idk i went to the funeral in may. i stayed w/ family under "totally not suicide watch" for two weeks in early june. since then its just been random meetups with people i hate cause theyre never HIM but thats not really leaving the house more than an hour at a time.
im trying to get better, i need more of a social life, i just hate it here so much. i need so badly to move states, somewhere where there isnt so many loud strong memories. my biggest fear has always been dying alone, otherwise i wouldve killed myself in elementary school. but it is the thing that scares me the most to think of the world where my parents are the only ones left to mourn and remember me because of how warped their perspective their is and how little they understand me. i started to meet other people like me in the bigger cities, thats why i wanted to move somewhere closer.
idk i have ideas for my funeral. its gonna be a carnival with a celtic/catholic pageant, its a whole thing (some kids plan their wedding some plan their funerals, hey, dont judge me lol