Looks like my suicice plans are coming together faster then expected

[DepressionsAHo]

We have a (homeless) customer at work who I guess now is barred from coming into the store. He came in the other day and I told him according to my boss, you aren't allowed in the store. He tries to say that since the people who he had an issue with weren't inside the store at the time, I could just help "a paying customer". I told him no, there's cameras everywhere and I'm not getting in trouble or fired for you and that he needs to leave. He refuses once again and at this point, I'm getting irritated. I told him he needs to get the fuck out, "I'm not getting in trouble for you bro, its that simple get the hell out" "why are you raising your voice at me" he says "because you're refusing to leave despite me asking you nicely at first" "well I'm not leaving, you can call the police" I said "A'ight, bet" I decided I would try one last time to get him to leave and he once again refuses. I opened the door to retrieve the phone at which point, he promptly stands up, and whips change across the room directly at my head as hard as he could throw, walks two steps further, and begins shoving shelves of food down while cussing me out.

Apparently, since I followed him outside after he threw coins at my head and knocked the shelves down (with the phone in my hand and police on speed dial) to not only get a better description but to also be like what the fuck, he reared around and hit me in the face so I instinctively grabbed his shirt and held him back at arms length to stop further attacks. He began trying to shove me and attack me more so I strong armed him away. Never threw a punch or anything. Well, despite me asking my boss not to (because i already have a lot on my plate. School, midterms, court dates, my other job coming up, suicidal thoughts) and her saying she wouldn't, she went ahead and called HR anyway. The district manager reviewed the video and has decided to suspend me until further investigation can be completed. My coworker went ahead and called me and told me i cant come into work tonight and theres an 80% chance of me being fired despite having no intentions to fight or ever throwing hands. But a dude who punched me in the face and whipped change at my head as hard as he could gets off scott free because the police in my area dont EVER do their jobs.

At this point, I think I'm done. I think I've reached my breaking point

Ps. I specified he was homeless because in my area, most of the homeless are retched people. I watch one dude everyday get food boughten for him and clothes taken off the other person's back, get thrown in the trash because all he wants is meth money. This same dude has called me a nigger. I have other stories about them but that's for another day.

Attached is the mess he left behind

 

[JSauter]

I'm sorry you had to put up with that shit, man. At least somebody else can deal with that guy now. Good riddance

 

[Lokd26]

That's crazy. It always feels like the people who do right are always the ones in trouble. I feel you man

 

[WelcomingPain]

Damn dude. I hate when that stuff happens. Don't feel too bad. I was fired from my old job about a year ago and I was not given any notice or reason, just taken off the schedule. I know exactly how you feel. Another time, a woman gave me trouble after I had gotten beaten up by 3 people, claiming it was my fault because I had a knife on me for protection (Which I didn't use or threaten anyone with it). In fact, before I could defend myself, the people took my knife and threatened me with it, yet this random stranger still gave me shit for it and chased me home. It might've had something to do with the fact that the 3 people were aboriginal as well as the woman, meanwhile I was white. She yelled at me saying I deserved it for mistreating their people. Personally, I have never done anything to discriminate against them or any other race for that matter. I fucking despise this sort of victim blaming.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Damn dude. I hate when that stuff happens. Don't feel too bad. I was fired from my old job about a year ago and I was not given any notice or reason, just taken off the schedule. I know exactly how you feel. Another time, a woman gave me trouble after I had gotten beaten up by 3 people, claiming it was my fault because I had a knife on me for protection (Which I didn't use or threaten anyone with it). In fact, before I could defend myself, the people took my knife and threatened me with it, yet this random stranger still gave me shit for it and chased me home. It might've had something to do with the fact that the 3 people were aboriginal as well as the woman, meanwhile I was white. She yelled at me saying I deserved it for mistreating their people. Personally, I have never done anything to discriminate against them or any other race for that matter. I fucking despise this sort of victim blaming.

All of my co-worker's agree that its bull shit. I never threw a punch at this guy which is evident but since I followed the cunt outside, I'm gonna get fired for it. I can't keep a job so at this point, why try anymore. This is how my life has played out since I reached adulthood and I'm tired of it. I get blamed for everything and I've failed to see a point to this for a long time so fuck it. I'm done

 

[WelcomingPain]

All of my co-worker's agree that its bull shit. I never threw a punch at this guy which is evident but since I followed the cunt outside, I'm gonna get fired for it. I can't keep a job so at this point, why try anymore. This is how my life has played out since I reached adulthood and I'm tired of it. I get blamed for everything and I've failed to see a point to this for a long time so fuck it. I'm done

Your life could turn around for the better very quickly. Why stop now, when you could stay alive and find out?

 

[JSauter]

For what it's worth (not much) , I would have done exactly the same thing and would have lost that job too.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Your life could turn around for the better very quickly. Why stop now, when you could stay alive and find out?

I get you're trying to help, but this is simply a catalyst. I made my first attempt on my life at 8 years old. I haven't wanted to live in 14 years. I'm a brutal realist. I've no interest in recovery of any sort which is why I didn't post this in that section. There are people who want to live again and there's an entire section of this site dedicated to those who are trying to. Your words would fit in significantly better over there. There's no hope for me mate but thanks for trying

For what it's worth (not much) , I would have done exactly the same thing and would have lost that job too.

That's what I'm saying. If someone hits you your first reaction isn't to go limp. There's no training on such an absurd concept but I'll be fired over it. I been feeling closer anyway so hopefully, I won't be around to wallow in my thoughts for much longer and that's the best feeling in the world

 

[WelcomingPain]

I get you're trying to help, but this is simply a catalyst. I made my first attempt on my life at 8 years old. I haven't wanted to live in 14 years. I'm a brutal realist. I've no interest in recovery of any sort which is why I didn't post this in that section. There are people who want to live again and there's an entire section of this site dedicated to those who are trying to. Your words would fit in significantly better over there. There's no hope for me mate but thanks for trying

Okay, fair enough. I was just curious as to why you'd given up. I understand if you've been feeling that way for so long. I see you are determined, so all I can do is wish you a swift, painless exit.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Okay, fair enough. I was just curious as to why you'd given up. I understand if you've been feeling that way for so long. I see you are determined, so all I can do is wish you a swift, painless exit.

One of my main reason and definitely the most prominent one is my inability to keep a job. I refuse to work minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life. I had one working with cars that I loved and I even lost that one due to utter incompetence. I'm stupid in that area of my life. My father also abused me heavily and I've carried some of that emotional baggage with me my entire life. I don't and have never believed its possible to love me. My other and second most prominent reason is simply depression. Hence, my username. It hits me out of nowhere. Slowly at first but before i know it. Its crushing me. I can't breathe. Nobody is ever nor will anybody ever be there to stop it and ive grown tired of this never ending fight. I can see how my future will play out and i cant bear to directly witness it. Im an unfortunate soul. A could have been but never was.

I wanted to be a human rights lawyer. I wanted to reform the American Prison system. I feel saddended that i have to let this go but maybe.. Hopefully someone else can step in with the same dream

 

[WelcomingPain]

I wanted to be a human rights lawyer. I wanted to reform the American Prison system. I feel saddended that i have to let this go but maybe.. Hopefully someone else can step in with the same dream

Well hopefully, whether you believe in it or not, you will be reincarnated and given another chance to live the life you always wanted. I know it's not a realistic thought, but maybe it can be a source of hope for you. For some reason, I tend to see many shooting stars, so the next one I see will be dedicated to you. I will wish you all the best in another life.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Well hopefully, whether you believe in it or not, you will be reincarnated and given another chance to live the life you always wanted. I know it's not a realistic thought, but maybe it can be a source of hope for you. For some reason, I tend to see many shooting stars, so the next one I see will be dedicated to you. I will wish you all the best in another life.

I do believe it's a possibility. I've seen ghosts before and so has my mom so I don't think it's going to be nothing after this. I don't know the process one must go through to achieve becoming a ghost but it's definitely not eternal darkness. I don't mind the world, I just can't stand it in this body, in this mind. I think reincarnation is a strong contender for what happens afterwards. Who knows, maybe I'll come back.

Oh. And thanks :)

 

[WelcomingPain]

I do believe it's a possibility. I've seen ghosts before and so has my mom so I don't think it's going to be nothing after this. I don't know the process one must go through to achieve becoming a ghost but it's definitely not eternal darkness. I don't mind the world, I just can't stand it in this body, in this mind. I think reincarnation is a strong contender for what happens afterwards. Who knows, maybe I'll come back.

Hey! That's the SPIRIT! (Sorry not sorry)
I hope you come back too though. If you do, I'm positive the world will be better than before.