The situation you in will never change, unless you change something. I lived for 38 years, I have only made about 6 major changes to my life.
2003: mother died . I was 19 years old. Knew that I was facing major challenges, with my mother gone, I had to figure out how to cope with my health problems on my own.
2005: Got a girlfriend (first).
2005: Moved out from my father house, where I was abused on a daily basis.
2007: Started my own business (life was goodish, even while living with health problems)
2007: Made many new friends, had a very active social life, good friends, like the family that I never had.
2007: Got a new girlfriend.
2010: Father tried to commit suicide on my childhood bed, I found him unconscious.
2011: Became plant based.
2012: Got bigger clients (life felt favorable)
2013: Business flourished (lost all my friends, except for one)
2014: studied the philosophy Buddhism
2015: Got nothing to show, except for traveling
2016: Got nothing to show, except for traveling; Cousin Committed suicide
2017: Got nothing to show, except for losing money in crypto, losing all my clients except for one, relocating, and traveling (things started to fall apart, very quickly)
2018: Got nothing to show. except for relocating, and traveling. Best, and last friend died.
2019: Got nothing to show, except for relocating
2020: Got nothing to show; became suicidal
2021: Got nothing to show; except for losing money in crypto, suicidal. I also lost a "friendship" this year, but I dont really see it as a friendship any longer, she was looking for a way out, for someone with money, when she learned about my struggles she quickly became distant, so I said fuck it, I am done, wasted about 5 years on that "friendship". I did not give her money.
One thing I accomplished this year is getting my BMI back to 23. I suffered from binge eating disorder for many years, which stopped after I reduced my Benzo medications. So at least one thing did go right this year.
Since 2014 I haven't made any changes/gained anything new, everything went backwards, lost everything. I kept doing the same things everyday, and as time went by, and I got more frustrated with life, and I ended up suicidal. Reminds me of what Einstein said about doing the same things, while expecting different results.
Of-course there are reasons for letting go, I did not just wake up one day, and said to myself that I want to lose everything in my life. Maybe I did wake-up one day realizing that i did nothing constructive in the last 7 years of my life, I wasted so much time, doing nothing.
Point is: if I decide to live, which would be very hard, if not impossible, then I will have to change so many things, otherwise I will just go on like this, suffering day in and day day out. Nothing will change.
Successful people are always on the move, they have a full schedule, I have none.
2003: mother died . I was 19 years old. Knew that I was facing major challenges, with my mother gone, I had to figure out how to cope with my health problems on my own.
2005: Got a girlfriend (first).
2005: Moved out from my father house, where I was abused on a daily basis.
2007: Started my own business (life was goodish, even while living with health problems)
2007: Made many new friends, had a very active social life, good friends, like the family that I never had.
2007: Got a new girlfriend.
2010: Father tried to commit suicide on my childhood bed, I found him unconscious.
2011: Became plant based.
2012: Got bigger clients (life felt favorable)
2013: Business flourished (lost all my friends, except for one)
2014: studied the philosophy Buddhism
2015: Got nothing to show, except for traveling
2016: Got nothing to show, except for traveling; Cousin Committed suicide
2017: Got nothing to show, except for losing money in crypto, losing all my clients except for one, relocating, and traveling (things started to fall apart, very quickly)
2018: Got nothing to show. except for relocating, and traveling. Best, and last friend died.
2019: Got nothing to show, except for relocating
2020: Got nothing to show; became suicidal
2021: Got nothing to show; except for losing money in crypto, suicidal. I also lost a "friendship" this year, but I dont really see it as a friendship any longer, she was looking for a way out, for someone with money, when she learned about my struggles she quickly became distant, so I said fuck it, I am done, wasted about 5 years on that "friendship". I did not give her money.
One thing I accomplished this year is getting my BMI back to 23. I suffered from binge eating disorder for many years, which stopped after I reduced my Benzo medications. So at least one thing did go right this year.
Since 2014 I haven't made any changes/gained anything new, everything went backwards, lost everything. I kept doing the same things everyday, and as time went by, and I got more frustrated with life, and I ended up suicidal. Reminds me of what Einstein said about doing the same things, while expecting different results.
Of-course there are reasons for letting go, I did not just wake up one day, and said to myself that I want to lose everything in my life. Maybe I did wake-up one day realizing that i did nothing constructive in the last 7 years of my life, I wasted so much time, doing nothing.
Point is: if I decide to live, which would be very hard, if not impossible, then I will have to change so many things, otherwise I will just go on like this, suffering day in and day day out. Nothing will change.
Successful people are always on the move, they have a full schedule, I have none.
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