Looks like hiv will be my only salvation

[thetwilightzone]

It seems that unfortunately, a fullproof suicide attempt is not possible for me given that I 1.) live in a shit country that has overregulation on pharmaceutical products. 2.) have poor social connections so can't buy benzos, GHB, or heroin to overdose on and 3.)have been without money (€0 for the last 6 months) as well as parents who won't help me find a job but claim they're supporting me.

I asked for some advice here and people said that I should try and find more jobs but its useless. In two weeks, I'm going to go back to college to do computer science. I think I'll sell my laptop then look for someone who has HIV, meet up for casual sex and infect myself. Don't worry, I won't be a dick (metaphoricaly speaking ) and infect anyone else. I'll stop right with me.

People will say that I might as well choose a painful method but I know a guy who has HIV and it's terminal. He says his body only started suffering towards the end and for the first 3 years, everything appeared normal. No pain. He infact gets more attention for his doctor who prescribes him benzos for anxiety.

 

[No Future]

Whilst I applaud the creativity - isn't that quite a long way to go about it?

 

[thetwilightzone]

Whilst I applaud the creativity - isn't that quite a long way to go about it?

The thing is, it's a "win win" for me in the sense that I will be enjoying life while knowing that the virus destroys my body and causes devastating but silent destruction.

 

[GodKnows]

It takes too long for HIV to kick in. Check out Hepatitis C instead.

 

[thetwilightzone]

It takes too long for HIV to kick in. Check out Hepatitis C instead.

But I'll probably be working for the next 2-3 years so it's preferable for me.

 

[thetwilightzone]

It's funny though how people on Reddit (not haha funny, "this world is fucked up" funny) were criticising a guy who got HIV and didn't want to treat himself calling him selfish (it was the most upvoted comment on the thread).

This is pushes me to the edge and gives me energy to ctb. This world is fucked. We don't have any freedoms. They claim we're free but the only "correct way" to society is keeping your body alive just because others don't want you dead, despite the fact that none of them are going to help you through life. Despite the fact that if you went homeless, many probably won't care and despite the fact that society tells you "The world owes you nothing".

 

[thetwilightzone]

The only trouble with this method is a) finding someone wiho has it and b) finding someone who's willing to give me the virus

I asked on a casual encounters site and a guy knew what I was talking about but said I wasn't "genuine".

 

[Slacker]

Party and play

 

[Jerryman]

How long does it take to kill you? How difficult is it to get?

 

[Broken Widow]

It takes too long for HIV to kick in. Check out Hepatitis C instead.

HCV can live undetected and dormant for decades. That's why there's this sudden outbreak of it in baby boomers who shot up drugs in the 70's.

Also, my late husband had it for 10 years, (and ironically was cured of it when he got terminal duodenal cancer). He presented as healthy really, until the cancer.

 

[Broken Widow]

The only trouble with this method is a) finding someone wiho has it and b) finding someone who's willing to give me the virus

I asked on a casual encounters site and a guy knew what I was talking about but said I wasn't "genuine".

Bug chasing is a thing. Not sure of your gender or orientation, but it's a thing in the gay community. Maybe there are personals specific to bug chasers?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I know you want out of here... we all do but I would really think about taking this route to ctb.
I'm not saying you will change your mind about wanting to ctb … I know I won't but you could be stuck with HIV for years possibly decades ??? until you develop full blown AIDS. Perhaps at least do some more research before you attempt this method. I've heard there is a lot of suffering at the end.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

The thing is, it's a "win win" for me in the sense that I will be enjoying life while knowing that the virus destroys my body and causes devastating but silent destruction.

I don't think it will be a painless destruction. In the beginning maybe but near the end it will be painful. I believe way more suffering than you are enduring now. If you don't take medication for the disease it may be a quicker death but it will be very painful. I just googled images of A.I.D.S. suffering. It will NOT be a pleasant death.

 

[mattwitt]

Is this one of Volatile's ideas ?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

But I'll probably be working for the next 2-3 years so it's preferable for me.

It may take much longer than that.

What is the life expectancy of someone with AIDS?
In 1996-97 the life expectancy at age 20 of an HIV-positive person was 19 years, in other words they could only expect to live, on average, in the absence of any improvement in treatment, till they were 39. By 2011, this had improved to 53 years, i.e. death on average at 73.Feb 28, 2016

I pulled this from a simple google search … now without any medication I'm sure it will be shorter but 2 -3 years is a very … (I'm not sure how to word this) ... but underestimation of the time it will take.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

It's funny though how people on Reddit (not haha funny, "this world is fucked up" funny) were criticising a guy who got HIV and didn't want to treat himself calling him selfish (it was the most upvoted comment on the thread).

This is pushes me to the edge and gives me energy to ctb. This world is fucked. We don't have any freedoms. They claim we're free but the only "correct way" to society is keeping your body alive just because others don't want you dead, despite the fact that none of them are going to help you through life. Despite the fact that if you went homeless, many probably won't care and despite the fact that society tells you "The world owes you nothing".

I think we will always be considered selfish for wanting to CTB. And you are right … we don't have any freedoms. Not really. Especially when it comes to the right to die. In most countries.

 

[creatureoflight]

Just of interest: HIV isn't that common (except in some African countries) and you can never know your partner actually has it. And with it comes the risk of other non lethal but not fun STDs, like herpes, gonorrhea and the like...

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

The only trouble with this method is a) finding someone wiho has it and b) finding someone who's willing to give me the virus

I asked on a casual encounters site and a guy knew what I was talking about but said I wasn't "genuine".

I think he did you a favor. I'm hoping you at least give this a lot of thought before attempting this. Maybe you have … I don't know.
Don't get me wrong I think everyone has the right to ctb on their own terms but this seems like the worst way to do it.

 

[mattwitt]

Just of interest: HIV isn't that common (except in some African countries) and you can never know your partner actually has it. And with it comes the risk of other non lethal but not fun STDs, like herpes, gonorrhea and the like...

You can find someone with anything
https://www.positivesingles.com/

 

[creatureoflight]

But a lot of people with HIV will only have sex with you using a condom or are taking drugs and not passing on the virus to other people.
Isn't kind of a strange situation? 'Hi, I have HIV, so sex only with a condom if you don't mind.' 'Oh no, it's okay, I don't mind getting HIV.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

HCV can live undetected and dormant for decades. That's why there's this sudden outbreak of it in baby boomers who shot up drugs in the 70's.

Also, my late husband had it for 10 years, (and ironically was cured of it when he got terminal duodenal cancer). He presented as healthy really, until the cancer.

I'm sorry for your loss.
I admit I don't know a lot about that either but getting either one seems like a bad way to get out of here.

 

[Definitelyworried]

Untreated hiv acts differently on different people, sometimes it can take untreated hiv decades for it to kill you. I think on average is about 6 years.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Untreated hiv acts differently on different people, sometimes it can take untreated hiv decades for it to kill you. I think on average is about 6 years.

That is still a loooong wait even if it's only 6 years.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

It seems that unfortunately, a fullproof suicide attempt is not possible for me given that I 1.) live in a shit country that has overregulation on pharmaceutical products. 2.) have poor social connections so can't buy benzos, GHB, or heroin to overdose on and 3.)have been without money (€0 for the last 6 months) as well as parents who won't help me find a job but claim they're supporting me.

I asked for some advice here and people said that I should try and find more jobs but its useless. In two weeks, I'm going to go back to college to do computer science. I think I'll sell my laptop then look for someone who has HIV, meet up for casual sex and infect myself. Don't worry, I won't be a dick (metaphoricaly speaking ) and infect anyone else. I'll stop right with me.

People will say that I might as well choose a painful method but I know a guy who has HIV and it's terminal. He says his body only started suffering towards the end and for the first 3 years, everything appeared normal. No pain. He infact gets more attention for his doctor who prescribes him benzos for anxiety.

Just wondering if you had changed your mind on going this route or at least given it more thought ?
I'm sure you want out of here as much as I do, I just don't think that is the best way to do it.

 

[ion900]

HCV can live undetected and dormant for decades. That's why there's this sudden outbreak of it in baby boomers who shot up drugs in the 70's.

Also, my late husband had it for 10 years, (and ironically was cured of it when he got terminal duodenal cancer). He presented as healthy really, until the cancer.

Did your husband's doctors think this was a rare case? How did the cancer get rid of the disease?

 

[Jerryman]

6 years average untreated. This would have to be for someone who's been suicidal for years and has had they're life improved and they would still rather it be over. Some find comfort knowing the end is in sight even if it's years away. The thought of another 40 years to go sounds like too much for some to endure.

 

[Broken Widow]

Did your husband's doctors think this was a rare case? How did the cancer get rid of the disease?

My husband was cured of HCV because of a new medication that came out then called Harvoni.

About the same time he was at the end of the Harvoni treatment, he was diagnosed with cancer. He had been complaining about back and abdominal pain for years, but it never got looked into any further because doctors thought it was from the HCV.

 

[transgenderfailure]

Really not trying to sound like a do-gooder here, I am not trying to tell you what to do or not to do... But have you thought of the possibility of things possibly improving in your life? We can say what we want, however, no one knows what the future holds. I said many times, this is rockbottom, and NO, hell NO there is NO way up...

But I must admit I have climbed out of it a few times and all I needed at those 'climbing out of it' times was not to be disappointed again and again by my condition and I would've been able to live a normal life.

What if you climb out? What if miraculously things get better for you in the future, but then you're living with a nasty virus... It's not unheard of for suicidal people to become hopeful.

I myself would do anything to die, but I don't think I would do such a long-term gamble with my physical health. Just because I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.

You say you want to die in 2-3 years and that the HIV will have set in enough to kill you, but why don't you spend those 2-3 years finding a solution to the problem of finding a peaceful way out, like N, or at least Fent. 2-3 years is more than enough time to figure something out, trust me, you can do it.

That way you'll not gamble with your long-term health and have a peaceful ctb method at your disposal.

Please be careful of what you do to your future self...

 

[Jerryman]

Yes that's why its for someone who's life has improved but they'd still rather go. I've felt like this before with all my problems gone, situation improved massively but I'd still rather not be here if I had the choice.

 

[Doctorj115]

Probably the worst idea I've heard on here yet.

And is it your parents duty to find a job for you? That's something to be done for yourself. Jeeze.