I truly believe something is going on with the populous as a whole that is making it impossible for anyone to connect anymore. Social media, government plans, I have no clue, but it's definitely something. I was recently speaking with someone daily and my mood was better etc, and then they just dropped off the face of the Earth. To me specifically. It was just painfully obvious I was being ignored one day. For what? Why do that to someone? When I ask about it, I am told I'm imagining things. No one is so busy it takes two or three days to respond to a text message. You answer because you care or you don't because you don't. People are horrendous.

Every friend I ever had just made me more and more suicidal, there is not a single soul in this world that made me say 'hey I guess living's worth it'. I can't wait to be done with people just to go to my room and do nothing like always.

It's crazy sometimes how identical other peoples posts are to my feelings sometimes. I just left work after muttering "I can't wait to fuckin go home!" to myself a hundred times for the last hour. Everything in my body was screaming to be by myself, in front of my computer, ALONE in my room. The most optimal situation I can be in. I thought ironically that I would find friends on here that would be understanding enough to not make someone else more suicidal and depressed than they already are. Big mistake. Sometimes we learn the hard way. I try not to be pissed about it, I spent most of my twenties in a rage so I wouldn't have to be in a depression, but that just got me into trouble, so now I have the enjoyable task of fully experiencing every shitty feeling that comes with being ignored and rejected by someone. Someone who reached out to me in the first place. Jesus Christ. You can cut yourself off from the world, the world will still find its way to where you are to fuck your day up.

 

[milkteacrown]

I'm sorry you feel that way about your relationships. It's difficult to feel secure in your attachments when you believe all of your efforts are one-sided.

Actually, I am more like your friends: for the majority of people, I have a severe version of an avoidant attachment style. It takes a lot of mental energy to reply to things that don't interest me, and most things don't, so I often have people asking me if I'm upset with them or don't care about them.

More than anything, this unequal relationship you have with your friends is hurting you. It isn't as simple as "don't rely on them anymore," because to some degree we all need that, but I hope you can find at least one person who will check in on and talk to you when you need it, even if that person is a paid professional.