Looks like my time to CTB may be near.

[Thanatonaut]

I've been around form the start. When this board started, I was Chronicpainnomore. I am a veteran who suffers from severe chronic pain from a parachute accident and the subsequent spinal surgery which the military botched severely. It ended my military career and ever since then, 15 years now, the only thing that controlled the pain was high dose opioids. Fast forward to 2015, and the "opioid epidemic" moral panic is in full swing, and the VA discontinued opioids for all veterans. Shortly after, even civilian doctors began adopting the CDC's ludicrous "guidelines." By 2018, I was getting no medications to control the pain, and I had gone from being a productive worker, husband, and father, to a bedridden wreck. I decided to end it. I did much research on nitrogen and Exit Bags, and I perfected my method. All my posts are still on here under my old name, Chronicpainnomore.

Miraculously, 2 weeks before my planned CTB, a doctor reached out to me and gave me my life back. For the past 20 months, I have lived life to the fullest. I got another job, I was able to participate in my boys' lives, it was great. Today I found out that the DEA has revoked my doctor's ability to prescribe pain medications. He hasn't done anything wrong, he wasn't running a pill mill, he only had a dozen or so patients and has never had anyone overdose or misuse their medications. They're just going after any doctor who has the audacity to actually care for their patients.

So it looks like that's it. Once my current supply of meds run out, in addition to the immense pain, I will face horrific withdrawal symptoms. But my nitrogen rig is still here, ready to go. I am not ready to go. I don't WANT to CTB, but my hand is being forced.

 

[Pj.nuffield]

What a tragic story. I really feel you

 

[Jean4]

I don't know what country you are in, but have you gone to a pain management clinic?

 

[Grandexit]

Before you go, fentanyl patches are sold on the dark web. I'm not an expert at buying so I can't give you tips how to buy off the DNM. Are you in a position to get something to help you get stepped down from the opioids? Does pot help with your pain? Can you afford ketamine injections? Does your wife have insurance so you can see a non VA pain specialist? You should absolutely have help dealing with withdrawals. I wish I knew more about this sort of thing , I'm so sorry for your situation.

 

[Thanatonaut]

I have no clue about finding or buying things on the dark web, but I do know that I would not trust any meds bought through it. The deaths people are attributing to the "opioid epidemic" are the ones being bought illegally, most of which are made with Chinese fentanyl. I also couldn't afford it. As it was, I was having to pay $1000 a month out of pocket for my meds, and the street value of a month's worth of my meds was probably in the neighborhood of $60K. Pot helped just a little with my pain, but I live deep in the Bible Belt, so I definitely can't just go buy any at a dispensary and I don't have any hookups. The only thing that will save me is finding another doctor to prescribe the medication regimen I've been on for 20 months. And this is at a time when about 90% of doctors have stopped prescribing opioids totally. I'm fucked, basically.

And I've been through pretty much every pain management clinic in my area after the VA cut me off. They're more interested in forcing patients to do painful injections that don't help because they make a fortune billing for them. Once they can no longer justify doing the injections because they don't work, they dismiss you.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I've been around form the start. When this board started, I was Chronicpainnomore. I am a veteran who suffers from severe chronic pain from a parachute accident and the subsequent spinal surgery which the military botched severely. It ended my military career and ever since then, 15 years now, the only thing that controlled the pain was high dose opioids. Fast forward to 2015, and the "opioid epidemic" moral panic is in full swing, and the VA discontinued opioids for all veterans. Shortly after, even civilian doctors began adopting the CDC's ludicrous "guidelines." By 2018, I was getting no medications to control the pain, and I had gone from being a productive worker, husband, and father, to a bedridden wreck. I decided to end it. I did much research on nitrogen and Exit Bags, and I perfected my method. All my posts are still on here under my old name, Chronicpainnomore.

Miraculously, 2 weeks before my planned CTB, a doctor reached out to me and gave me my life back. For the past 20 months, I have lived life to the fullest. I got another job, I was able to participate in my boys' lives, it was great. Today I found out that the DEA has revoked my doctor's ability to prescribe pain medications. He hasn't done anything wrong, he wasn't running a pill mill, he only had a dozen or so patients and has never had anyone overdose or misuse their medications. They're just going after any doctor who has the audacity to actually care for their patients.

So it looks like that's it. Once my current supply of meds run out, in addition to the immense pain, I will face horrific withdrawal symptoms. But my nitrogen rig is still here, ready to go. I am not ready to go. I don't WANT to CTB, but my hand is being forced.

So sorry this is happening to you. I know hugs don't help. I remember seeing your posts a long time ago. It makes me so angry that the government can do this to people who really need meds. There are so many things wrong in the U.S. but they have to focus on punishing everyone. If possible maybe leave a detailed letter for your reasons. It probably won't change anything but at least they will know they are to blame. I don't suppose weed helps at all ? I guess if it did you wouldn't need something stronger.

 

[Dubs]

So if you were able to find a doctor to prescribe you opioids you would want to go on living?

 

[Thanatonaut]

So if you were able to find a doctor to prescribe you opioids you would want to go on living?

YES! A million times yes! There's not a single suicidal bone in my body. I don't want to leave my wife and kids. I just want my medications to continue so I can continue living the life I've lived for the past 20 months.

 

[Dubs]

YES! A million times yes! There's not a single suicidal bone in my body. I don't want to leave my wife and kids. I just want my medications to continue so I can continue living the life I've lived for the past 20 months.

I find that incredible doctors won't give them to you. You have legal documentation of your military injury? How many doctors have you been to? Large hospitals? Small practices?

 

[Thanatonaut]

I find that incredible doctors won't give them to you. You have legal documentation of your military injury? How many doctors have you been to? Large hospitals? Small practices?

Yes. Everything is documented, and there's even the shitty hardware the military put in my spine for them to see on X-rays. I can't even count how many doctors I have been to over the years. Large hospitals, small practices, all of it.

 

[Dubs]

Yes. Everything is documented, and there's even the shitty hardware the military put in my spine for them to see on X-rays. I can't even count how many doctors I have been to over the years. Large hospitals, small practices, all of it.

It seems like a reputable doctor at a major hospital would have more leeway to go out on a limb for you. I think small practices are primarily under fire for being "pill mills" but it seems a reputable health care system could go to bat for you.

I'm all for rational suicide but it seems like you should be able to overcome this.

I remember watching documentaries about the opioid crisis and seeing interviews with doctors that understood it is still necessary for some patients. There was a woman who fell off of a jetski and needed opioids for life and was able to get them.

 

[Otter]

Yes. Everything is documented, and there's even the shitty hardware the military put in my spine for them to see on X-rays. I can't even count how many doctors I have been to over the years. Large hospitals, small practices, all of it.

Another idea is one of those implantable nerve block devices ( I'm sure you've already checked, I'm just throwing out anything I can think of to try and help)bless your heart! I cannot stand it when someone is suffering from pain

 

[Thanatonaut]

Large hospitals and medical systems are the ones that put out blanket policies that tie their physicians' hands. Small practices it seems fall victim to the DEA because they don't have the ability to pay high-priced lawyers to fight the DEA. And the DEA prefers to go after doctors because they get to storm in with their kevlar and guns and look like Wyatt Earp without the risk that comes with going after REAL criminals who shoot back.

Another idea is one of those implantable nerve block devices ( I'm sure you've already checked, I'm just throwing out anything I can think of to try and help)bless your heart! I cannot stand it when someone is suffering from pain

That's out for a couple of reasons, the biggest one being the current hardware that is in my spine and can't be removed.

 

[Dubs]

Large hospitals and medical systems are the ones that put out blanket policies that tie their physicians' hands. Small practices it seems fall victim to the DEA because they don't have the ability to pay high-priced lawyers to fight the DEA. And the DEA prefers to go after doctors because they get to storm in with their kevlar and guns and look like Wyatt Earp without the risk that comes with going after REAL criminals who shoot back.

That's out for a couple of reasons, the biggest one being the current hardware that is in my spine and can't be removed.

What about academic hospitals that don't get any kickbacks? A pain specialist in academia?

 

[Thanatonaut]

Large hospitals and medical systems are the ones that put out blanket policies that tie their physicians' hands. Small practices it seems fall victim to the DEA because they don't have the ability to pay high-priced lawyers to fight the DEA. And the DEA prefers to go after doctors because they get to storm in with their kevlar and guns and look like Wyatt Earp without the risk that comes with going after REAL criminals who shoot back.

That's out for a couple of reasons, the biggest one being the current hardware that is in my spine and can't be removed.

And I should point out that the military used me as a guinea pig for this surgery, I found out later. The surgeon who did it was supposed to keep tabs on me for the rest of my life but he got deployed to Iraq, and while deployed he cheated on his wife. She found out when he got back home, so he went to a gun range and shot himself in the head. When I tried to find out who was going to take over my care, all I got was shrugs.

 

[Dubs]

Do you live near the Mexican or Canadian border? You might be able to get a doctor in one of those countries to give them to you.

 

[NeverMatteredAnyway]

Cutting ppl off like that theyre trying to force ppl onto the street to buy heroin. Pharm companies fell out of favor, cartels in, it seems. Have you heard of kratom? Its an herb. Idk much abt it

 

[Thanatonaut]

Do you live near the Mexican or Canadian border? You might be able to get a doctor in one of those countries to give them to you.

No, I don't, unfortunately.

Cutting ppl off like that theyre trying to force ppl onto the street to buy heroin. Pharm companies fell out of favor, cartels in, it seems. Have you heard of kratom? Its an herb. Idk much abt it

I tried that around the time I started on this board, and it was no help. Made me feel like I was going to crawl out of my own skin, too.

 

[issyishere]

your story makes me incredibly sad. you're a loving father who doesn't want to ctb. The fact that our system failed you so horrifically and has forced you to this point is barbaric and cruel. i'm not sure what to say besides I'm thinking of you. I mean that. I hope you find the peace and calm you're looking for one way or the other

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey. I'm so sorry. There should be an option to get opioids,even in such a way that they record you taking them. It's ridiculous that the goddamn government is doing this. I really hope you somehow find something. How much longer do you have left on your current prescription?


I was reading that some states,such as Ohio(my state),have more relaxed rules for doctors being able to extend past the 7day mark. I admit I'm not familiar withhow this system works. But maybe you could look into that? Maybe there's a way you could visit a different state(depending on how far away you live) to find another doctor?



I really hope you find something.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I would like to say thank you for serving our country. I am so deeply sorry for you accident which has caused you so much pain and suffering. The military has a responsibility to provide adequate care for their veterans. I wonder if your story became public, would it then force the military to provide you with the right kind of pain medicine? It's not fair, and it's not right that you have to suffer like this.

 

[Thanatonaut]

Hey. I'm so sorry. There should be an option to get opioids,even in such a way that they record you taking them. It's ridiculous that the goddamn government is doing this. I really hope you somehow find something. How much longer do you have left on your current prescription?


I was reading that some states,such as Ohio(my state),have more relaxed rules for doctors being able to extend past the 7day mark. I admit I'm not familiar withhow this system works. But maybe you could look into that? Maybe there's a way you could visit a different state(depending on how far away you live) to find another doctor?



I really hope you find something.

Funny you mention that, because that's what I was already doing. I was unable to find anyone in my own state, but the doctor who rescued me was 2 states over. It was a 16 hour round trip, but well worth it.

I would like to say thank you for serving our country. I am so deeply sorry for you accident which has caused you so much pain and suffering. The military has a responsibility to provide adequate care for their veterans. I wonder if your story became public, would it then force the military to provide you with the right kind of pain medicine? It's not fair, and it's not right that you have to suffer like this.

My story already is public. My story is featured in a New York Times article about chronic pain patients getting screwed. There are a few stories getting out there. But the overall public attitude is very anti-opioid. And when Netflix is putting out stuff like "The Pharmacist" filling people's heads with that narrative, nothing is ever going to change in my favor.

 

[NeverMatteredAnyway]

I was just Googling to see if I could figure something out. Im shocked at the busts for "pill mills" all like since last sept. Geez. Its sickening the power the govt has. I honestly dont have any idea except maybe go over to mexico. I read a lil about that but it looked like what i was reading is from 2015. Im very sorry.

 

[yetme]

Miraculously, 2 weeks before my planned CTB, a doctor reached out to me and gave me my life back. For the past 20 months, I have lived life to the fullest. I got another job, I was able to participate in my boys' lives, it was great. Today I found out that the DEA has revoked my doctor's ability to prescribe pain medications. He hasn't done anything wrong, he wasn't running a pill mill, he only had a dozen or so patients and has never had anyone overdose or misuse their medications. They're just going after any doctor who has the audacity to actually care for their patients.

Hi fellow sufferer! Looks like we are in the same boat. I'm currently looking for some opioids or H to ease the pain. I'll let you know if I find anything!

 

[Indieblue]

I am sorry. What a sick society. They expect you to be alive no matter what pain you are in..