Iloveher
Member
- Jul 17, 2024
- 25
Hello , I am 40 male. Most of my life has been a disappointment. Havent achieved much in life really and it feels like life passed me by. However, I have made my peace with this , I embraced nihilism years ago. I have considered CTB for many years, had a few attempts that ended up with me puking out pills or chickening out in the last moment. Anyway, my family's cats (we've had many) have become my only comfort in this dull yet full of suffering world. But even they leave me one by one due to old age or illness which has made me want to wait until the last one leaves me and then end it all.
Anyway this has been my story until a few months ago.
This is when I met HER.
Her , I dont know why the universe put her in my path , until her I knew how it will all play out and I was at peace with it Her, this girl at work , most beautiful girl ive ever seen , most perfect girl from every angle I look at her ,polite , sweet , hard working, etc. I fell in love with her about 2 weeks after I met her. She managed to change my perspective about the world , about life , about everything , just by existing. It feels like I was dead and I got an adrenaline injection in the heart that woke me up to life again. Just imagining being with her brings me so much happiness I cannot express in words , I never even imagined that one can be so happy, I never imagined one can feel like this. She really changed my perspective of life , she made me want to live, want to experience life , even grow old and live life a normie (something I never thought Id ever desire). She did all of this by just existing and being around me at work.
Now the problem. This is not a happy story unfortunatelly.
She is 20 yo , I am 40 yo. (I understand if some will judge , I respect everyone's opinion) Despite the huge age difference (she may not be aware as I really look young , I am also fit Im a gym addict) , she seems to have some interest in me , I caught her looking at me a few times , sometimes when I pass her by she smiles at me , also called me cute once when I helped her with some stuff. I am not saying she wants me but theres def. some interest even if small.
The problem is shes veeeeery beautiful . Almost every guy at work approaches her and gives her attention and she seems to enjoy attention a lot. Which has made me suffer a lot to the point that I was once so hurt because she talked to a guy for about 3 hours that I decided to ignore her and stay away from her , I didnt even want to say hello to her anymore which made her say hello to me 3 times in the same day after I ignored her twice , that has made talk to her again and made me more confident that theres a least a little bit interest on her part. Problem is this isnt enough. I am very convinced I dont have a shot with her despite any interes on her part. Shes too beautiful and popular why would she want me out of all her options ?
I really cant deal with a broken heart , if I ever see her in a relationship with someone I wont be able to cope with it , I was dead and this girl brought me back to life , she made me dream of a life I never dreamed of before. If I cant have that life I dont really want any life, and its very unlikely that I will have her.
I bought rope and I found a tree , I dont know when to do it and I am scared I will chicken out but hopefully I wont.
I welcome any opinion and advice. I want to know what you people would do if you were in my situation. I have nobody to talk to about this but you people so any opinion is appreciated.
Sorry about my English I am from eastern europe.
Anyway this has been my story until a few months ago.
This is when I met HER.
Her , I dont know why the universe put her in my path , until her I knew how it will all play out and I was at peace with it Her, this girl at work , most beautiful girl ive ever seen , most perfect girl from every angle I look at her ,polite , sweet , hard working, etc. I fell in love with her about 2 weeks after I met her. She managed to change my perspective about the world , about life , about everything , just by existing. It feels like I was dead and I got an adrenaline injection in the heart that woke me up to life again. Just imagining being with her brings me so much happiness I cannot express in words , I never even imagined that one can be so happy, I never imagined one can feel like this. She really changed my perspective of life , she made me want to live, want to experience life , even grow old and live life a normie (something I never thought Id ever desire). She did all of this by just existing and being around me at work.
Now the problem. This is not a happy story unfortunatelly.
She is 20 yo , I am 40 yo. (I understand if some will judge , I respect everyone's opinion) Despite the huge age difference (she may not be aware as I really look young , I am also fit Im a gym addict) , she seems to have some interest in me , I caught her looking at me a few times , sometimes when I pass her by she smiles at me , also called me cute once when I helped her with some stuff. I am not saying she wants me but theres def. some interest even if small.
The problem is shes veeeeery beautiful . Almost every guy at work approaches her and gives her attention and she seems to enjoy attention a lot. Which has made me suffer a lot to the point that I was once so hurt because she talked to a guy for about 3 hours that I decided to ignore her and stay away from her , I didnt even want to say hello to her anymore which made her say hello to me 3 times in the same day after I ignored her twice , that has made talk to her again and made me more confident that theres a least a little bit interest on her part. Problem is this isnt enough. I am very convinced I dont have a shot with her despite any interes on her part. Shes too beautiful and popular why would she want me out of all her options ?
I really cant deal with a broken heart , if I ever see her in a relationship with someone I wont be able to cope with it , I was dead and this girl brought me back to life , she made me dream of a life I never dreamed of before. If I cant have that life I dont really want any life, and its very unlikely that I will have her.
I bought rope and I found a tree , I dont know when to do it and I am scared I will chicken out but hopefully I wont.
I welcome any opinion and advice. I want to know what you people would do if you were in my situation. I have nobody to talk to about this but you people so any opinion is appreciated.
Sorry about my English I am from eastern europe.