Story Longing for that peace..

[FieCher]

I have suicidal thoughts since I was about 18 years old. Didn't know where it came from, but I did got help almost right away (since my parents discovered my SH-wounds and I am a horrible liar).. and maybe for the strangest reason ever; I am always afraid of things getting worst / losing people..
I rather just die. I am not afraid of dying since I had an almost death-experience myself last year..
I went to a festival, I was going to a bad period (almost no sleep, kinda psychotic because of that - lot of stress) and took to many drugs (like ketamine, speed and LSD) just to feel something.. ended at the IC.
I had an amazing trip in the meantime.. I was with all my favorite humans, in a world where everyone was at peace and okay with everything..

But I woke up in the hospital with traumatized friends (who saved me, one of them is a nurse and knew what to do) ánd parents…

And now I still have suicidal thoughts but now I really expirienced how my friends and family will react and I don't want to do that to them anymore.. but my suicidal thoughts are still here and stronger than before since that expirience of peace..

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, it's certainly understandable just wishing for peace from this existence. But anyway best wishes.